Went out to hotel for 1st in a year leaving my house disaster that was!! What should do I do?

[annie87]

Went to a lovly hotel called wellington park hotel in belfast last weekend with my husband it was first I've been out in over a year we arrived at hotel it was really lovly staff were really nice and room was really comfortable, my husband had booked it as a surprise knowing how down I've been recently, we went down that night to the bar for drinks and there was a dj as a smoker I went outside a few times alone the door men were so sleepy and were making comments to the guests that my choice of clothing was hilarious and I looked like a hooker my husband went out after that with me which they asked were we w couple when he relied yes they looked totally shocked as though I was prostitute I a was so upset we went to room and I cried. I since made a comment on tripadviser which the manager keeps contacting me about I can't answer to him as I'm having panic attacks I do not want to get anyone into trouble. What do I do?? I am really scared to talk to the manager

[Suzie40]

You were quite within your rights to post on trip advisor and the manager has no business trying to contact you. It's called freedom of speech. Are you 100% sure exactly what the bouncers were saying to the other guests? I bet you'd made a real effort and looked absolutely lovely x

[annie87]

Hi Suzie I was wearing a dress and knee boots the ladies the door men were talking to about me were locals and went there clubbing every Saturday night I know they were talking about me because on the way back in from the smoking area I was only one walking past and they the said to me hope we get the weather your expecting which the door man replied so the hell do I and they all started laughing I was so mortified and upset x

[Jeffju]

That is so sad after your husband making such a lovely effort for you. But pay no mind to those people, they are horrible bullies and are not worth worrying over. People who are like that to others are just scum. I am sure you looked lovely and your husband thought so too. Ignore the manager and he will give up in the end.Just remember, those people are not worth the panic, anxiety and energy that you are spending on them. All the best. xx

[Hidden]

Don't let those idiots get you down annie. Its only because you were not local and maybe they were trying to score points with the locals. It sounds really cliched and horrid.

It makes me remember when at work I was talking about pubs in my area with my manager. She said she had gone in one of them and everyone stared. It put her off going in again. I laughed and said that I was one of the locals who stared at newcomers! It wasn't meant to be malicious it was just something we did as usually locals went in and we were curious about strangers...

Bev x

[annie87]

Thank you for being so nice and its good to know I am not the only one who has been treated Like this I think it was because I wasn't a local they were point scoring at my expense but they don't no me or my problems so maybe thought I wouldn't have took it so bad. The manager keeps phoning and emailing saying he needs to talk about the review but I am not answering he only cares about the reputation of his hotel. Thank you all again xx

[Photogeek]

Hi Annie dont waste another second worrying about those fools, they have nothing else in their lives, I am sure you looked great, and isn't it great that your husband booked a weekend away for you. Dont let it set you back, those idiots laugh at anything. Are they James Bond themselves, I wouldn't think so. Just laugh at them for being so stupid.

Dont bother talking to the Manager, save your breath. Look after yourself.

[Hidden]

Hi Suzie

How lovely of your husband to take you there.

I really feel for you about that experience especially when it was a special treat for you. If your position I would be left feeling what bastards the men were in making such judgemental and hurtful comments, but once I'd settled down I'd be feeling how sad they they needed to do that - it reminds me of the saying big car, small..... Any man who needs to put a woman down in that way must have a very small ego. I don't know whether you looked good but you are not a hooker and won't have looked like one either, you will have looked like a woman wearing a dress and boots and probably smiling happily, that's all. They obviously have a need to use power to put women down, how aggressive.

As a further thought, I wonder whether their comment touched a fear in you that maybe you were wrong in some way to be enjoying yourself and feel desire and desirable, also whether when you are happy it seems something always comes along to spoil it - I wonder that because when suffering depression I know things hurt me terribly and it feels as if that always happens though of course it isn't always, just sometimes. However whatever your responses were the men were still abusive towards you and as they were employed by the hotel I think you should make a formal written complaint - you do not need to say what they said about you, just the fact that they made such rude comments and that their behaviour was entirely inappropriate and has caused you great distress, say it with dignity. If the hotel is part of a chain then I would send a copy of the letter to the regional manager and also one to the managing director to make sure the complaint is officially followed up. The doormen should be reprimanded. I know you said the manager made light of the comments but they should not have been made. If you do not get an official apology and if the hotel has a national rating, for instance a three star rating or is registered by an organisation like the AA or some other organisation it might also be writing anonymously to them, drawing attention to the kind of doormen employed at the hotel and how unpleasant it made your visit - if you can draw negative attention someone may decide to take some action and reprimand at the very least. If you do it all politely and without malice and without making it personal about the men, maybe drawing attention to the need for the them to be trained as their job is to make customers want to return to the hotel, it is likely to have a positive outcome.

I think your anxiety is probably similar to a post-trauma response - I had a similar response after a urology consultant was extremely insensitive, verging on abusive, towards me when I was already feeling vulnerable (half naked with a my lower body exposed and had various cords hanging down from my genitals. In a less vulnerable situation I would have been assertive but because I felt so vulnerable the rudeness hit right home and I was left feeling traumatised for several weeks, so that even the idea of making a formal complaint felt too traumatic to contemplate. I wonder whether you are feeling that? If so perhaps your husband can make the formal complaints for you, that would go down better, from a man and without the personal emotion of having been the victim. It would also make him feel that although he wasn't able to protect you from the hurtful comments he can do something to support you, as he must be feeling angry about it on your behalf.

Suexxx

[annie87]

Hi sue good to hear your story and thanks for advice the door men were scum the hotel was Wellington park hotel in belfast I'm not sure if it is a chain hotel the manager does keep trying to contact but I am scared to talk to him as I don't wanna get anyone into trouble I'm just hoping now I have told hotel they can have a word with the door men and stop this happening again xx

[annie87]

Thank you photogeek x

[Hidden]

Hi Annie

Never mind getting anyone into trouble! The doormen were very rude when doing their job and they should be told off about it. If talking with the manager feels too difficult how about dealing with him in writing. Why not write an e-mail or letter to the manager, the address should be on the website, and explain exactly what happened, say how hurt and upset you are and say it has left you feeling traumatised which is why you have not returned his call. Sue

[annie87]

Thanks sue I am going to take your advice and email them now I will let u no how I get on if I get a reply x

[annielawrie]

Oh Annie,The rotton swines, i agree with all that has been said here.And i bet you looked lovely, They are the ones with a problem,they would,nt turn round and say that to a couple of hefty men,.Chin up girl,you,ll be fine ,x

[annie87]

Thank u annie and iv put it outa mind now I will Not let these bullies win and put me off going out again x

[annie87]

Thank u annie and iv put it outa mind now I will Not let these bullies win and put me off going out again x

[Hidden]

Hi Annie

I'm just wondering whether you felt able to e-mail them and if so whether you got any reply? I hope you're feeling a bit better about it all now, give the men an imaginary kick (better still knee in the groin!) from me! (not really of course) Suex