How do I get through this?

[Katybetter]

Today we were told we don’t qualify for IVF so our road really has come to an end. Whilst I didn’t want IVF I am heart broken knowing that this is it. What do I do now? How do I get through this?

[gattonero]

Hi Katie, I was bluntly refused IFV by NHS last may due to premature ovarian sufficiency (I’m 34) and that feeling of being hopeless hit me so hard that I thought I would never be able to cope with it. We have tried with a private clinic in London. We tried a natural ivf as i developed 2 big follicles naturally but BFN. Then we tried ivf with hormones injections but turns out I’m a poor responder so no egg collection this week. I feel shit to be honest and we have decided to take some time for us to decide what to do. I guess we’ll try some cycle monitoring for more natural conception programmes and then we’ll set a deadline to opt for egg donation in Spain I think..

I’m sharing this with you because I feel your pain, you’re not alone hon.

Have nhs told you what you can try to do do as an alternative?

My suggestion is to try to remind yourself why you are lucky anyway (in my case because of my hubby and my healthy beautiful family in Italy). We’re trying to not put the issue as the centre of our life as it can be overwhelming and wiping all the good things it’s still worth to live for! It’s hard but we can all make it through this, I’m sure we can.

All the best

Frankie

[Caudalie11]

Hi Katybetter sending you enormous hugs because I know how painful/numbing/empty/lost it can feel. We did go thru donor egg treatment and lost 3 pregnancies. I couldn't see a future and what it would look like. My main thing was to take time to really look after myself (and my husband). I planned some things I really liked doing whether it was weekend breaks, holidays or simpler things like making bread, cooking. I then decided to learn some new things so I did a couple of courses eg wine appreciation. I took things gradually. Spending time with people who really mattered to me also helped and we got a puppy too. She really has been my saviour, she literally is my reason to get out of bed each day and walking her outdoors is good for the soul.

It will be different for you of course depending on the things you enjoy. But first and foremost be incredibly kind to yourself and so some nice things.

Have you also read Jody Days book or joined the Gateway Women online community?

Xx

[lightl]

Oh honey it’s amazing how many women go through this. I’m on gateway women and I’m getting the book. I’ve got my 2 sausage dogs as well I’m trying organise things it’s just ruddy hard not having any friends only me husband. I’ve met one lady and we r meeting again just hard to meet similar age women going through this xx

[Hidden]

Hi Katybetter I'm sorry to read your message. Your next step really depends on what you think you would like to do and to start exploring those options. Do you think you would like to look at alternative ways to start a family? If so, I would recommend you speaking with one of our Fertility Network coordinators. If you think you don't want to explore alternatives then I'm sure lots of the people on here will have some good suggestions about moving forwards without children, I'm happy to chat to you separately too. If you're just not sure what to do I definitely recommend you talking to a counsellor. The Fertility Network have a counsellor that you can talk to for free. Her name is Diane and she is wonderful. Perhaps drop me a line at [e-mail] and we can look at your options further.

In the meantime, please know that you are not alone. Whilst everyone's experiences are individual there are lots of people who have had similar thoughts, questions and feelings that you are having right now.

Hope to speak soon,

Cat

[Katybetter]

Thank you so much everyone. What I really meant was what do o do with my life now. That was our one & only treatment option for us. I have been in counselling for 3 months which has made me so much stronger. I must not let myself get depressed over this. In a way it’s nice to have it all ended so I can grieve it properly. I went into work today (I like my job) it was so hard but I’m so proud of myself for doing it!!

[wendyWaz in reply to Katybetter]

Good for you Katy for going back to work. It's about doing things you want to do, at a pace you want. Look after yourself and hubby. lm not sure there is a direct answer. t c

[Livingstoncouple]

Katy. My wife and i had a few attempts at IVF back in the 90s. Only once did it work but we had a miscarriage. Back then we had no support like there is today. Best advice is get your life back to normal as quickly as you can. We still feel our sadness to this day... You have many options to you such as fostering or adoption.

We couldnt adopt back then due to local authorities not allowing us as i was in the army at the time.

Do what makes you both happier with life and stay strong.

I wish you all the best with your life..

[Hidden]

Hi Katybetter can I ask roughly where abouts you live? Have you seen the latest post on this forum about a couple looking for other couples who have made the decision to stop treatment. they are based in Kent, not sure if you are any where near them?