I’m going through the worst period in my life. I have a terrible pure ocd relapse though I’ve been on meds for almost ten years now. I feel lost, my mind isn’t processing anything around as if I fear evthg and everyone around me. The meds stopped working all of a sudden. I’m taking lexotanil every night till my appointment day with the psychiatrist comes. My mind cannot process events, tragedies, past memories. Sometimes it goes to the point where I fear my own image as if those evil obssessions want to drive me mad. It’s hell its eternal suffering. I have the severe type of pure ocd where everything is inside my mind and when a panick attack happens, no one can help me. I have to focus on my own take my lexotanil suffer to death pray do anything to try to shun away the fearful obsession. If I did not have faith, believe me I would have committed suicide long time ago. Everyone who sees me wouldn’t say that a lady like me has anything wrong with her. I’m working on my phd I’m good looking but what do these things do for me if I’m miserable since birth. I choose to be single because I fear commitment. It’s an eternal curse 
Worst period of my life : I’m going through... - My OCD Community
Worst period of my life
"..pray do anything to try to shun away the fearful obsession."
Be careful with compulsions. Especially with Pure OCD, compulsions are more subtle as they may not be actions (like hand washing or counting) but rather compulsive thoughts.
Try to be mindful and try meditative techniques. When the obsessive thought comes, don't frantically run from it, don't try to conquer it with a compulsion, but rather, simply acknowledge it's there, then think of something different.
When your anxiety starts to manifest itself physically (like when you're triggered and you get a racing heart, short of breath, etc.) focus completely on that physical symptom, feel with all your focus the sweat on your palms or your pulsing heart, and that will help it go away.
It sounds like your anxiety is so high that first you need to get to a more stable state before trying to process any of the thoughts involved. Self care is key, give yourself a break, and treat yourself to the rest you deserve.
Thanks for your reply. You are totally right. The problem is that my ocd is so fearful I cannot come to terms with the idea or accept it. I try to do that but I always fail. All I can do is pray focus on something else till the benzo pill kicks in. Without it, I feel ill go insane. I hate to say it but my father was abusive and I grew up in fear and anxiety till now. Now I’m 40 and my father is 87 and still I feel afraid of his presence. I take care of him all the time to the point that he sees just as his servant not more than that. When my ocd relapsed, I felt he didn’t care abt that as much as that he would lose me by his side. Now I moved to our house in the city to get the rest I need because the more stress I’m exposed to the greater risk i would relapse and this is what happened. I have an appointment next week with the psychiatrist but I’m really sick of this state. I like to travel I like to teach abroad I like to live my life but this demon always prevents me from achieving what I want. Thank you for your care and pls take care of yourself too 
I’m sorry to hear how terribly hard it all is for you. You have trauma on top of OCD which makes it so much worse. But it is treatable. I hope your psychiatrist can help you find a trauma and OCD specialist-therapist if you haven’t already. You deserve to feel happy and well!
Thank you for your sweet words. You know I finally realized that Ocd is largely due to early childhood rather than being purely biological. People who suffer from OCD are generally super sensitive individuals that’s why the least idea or event or trauma affects them. I have been to a psychologist before who told me do whatever pleases you and don’t judge yourself all the time. There is no right or wrong. I tend to reminisce about the minimal things and whether I behaved good or bad. It’s due to childhood education. I feel guilty all the time as if what I’m doing is not enough. I just wanna be myself guilt free anxiety free but even with meds that’s not possible. Even if you ride a car you feel anxiety of any idea that might control your mind! I understand everyone’s pain in this forum because we share the same pain. Thank you for your support again and you can count on me for support whenever you need it too tc
Hi I also suffer from pure OCD and it's hell. Since this Covid and the lockdown I've gone to a very bad place with the mind. The mind started spiraling almost out of control, saying "what if this bothers you, what if that bothers" concerning non-sensical things. Very irrational thoughts but very upsetting because of the OCD and
sometimes getting anxiety and getting very upset inside because I can't shut the mind off. I have a problem where the same thought plays over and over. I can't shut it off even watching t.v. last night same upsetting thought playing over. I started my day with lorazapam (ativan) just for some relief. I don't usually do that but needed a break from the mind. Best to you, I think it's going to get better for you think your on the right track! I also keep praying and asking for wisdom concerning this matter because it's so difficult.
I feel what you are going through. It’s real hell and unless you take tranquilizers you can’t appease those thoughts. Every day is a new burden for me specially now that I relapsed due to quarantine and stress. Let’s keep praying so we could go through this in the best way possible!
Amen. Thanks for the reply I do appreciate it! It's so nice to be understood by someone. If I were to share some of my worries or thoughts that have crossed my mind during this covid situation people would think "what" because there not rational thoughts I'm sure you understand. Keep in touch hopefully we can encourage and help one another.
p.s. I have 2 names Jumprope14 and Godisgood777. When I got my new phone recently and logged in had to chose new name probably did something wrong
No problem sure we can keep in touch tc of yourself
I am going thru a similar hell. My whole life has been hellish and I’ve suffered from OCD like this too. Tramadol, a narcotic, actually helps, although it’s hard to obtain. So do benzodiazepines. Both can be addicting but they give relief. I advise you just try to be in nature. Be compassionate with yourself. Try meditation. Don’t judge any thoughts that come up in your head as good or bad, just let them be as they are. Sometimes clinging to things and resisting pain or trying to stop thoughts from happening makes it worse. Write down what you are grateful for even if it is the smallest thing. Let go of control and focus on how you react to thoughts. Fear is an illusion. I’m single too. Sometimes what we fear most is what we need. This pandemic is making things worse. Try to focus on doing something mindful like knitting or some kind of creative project. Luvox is the only other med I can recommend. Just accept the way you are feeling and feel it. Don’t try to fight it. Let it pass like an ocean wave. Try something you’ve never tried before. Something as simple as focusing on your breath and the moment. Don’t try to do everything at once. Slow and steady wins the race.
I appreciate your response and it gave me deep relief. Thank you. Yeah it’s all about letting go and not repressing thoughts or behaviors. Childhood education is the key to everything. A tough childhood destroys the mind and everything else. The pandemic worsened my ocd that’s right and stressful work heightens it as well. As you said we have to meditate, relax and be creative. I often go to nature do some fashion design work on my phd but actually my dad was and is the stressful element in my life though he isn’t aware of that. However, I have to look after myself since no one could help you recover but yourself. Stay strong and I’ll try to do so as well. Big thanks
I relate a lot. My family is the stressor but I have been financially dependent on them. I’m currently financially dependent on disability. My childhood and adolescence were horrific, and the rest of my life has been worse in some ways. What happened to me like you said had messed me up completely. I think trauma is the biggest culprit. And if we can’t find relief from that, it’s hell. I pray this ends.
Arg, I know what it's like to want to escape your own mind because it's hell. I'm so sorry.
I echo these responses... It can be so hard not to fight those thoughts; it's like your entire being wants to fight them. But don't feel like you have to. Take care of yourself on the outside so your brain stays physically healthy.
I'll pray hard for you!
Thank you dear friend for your support. It’s an endless battle but we have to keep hopeful. I’ll pray for you too! Take care
It's actually an interesting thing that a lot of very intelligent people seem to suffer from OCD, and yeah, from the outside most people can't really tell their is anything wrong, both a blessing and a curse.
Yeah my friend ocd is the worst curse ever because it’s a battle inside one’s mind most of the time.
Especially for smart people that try to think there way out of it. And it is insanely difficult because it is in your own mind. However, I think if you can turn in around and use it, instead of it using you, you use it it would be amazing, and actually I think a blessing, there is a very thin line between a blessing and a curse.
Well I wish I could turn it into a blessing, my life would’ve been easier. It always works against me except for the education part 😂 and being so keen on details and trying to achieve perfection. In the end no one’s life is perfect so we have to adapt to our Ocd with medicine and good mood
Hi. I can relate to what you said. How are you now?
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