Fed up of feeling alone

New to this but joined as I'm fed up of feeling alone and like nobody quite understands how I'm feeling. I've never used anything like this before but reading some of the kind and supportive posts on here made me want to give it a go. I am 29 and with recent diagnosis it's looking unlikely that I'll ever have children. Right now all of my friends are having children so it's making it additionally hard, trying to be pleased for them but at the same time feeling like I have a gaping hole in my heart that will never be filled. They have also all become slightly obsessive about their children, meaning they show limited sensitivity, understanding or even interest for that matter, about how I might be feeling. Ive started ranting so I'll bring it to a close 😊 Really just hoping to feel better knowing I'm not alone and that there are others who have got through this.

7 Replies

  • Hi . Just read your post & I don't want you to feel alone! If you have decided to accept living without children then I totally admire your bravery for making that decision at such a young age! But if you are looking at other options ....you have time majorly on your side! There are a few infertility support groups, a counsellor may help and for moving on I recommend gateway women (join through Meetup) and looking for new friends. Keep your old ones but new friends , hobbies , a pet and a new goals helps. Xxx you are not alone!!!

  • Thanks for the tips, suggestions and for the kind words. I think the decision is likely to be taken out of my hands somewhat as a hysterectomy is on the cards and adoption or surrogacy have never been options I wanted to explore. I bought a dog last year and she keeps me busy 😊 It's just at the moment it seems like everywhere I turn there are babies and I'm just finding it hard to make my peace with it. X

  • It is hard when others seem to be able to have children so easily and the decision has been made for you by your medical issue. I had some counselling to help deal with the grief. It might be worth trying to access some. Jody Day's book has also been helpful.

    Perhaps you could confide in one of your slightly less child obsessed friends about your feelings and diagnosis? If they can't see how hard it is for you you might need to find other friends. It is difficult for others to fully understand what it is like to not be able to have children due to circumstance rather than choice.

  • I totally understand how you feel as medically it has been taken out of my hands. It's very hard when something we did not choose for our life is imposed on us. Please know you are not alone. It's totally fair to distance yourself & protect yourself from situations & people. I really suggest joining Meetup and gateway women . I have a dog now too and joined a dog walking group . It's nice to talk about things besides kids...it's all about the dogs. X

  • Hi Stacie sorry to hear what you are going through it's not easy I had a hysterectomy just over 5 years ago after suffering each month with excruciating pain with my periods caused by having fibroids and polycystic ovaries which ended up me having a hysterectomy which was a difficult decision as me and my husband had been trying for a long time physically I felt better not suffering each month and it causing me to nearly lose my job going off sick but emotionally it's a lot harder you never accept it just try to adapt to a life without children I have had counselling and currently going through sessions again. The good thing is my counsellor is childless too so she really understands. Where do you live? I live in North Manchester Take care 😊

  • Dear Stacie I appreciated reading your honest rant. I feel very conflicted with regards to not having children. My story is that I am 43 and have had three rounds of IVF which I ABSOLUTRLY HATED. I am a girl who loves natural everything - I don't dye my hair and hate taking medicines and love the holistic life. I also believe that I personally should not tamper with nature so it was extremely hard doing IVF. And low and behold it didn't work. I did fall pregnant twice through IVF and both times were traumatic and heartbreaking. Nearly all my friends have children. Some have given up their careers to have multiple kids and have made it their life. I have not seen those friends too often because they are 100% focussed on being a mum and I do feel isolated at times (especially now as I get over my last failed pregnancy and IVF). But I am conflicted because although I can cope with a life without kids it is terrifying at the same time and socially who do I fit in with now? I don't want to sit around a kitchen table talking about nappies and vomit? To be honest. But... Everything is relative isn't it. Do I have to let go of all my friends who have children just to prevent my own hurt and lack of connection? Ugh. I want to try to stay in contact with my friends who have children but life moves on doesn't it. I have joined a singing group and will start local art classes soon... and will build a life locally where I can hopefully have new friends with common interests. Those who understand what I am going through are very few and fair between at the moment so I too understand your feelings around that. It is hard and private and isolating. But I find that just one person understanding me at the moment is enough for me - until I can come 'out of the IVF closet'..... I need to accept and love myself much much More (sorry to sound so cliched) but that's how I feel. Maybe if I love and accept myself more I will become more open about this IVF and share my feelings with more people. I have a terrible tendency to shut down and not TELL ANYONE ANYTHING so they can't help me. Silly really. This forum has been amazing so far. Some happy heartbreaking and positive stories about life after loss and messages from beautiful people. It really keeps me going. Anyway, please do rant again if you want to !!!!! I am listening!!!! 🙏🏻😂✨

  • Hi Stacie

    ive just joined today and I totally feel what you are going through I am in the same place all my friends are having babies or talking about their children. Im 33, 34 in May and with 2 failed IVF just never seems likely for us. I feel very alone with no friends who know what im going through. Im going to IVF counselling this afternoon as although it ended in June last year I ran away from it all moved jobs and ive really struggled the last 6 months my marriage is falling apart and im just unhappy. I just hope this counselling helps! x

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