How to move forward

[Dragon80]

Good Morning

This is my first time writing a post as I've come to realise in the last few months that I need to accept that I'm going to be childless, which I thought may happen but scared to accept it has happened.

I've tried the IVF route which ended in miscarriages fairy recently due to meeting my partner in my early forties. I want to try & move forward as I've as I hate feeling with sad & a lot of hours are spending thinking about how this has happened.

I've had a few counselling sessions, plus a very supportive family, but none of them have been in my position.

Any kind words would be helpful or how to move forward

Many thanks

[Indiecat]

Hi there,

Thanks for sharing this, a brave step in your journey. Acceptance was important for me, so that I could start to move on and see my future. It also allowed me to appreciate other parts of my life that are fulfilling, things that give me joy and things I should be thankful for. This didn’t come easy, I had to consciously reframe a negative/ sad thought and sometimes I couldn’t-that was fine too, let the emotions come when they need to. It’s a grieving process of sorts, and there’s no set amount of time that will take. I have sad moments still, but they are fleeting and I process them and get on with my day.

I hope this helps, I am sure loads of others have been through a similar journey and have words of wisdom here too so do utilise the support of this group. Also, always happy to chat more if that would be helpful.

Take care

[Dragon80 in reply to Indiecat]

Hi Indiecat

Thanks for your kind words, I'm trying to get my ahead around my situation still but not that easy. I never thought I'd be in this situation as I didn't ever think I would have tried for a baby in my forties. I'm going to try some more counselling on ways to deal with my grief & moving forward. I'm feeling less sad over the last few weeks but I'm still have abit of doubt whether to give up, I'm sure this is normal to feel though

thanks

[hertsmeets Volunteer]

Hi there, you're not alone in this.

I've listed some of the things that I've found really helpful in my journey of coming to terms with childlessness, and starting to move towards a positive place.

From a personal experience - I would say the most helpful things I found are: to treat myself with kindness and understanding (our 'inner critic' can be rife sometimes!) Reach out to other childless women in the community who understand. And seek out those things that gave us joy before all of this situation - no matter how simple, aim to put those things into our lives as much as possible.

Other things that helped me:

- Meeting others who've had the same experience (either online or in person) is so helpful. I hope to announce a London meet up soon, but other places you can find support are Childless Collective (Gateway Women) gateway-women.com/ and the Full Stop Community: thefullstoppod.com/ . There is also a More to Life Facebook community (see the pinned post on this channel), where others talk and hope to arrange meet ups.

- Jody Day's book, Living the Life Unexpected - is so helpful on how to move forward. amazon.co.uk/Living-Life-Un...

- World Childless Week resources, particularly the Moving Forwards day, has a variety of help and support in this area: worldchildlessweek.net/movi...

Please reach out if I can help further, and best wishes.

[Dragon80]

Hi Hertsmeet

Thanks for your kind words & suggestions, yes I'm definitely very hard myself especially as I feel like my body as failed but I need to try & forgive myself which hopefully with come in time. I did start reading the Jody Day book but think I need some counselling first as I need to face the grief.

Thanks again

[anonBristol]

Hi Dragon80, thank you for sharing your experience, sharing helps us all. Just from my personal experience, I found I had to allow myself to grieve and feel utterly wretched and angry, and work through my (unwarranted) guilt, and not try and force myself to feel anything else until I was ready. The well meant words of others about counting your blessings and putting your energies into other things just made things waaaay worse, because they added a layer of pressure and shame, and made me feel like I had to hide my feelings even from my closest friends. That's why this forum is so important. It may be different for you. But I guess my main message is that you are the expert in you. Allow yourself to do what you need, be as kind to yourself as you would to a loved one in the same situation, accept any support that genuinely helps, and be unashamed about ignoring or turning away from anything that doesn't help. I've found counselling helpful but it's a long process and not for everyone. Follow your heart ❤ all strength and support to you x