a tight black cloud is enveloping me..yet again...

[poppyd]

i am 43.i have had depression/anxiety since i was 12.its back- really bad.my head is stuffed full of negativity,worry.i feel so alone- i have family but they do not understand, i am married but am as lonely within the marriage as a single person would be,this constant battle -trying to put on a happy brave face all the time is exhausting- i lost my job of 24 years last june because of illness- one week into a new job and i am off work again-i have had enough,each time i manage to get through a bad bout, i forget how bad i felt until the next time- and its getting worse each time.

[Golfer15]

I sympathise as this sounds exactly like me. I am 47 male married with two kids. Nobody in the family really understands. I feel so lonely, fed up, irratable and tired all the time. I feel a good right now as I have just finished work on a Friday and I'm alone having a cup of tea. However I know it will change in half an hour when my kids get in. I don't like weekends as a argument soon starts and it is usually me who starts it over something silly.

I have a few coping strategies as i have felt like this for years but I know I have a tough couple of days ahead.

[poppyd in reply to Golfer15]

exactly.i really understand you.everything feels worse when your mind is exhausted and thats when we can snap at people who live with us.i use breathing techniques and a relaxation cd but sometimes it is not enough.i am sick of people saying "dont be so silly".and the energy taken at work-trying to convince your colleagues everything is ok - really takes it toll.i really hope you manage to get through the next couple of days.sending you a big hug.

[Golfer15 in reply to poppyd]

Thanks Poppyd Things don't seem too bad so far but I just seem so tired. I usually put headphones on and listen to a cd when things get tough. I have had depression for several years but only diagnosed a couple of years ago. I have been on medication since then. I changed my job in January but things haven't really changed I just get so fed up with life. Nothing seems to make me happy.

Thanks for your reply

[Hidden]

Hi

It does sound hard for you at the moment and as things are getting worse perhaps it's time to see whether you can get more support? I don't know whether you have already tried to find someone to talk with but with depression that goes back so long you are entitled to find things difficult. I wonder whether you can ask to be referred to a specialist psychotherapy clinic - they are often really good at helping people with recurrent or prolonged problems. Just a thought, you might have tried already or not want to go down that route. Your GP may suggest meds but it's all too easy to get stuck on them and find the dose has to be increased, but by saying when your problems go back to it sounds as though youknow they have a cause back then so perhaps that needs talking about.

I hope you manage to find things easier soon.

Suexx

[poppyd]

hi sue, thankyou for your advice. you made a good point- i feel i am not entitled to find things difficult because of the way my family and colleagues treat me. as you probably know there is still a huge stigma attached to depression.my family has been ashamed of how i am for years. and therefore i am ashamed.i should be able to cope. hugs to you. poppy x