Well, I haven't written on here for a while. I've been in a terribly dark and lonely place for months & months after splitting with my partner of 8 years nearly a year ago. This was not the sole reason for my mental decline (as mentioned in previous blogs) but seemed to be the catalyst for tipping me over the edge.
Suicidal, I saw my GP toward the end of last year & begged for therapy. After a wait I finally saw a psychiatrist who diagnosed me with dysmythia and recommended psychotherapy. I had my first session this month. The lady was very nice but there was a lot of awkward silences. I would finish speaking and then look at her and then she would look at me & wouldn't say anything until I thought of something else to say. I felt this a bit disconcerting but perhaps she was just trying to open me up.
I felt really drained after that hour as I had pretty much bared my soul to a complete stranger. I can see that the therapy is going to be beneficial. As I was going through my difficulties with her I suddenly realised that in all of my relationships I had been wearing a 'mask' as I didn't want my partners to see the 'real' (depressed/miserable/negative/low self-esteem/social anxiety) me as I was sure they would leave. I would initially put on a front (the mask). But this is exhausting and as time passed and the mask gradually slipped off, I would slowly push them away as I was sure they would hate the real me. I hate the real me after all so why shouldn't they? I would inevitably push the self-destruct button. This has happened in all of my relationships as well as many jobs that I have had. End of relationship. End of job. Downward spiral.
So, I am hopeful that the psychotherapy is going to help. I'm not sure how many sessions I'm going to be given but I have my next session next week.
Still feeling very low I spoke to my GP about another anti-depressant. I really didn't want to go down this road again as all the medication I've taken has either had no effect or just made me feel sick. My anxiety has always remained and I've always had trouble sleeping.
I've just been prescribed MIRTAZAPINE (anti-depressant) which I have to take before going to bed. The GP said it would also help me to sleep. I've only been taking them for 2 days but what a difference. No sure if it is just the placebo effect but I feel like a different person. The term 'happy pills' definitely applies here and they knock me out until the morning! I feel less anxious and so much more positive and happy! I honestly feel like a different person. Everything looks clearer and brighter. But surely they can't be so quick to take effect.
It's not a case of more sleep which is making me feel better as I was taking something else (Phenergan) to help me sleep which did the trick. Some of the antidepressants which I've taken in the past made me feel better in the beginning but after some months this effect wore off and I would go back to feeling like my miserable self. I'm hoping this is not the case this time.
Has anyone else taken MIRTAZAPINE and how did you get on with it?
Hi ziggy .....glad your having a good experience with mirtazapine .... I was on sertraline for a while and was not feeling any better so my doctor put me on mirtazapine and i felt so much better that i recommended them to a friend who suffers from depression. but in my case the effects did not last long and i immediately stopped taking them. I am now on citalopram which i have been taking for about 6 weeks and i feel better, far from 100% but (hopefully) getting there. stay well
ruby x
Hi Ruby, thanks for your message. I was also on Sertraline but they gave me migraines. Also tried Citalopram which worked for quite a few months then it stopped working. I am hoping that the Mirtazapine does not do the same. Funny how they affect people differently.
One thing I will say is to avoid alcohol or if you do have a drink avoid driving as the combination can make you extremely drowsy!
Hiya, see my post below but the main point to you is, if the Mirt' stops working as it did with me after a few months consider not doing what my Dr. told me to do, i.e increase the dose, I did what he said and increased the dose and it made me a lot worse with depression. Eventually and off my own bat, I actually decreased it to 2x half a 15mg tablet and it worked really well. No doctor would tell you this as they don't really understand any a/d's and maybe it won't be for you but at least try it. Good Luck, Keni
Hi I think I've been on every AD there is. I used to be on Mirtazipine & found them to be really good especially for the anxiety & sleeping. I did go to my Dr & asked to be taken of them because I am a comfort eater & a side effect of them (actually most ADs) is weight gain. I piled a couple of stone on in a couple of months. When I told my Dr why I wanted of them she told me it was me who controlled what went into my mouth & yes she is right. As I say I'm a comfort eater & eat all the wrong things. I dont have great will power. I was put on Sertraline but they did'nt agree with me. I ended up under Physciatric Care & put on Venlafaxine (Efexor) another good med but after being on it at the highest dose for just over 5 years I dont feel its doing its job any longer. It has horrible side effects, for me they are terrible sweating & Insomnia. I have tried to come down off them under sulervision of my GP without any success. Have an appointment with Mental Health Team later this month in the hope that they come up with something else. Plus my life circumstances have changed dramaticalky this past year & I feel I am falling back into the black hole again. I am finding it hard to get out of my bed or out the door. Today going to the shop was my first outing in 3 wks. I am pushing my family away. I know that I am doing this but cannoy control it. I dont want anyone to come to visit me, family included. I just want to be left jn my safe place, my bedroom. Whilst I know this is not right I'm unable to change it. I pray to God I get the hep I need from MHT later on.
Sorry I drifted of the Mirtazipine. Yes brilliant med if you have good self control over what you eat. If you eat healthy it will be good. I had very vivid dreams on them, nothing scarey, I quite enjoyed that side effect lol.
Give them a try. Everyones reaction to different meds are all not the same. Whats good for one may not be good for another vice versa.
Good luck.
Jackie
Hi Jackie,
Thanks for your message.
It's all very well your GP saying that you should control what you put into your mouth, but Mirtazipine is actually an appetite stimulant. It is also given to underweight people to increase their appetite so they gain weight. So very unfair of her to blame you for eating more!
I have only been on the Mirtazipine for less than a week and have already noticed I am hungrier than normal. My problem, though, isn't food, it's alcohol. My life spiralled out of control last year & I fell deeper & deeper into the black hole. I split up with my partner of 8 years and have virtually spent the last year alone. I have no family in this country and no friends so to speak of. I am self-employed & the nature of my work means that I can go for days speaking to no-one other than my 18 year old son (who is virtually never at home) or the cashier at the supermarket and now and again new & existing clients.
My business means that I spend a lot of time on the road so I am forced to get up every morning, but it is a huge struggle and I wrestle with all sorts of negative thoughts and emotions every waking minute. How I wish I didn't have to leave the house. I have turned into such an impatient, bitter and angry person. I have come to loathe people in general and the slightest thing makes me explode (other drivers!!!). I have become a hermit but the thought of having a relationship again/ socialising feels me with fear & dread. Going to the supermarket for my weekly shop is enough of an ordeal!
I have always enjoyed a drink in the evening but this has got out of control the past year. The only thing I look forward to every day is opening that bottle of wine (or two!!!). Wine has become my companion. I enjoy the effect it has on numbing my mind and thoughts, albeit only temporarily. You think of an alcoholic on a park bench with a brown paper bag. I tell myself I can't possibly be one as alcohol doesn't have an affect on my day to day life (I never drink during the day & never get hangovers). I'm still able to run my business & take care of my house and son. But who am I kidding. And of course I shouldn't be mixing it with the meds. I know I have a problem so am going to need to get help. But don't really want to speak to the GP.
Funny enough I've also had some very strange, vivid dreams since taking the Mirtazipine. The other night was a man size orange spider....!! But, like you I actually enjoy them.
Hi, i too take Mirtazipine,and yes it does put weight on, at first you feel hungry but after a while it passes,i have been on them twice,make sure you have fruit around to nibble on.I was on 45mg,i found i could,nt wake up,now in on15mg,its a lot better,and i sleep great.I find drinking alcohol,on them makes me really drowsy in the morning,but it passes,its great meds. for anxiety,im happy on them ,its been about10yrs since being put on them.I also takeEffexor 150mg,again it helps me ,as i have severe deppression,take care x
Hiya, I've been on Mirt' for over a year now after three lots of general anaesthetic within a 10 month period during 2009 caused my depression, instantly after the last operation.....and thought my experience with them may, just may, help you. I started on one 15mg tablet then after a couple of weeks two 15 mg then after about 6 or 8 weeks three 15mg. I wasn't too bad on two but three made me feel worse with the original problem, i.e. depression, I only took three once!. So back to two 15mg and was fluctuating between bad and and not too bad for ages. Without advice I have cut down to one tablet broken in half twice a day (2x7.5mg) with, I can't explain why, 6 hours between them, I feel a mild craving after 6 hrs which is why I'm convinced they are addictive. I've been pretty good for around three months which coincided with my coming off a statin called Lipitor but restarted the Lipitor the other day and back to bad depression. There is definitely an interraction beween these two drugs and I don't care how many doc's or psych's tell me that Mirt' isn't addictive, it is, at least for me. It's possible that if the Mirt' seems to stop working eventually as many people have said, that cutting down the dose will help and possibly help a lot. Oh, and having a drink or two is fine according to my psych'.....I think the main things I have learned about Mirtazapine is that too much can actually make you worse than you originally were, IT IS addictive and if they seem to stop working cut back the dose, (it worked to a large extent for me and discovered by accident / trial & error) and be careful what other meds you take with it even if the doc's say it is ok....They don't know, even worse they may tell you that it is fine to, for example take statins with Mirt'....it isn't, well for me anyway and that's for sure. All doctors etc to whom I've told this disagree with me but I know what I feel.... ... I really think that the medical profession know very little about all a/d's. Up until yesterday when I took the last Lipitor statin, I was 90% maybe 95% ok on the 2x half Mirt' tablet (i.e. 15mg total)...... Assuming I'm right with what I say about the interraction with Mirt' & Lipitor I'm wondering if I kept slowly cutting down, by chipping tiny pieces off of a half tablet, that I would be free of depression...in fact that was exactly my plan until the Lipitor came into play yesterday. I've read that the statin Lipitor takes about a week! ..to get out of the system so time will tell if I'm right. Some people apparently switch to a liquid form of Mirt' so as to make the cutting down more accurately achieved. I very much doubt all GP's advice in this field, I've seen many of them since January 2010 regarding depression and eventually I contacted a psychiatrist privately and he has helped me a lot but admits that his profession generally has no idea if an a/d is going to work or not so GP's are even less likely to know....it is trial and error so I have learned to trust my own body rather than advice based upon self confessed ignorance by the medics. That consultation incidentally, cost around £100 ...not so much for a second opinion by a specialist. Really... good luck, Keni.
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