More To Life
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Help needed on how to move forward with marriage

Hi All

My husband & I gave up fertility treatment 2 years ago following 3 rounds of ICSI, 3 rounds of egg banking & a miscarriage. Despite the treatment initially bringing us very close, dealing with the prospect of a childless future is tearing us apart. His younger sister has also just given birth which has opened all the old wounds again. We’re arguing all the time & really hurting each other in the process. It’s all left us questioning whether we have a future at all. I really want to try and fix this & find a way to bring back the spark & closeness that we once had. I just don’t know what to do or where to start. I would love to hear from anyone who recognises this situation & has any positive thoughts or advice. Thanks in advance.

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Hi Penny,

so sorry to hear about your struggles. I think this is a very common experience for people going through infertility. The heartache and brokenness the experience of failed IVF and miscarriage can have on your relationship is immense. It can have you taking your pain out on each other very easily. ...and can leave a void between you both, made worse by the different ways you both are experiencing grief.

I have found it difficult that me and my husband experience grief very differently, and that leaves me feeling very alone. And I can take out my anger on him too easily.

Things that have helped- couple counselling, CBT training, planning time together doing nice things.(one nice thing a month) Doing your love language test- helps you understand your partner and what their needs are.

5lovelanguages.com/

We have also gone on a weekend retreat for couples experiencing infertility. It is a faith based project but has given us time together to grieve and it has helped listening to other couples talk about how it has affected their marriage.

rhythmofhope.co.uk/

I also did a 40 day love dare- which is basically doing a selfless thing for your partner for 40 days. Didn't manage to complete it, but its good to remember to not take each other for granted, and to consider them more.

The fact that you are wanting to try and fix this is a really positive thing and the best foot forward.

I hope you have a lovely christmas together and have some good quality time to rekindle your love

xxx

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Thanks Fuzzy_winker! I will give some of these a go. A good way to start and hopefully we can find something positive to build on.

Really appreciate you taking the time and thought to give us these ideas.

Have a very merry Christmas too xx

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