Anxiety & OCD

[TrueBlue23]

I have been struggling a bit lately coping with thoughts that create anxiety. I have very random, irrelevant & insignificant thoughts, but sometimes if I don't deal with them there and then my anxiety kicks in and I feel like I won't be able to relax or enjoy the rest of my day unless I've dealt with the thought. I know that the anxiety is a reaction to a thought and that it dies down quite quickly and that ultimately I forget about the thought I was worried about, but it does make me feel like I'm going a bit mental sometimes.

For example, I was on a tram the other day going to work, and it stopped for a while, so I was just looking out of the window and noticed a tall building. As I looked up to see how tall it was I noticed a man in a fluorescent jacket hanging off the top of the building. There seemed to be some sort of rope hanging down by the side of him, so I assumed he was window cleaning or doing some kind of maintenance

A thought then popped in my head. What if he was not doing maintenance, and he had fallen and was hanging on for dear life? What if he was in need of help? The tram then started to move and I thought what if I was the only person to have noticed him and I was his only chance of rescue?

I then tried to reason with myself that if he had a fluorescent jacket on he was up there for a reason and that there was probably someone up there with him. For reassurance I did look back up before the tram moved away fully and noticed he wasn't there anymore, so in a way that put my mind at rest, but then I did wonder if he had fallen!

It sounds so silly writing this down, but at the time the thoughts created an unpleasant uneasiness and anxiety that I was worried would stick with me all day.

In the end, although it created some anxiety and I replayed various scenarios in my head, I got on with my day and there wasn't any news that day of a man falling off a tall building, so it was all in my head!

This is just an example of how I'm struggling sometimes to ignore thoughts and the anxiety that they generate.

I get other thoughts sometimes where I've glanced at someone on a tram for example or just walking in the street, and then i worry if I looked at them for too long or if they were looking at me in a funny way. The same thought then kicks in that I'm going to be anxious about this for the rest of the day, and then that in turn kicks off the anxious feelings.

Again, this anxiety generally subsides pretty quickly but can be underlying for a while, and it does worry me that I'm going a bit mad or losing my mind!

I wanted to share this to see if others could relate to these types of thoughts and feelings. I know in my own mind that it seems to be OCD and that anxiety is a big part of it. I can normally cope with it a bit better usually but it seems to have overwhelmed me a bit recently. I have started a new job recently and am 5 x weeks in, so am still adjusting to that, so I'm conscious that may make me more anxious than normal.

I'd appreciate any thoughts and thank you for reading this. I hope if anyone is struggling in a similar way this helps you realise you're not on your own!

[Sallyskins]

It's important to recognize that we all have these random thoughts, OCD or not. For most people, the thought sparks in their brain and then goes away almost immediately.

But for those of us with OCD, these thoughts are 'sticky'. Instead of floating in and floating straight out, they stick inside our brains and torment us.

I'm sure a lot of people might question whether a man hanging off the side of the building needed help - then, just as you did, realize that the fluorescent jacket and the rope meant that he was doing a job. The difference is that they would put it out of their heads.

Thoughts can feel very real, but they're just thoughts. Once on a crowded bus, I found myself standing near a woman with a very nice necklace on. The thought came out of the blue - suppose I pulled it from her? I felt ashamed - I had no feelings of animosity towards her and didn't wish her any harm - but the thought felt real and that I really might do it.

But the fact is, I wouldn't. Of course I wouldn't. And I knew I wouldn't.

Good luck with the new job. I agree that being new to the job is likely to have heightened your anxiety - I'm sure that you're still finding your place in your new workplace, and anxious to prove your worth. Give it a bit longer and you should find your feet properly and the feelings should subside!

[TrueBlue23 in reply to Sallyskins]

Thank you once again for your thoughtful and insightful reply Sallyskins. It does help a lot being able to unburden my thoughts processes on here in a safe space. I do find this site invaluable and a real source of support when I'm getting a bit overwhelmed. Thanks for taking the time to reply and share your own experience.

[Sallyskins in reply to TrueBlue23]

I find it helps too - and I learn such a lot from other people's experiences!

[Natureloverpeace]

I agree with Sallyskins . I’ll just add that the intrusive thoughts stick for those with OCD because we attach meaning to them. People without OCD get intrusive thoughts but don’t attach meaning to them and they don’t stick because of that.

[Arabianhorselover]

Have you received any treatment for OCD?

[TrueBlue23 in reply to Arabianhorselover]

Hello, I've been on fluoxetine 20mg daily for quite some time and that seems to keep me on an even keel. I've not been officially diagnosed with OCD but I'm confident that's what I'm struggling with after reading many posts on here and reading many books and online articles.

[Arabianhorselover in reply to TrueBlue23]

Just know that help is available if you wish to pursue it.

[TrueBlue23 in reply to Arabianhorselover]

Thanks 👍