Tomorrow I get to see my therapist for the first time in two months and I am so excited! Normally I see her once a month but she was out of town and I wanted to test the waters and see if I could manage on my own. There have been some rough spots, but overall I think I have done pretty well.
Unfortunately, I have been having a lot of concerns lately with my breathing and after a few tests most signs are pointing to asthma. I now have an inhaler and medication to help and I know this is not the end of the world by any means, but having OCD makes even the simplest of things more difficult. I am also waiting for test results back to check for the possibility of an autoimmune disorder since blood work showed some inflammation slightly elevated from the normal range. So please put out some prayers and send them my way!
My point in sharing this is that it has been EXTREMELY difficult not to google about these things in the past week and I have given in multiple times but tonight I am staying strong. I am not allowing myself to search anything on the internet even though the urge to do so is worse than ever. I am also wanting to seek a lot of reassurance about OCD and false memories relating to harm since that is my major theme but I know if I do I will set myself back. I just want certainty so bad that I am not this horrible murderer OCD tells me I am and that other people struggle with the exact same thing. But I cannot feed the monster, even if I am uncertain about having OCD in the first place. (Seriously why does it have to attack everything?!)
Anyways, hoping to hear from some of you and what is going on in your lives — good or bad! Any recent successes? Also, please do not try to give me any reassurance about my false memories etc. I want to be able to continue to use this platform to connect but not in a negative way that would have me seeking certainty from others. Wishing you all the best! 💖