Just the two of us

This is my first post on MTL.

Next week will be my 5th wedding anniversary. This also marks 5 years since we started trying to conceive. I was 27 and OH was 33 and we felt we had our whole lives before us which would be filled with family, friends and love.

After 2+ years of trying the GP diagnosed low ovarian reserve and so the IVF journey began. We had 5 fresh cycles which all failed in one way or another. We decided to stop treatment just over a year ago and have spent time trying to get our heads around how different our life is going to be.

Earlier this year we considered adoption but decided it's not right for us. Donor treatment has also been ruled out. I am now in early menopause.

So it's just the two of us.... Struggling on day by day, waiting for the next stage of our life which should be having a family but will now never happen. Most days I feel completely lost and don't know how to pull myself out of this hole I'm in. I've tried counselling, yoga, meditation - which helps for a short time but doesn't change anything.

Feeling lucky to have a wonderful husband. Good job as we only really have each other. I would never have imagined that 5 years later we would be at this point. Really not sure what life has in store for us but wishing over time we start to feel hope again, think we've forgotten what that feels like.

[IndieBlue]

Thank you for your message-it is nice to feel not alone in this.

It has also been just over 5 years since we started trying for a family, and 18months ago that we found out that we would not be able to have biological children of our own-husband has non-obstructive azoospermia, and surgical sperm retrieval was unsuccessful. We have discussed alternative options of donor/adoption a lot but we are not on the same page and have decided it is not for us at this stage.

I am in a similar position and struggling to move on and see what positives there are for our future. I am drained from the journey we have been on and I feel so left behind and excluded. Festive holidays are particularly difficult. My husband described it very well. He said ‘I have all these plans and happiness in my head I can’t share. It’s like I’m stood the other side of the fence just watching everyone else living the life I imagined’ . We are not unhappy all of the time, but the purpose we imagined we would have has gone.

I am hoping that in time we can get back to feeling happy with where we are, like we were before we started this journey. But it’s hard, because the reminders are all around.

Just wanted to send a message back to let you know you are not alone. I know I don’t have the answers but really hoping you are able to find a different path for the future that brings happiness and meaning back to you both xx

[Hidden in reply to IndieBlue]

Thanks for your reply. I am sorry to hear you are struggling too.

Your husband describes it very well. It is so hard to and put the hopes and dreams we had of a family aside and work out where to go from here.

Hoping we both find a way forward x

[Julieo_13]

Hi Blue penguin, I feel your pain and have been down a very similar journey in terms of the reason why you can have children and I'm too going through early peri-menopause. We are about 12 years on now my husband and I, we have made a good life together doing things like travelling and being social butterflies! I don't think you will ever get over not having children but in time, a different and happy life will come. You are not alone, take care and stay strong! Xx

[Hidden in reply to Julieo_13]

Thank you. It's so good to hear you have made a good life despite what must have been a very difficult time for you both.

I am sure we will get there just need to give ourselves some time to get over the difficulty and disappointment of failed treatments. We will stay strong and not let our circumstances beat us or stop us from having a good life. xx