Is it me? Arguments with partners

[howtobeme]

My partner and I fell out a week ago. Background he had 2 nights out planned with work on the weekends he has his children. We are a blended family with 4 kids between us. He has his children alternative weekends and these nights out where on the consecutive weekends his children here. As a compromise I thought it was reasonable to say go on both nights out but be sensible and be home reasonable hours so still available the next day for the children. The 2nd night out was their xmas do at work in a hotel and included sleep over. I said to come home after the dinner as I will have 4 kids to look after and my children need collecting from their dad's and my youngest has football in the morning and I cannot manage it all by myself.

First night out and he came home 12.30am but was present the next day.

For the 2nd night out - 2 weeks later I asked how he is getting there and home, He said was to be collected and would get a taxi home. I thought I was been reasonable and as my son had broken his thumb couldn't play football the next morning and their dad had cancelled having them, so I wasn't running around.

The day arrived and his son went out at 9.45am with friends. In the afternoon at 14.45pm I got ready to take my eldest to their theatre xmas party. It was only then did he say I will be gone when you back as i'm been collected at 15.15pm. I said I didn't realise you be going so early. At 5pm I was worried about his son as had not heard from him, so texted to ask have you heard from him. My partner replied hasn't he text you, hes sleeping out at a friends. This was at 3.30pm, but he didnt think to text me to let me know either. My partner knows I worry and have anxiety, I did say as his father I expect him to let me know the plans and not leave it to a 13 year old.

The next morning he comes home but so hungover, he sleeps the whole day. I am left to look after 4 kids and do all the meals. I tell him I am angry due to this. He says I am making a drama over a night out, and it was a night out and hes tired of how I react to him going out. he says our argument is not just down to him. He says he has bent over-backwards and made sacrifices and hes tired of it. In anger I do say I do not want anything from him, do not do anything for me.

So for a full week we have not spoken and today when I say I cannot live like this, he says he can't either. He calls me a martyr and how hard it is to live with a martyr.

I do have some insight into my mental health and how it affects my behaviour, I know I can be hot headed, easily upset, see things very black and white. So now I am left wondering have I got this all wrong? Shouldn't I have been upset? Have I made a mountain out of a mole hill? I always end up questioning whether is it me or actually it is ok to be upset in this situation?

[Hidden]

I am divorced and unfortunately my son's dad wants nothing to do with him because he disabled. But you have been left with all responsibility at least apologize and don't let it happen again. I am great believer in talking even later after arguments. My mum usually more upset than us but dad it's water of duck's back and he does not absorb any hurt or pain - in fact he feels better after arguing as though it his right to argue and be right even though in the wrong. It affects different ways and it was your right to give him silent treatment

[similes]

hi! i hope its not too late to let you know- it is absolutely not your fault. its not unreasonable at all to expect your partner to tell you when he's spending the night somewhere else, especially when he is leaving all the childcare to you. his reaction to you being reasonably upset is so so out of order. you two need to have a frank conversation about it, but don't let him blame you. fathers don't get a free pass to be absentee- imagine if you had done the same!

[tamerlane]

Hello Life is full of give and take and when a marriage breaks down and new partners need to talk out and agree what needs to be done especially when children are involved.

Sometimes there may be friction and if that is the case partners need to understanding of childrens needs and expectations. If the old partnership is still around that can lead to problems as well and this can dictate another dynamic to be taken into consideration.

I know all this can cause problems, What I would suggest is you both try to your partner and self take the children go out together as a family, thismay help with the dynamic you find yourself in. Personally all past-/new relationships take time to work out as you will be both pulled in different directions, it is a complex problem, the most important you are able to talk and not loose your tempers. You are starting a new relationship, you both need to consider past problems in an understanding way. Give and Take