Mental health

[Stevie1987]

Well I was with the ex for 13 years married for 5 3 kids all boys life seemed perfect but the last 2 years of our relationship she cheated 3 times that I knew about my head and mental health got bad I became paranoid anxious and really depressed with the constant thought of her cheating I became distant I was always a big drinker but then I started taking cocaine I no it's not a good idea but I just wanted to feel sumet even if only for a while I tried taking my own life on numerous occasions I felt like it was only way to get rid of the thoughts and sometimes nightmares she is with someone new now she's moved on as I haven't and can't the whole thing and the way she moved on so quick made me think what we had wasn't that special to her its made me doubt myself about any future relationship the worst thing for me is I fear going to sleep but also waking up coz I no I have to live another day with everything going on in my head I sometimes wish if I fall asleep just don't wake up if you could smile when u die I belive I would have 1 from ear to ear i struggle everyday with what happened she was the love of my life and I will never stop loving her but hard knowing she doesn't have feelings for me