Colateral damage…..😔😞

[pratyaya_23]

Sometimes we are just the colletral damage in someone’s else’s war against themselves..!!..

Colateral damage… I describe it as damage caused to one’s esteem, confidence, individuality, talent, and so much more… But in most of cases it’s done by others…

Albert Einstein was a greatest scientist even till date noone can challenge his Theory of relativity… and many more… but how many of us remember or even know about his wife who was equivalently talented physician, if she would have given deserving time, opportunities ,she might have been today as great physician as Einstein… but after marrying Einstein, she gave him full support, she wrote all the papers to be published of Einstein, even shifted to her home town with children as Einstein couldnot afford family at that time and he wanted to focus completely on his research. Back in her home town she didnot have opportunity to be as physician but still she helped him but she broke down when Einstein got his papers published n he didnot even mention her name which she was very well deserving and this put her into depression ,too much depression that she couldnot rise from it in her whole life and later Einstein even divorced her. if she would have been acknowledged for her efforts atleast and be given fair chance to do her research… who knows story can be different. this is Colateral damage which Einstein caused to his wife that he finished her, he did it consciously or unconsciously only he knows but what he did, damaged his wife’s identity…

this holds true for me too. Yeah yeah I’m not great scholar or something or deprived of achieving anything….. but still I can relate myself to this whenever someone praise me for my intellect or brain or about some quality which is not rare but which is not common like when doc surprised and compliment me that you’ve sound knowledge of medicines or you have more clarity about your problems or disease, or when they say you already working yourself on the areas of life which acc. to them reason of depression… or when my psychologist tells me that she want to see me on the other side of table as she thinks I am capable of that…..

But even then I can’t restart anything, I don’t have that confidence… I always wonder why??

Is it because I haven’t any such quality in real or I just faking it or I’m too lazy to do anything…when I know doing something will for sure change my future and present too then why I’m not doing it?? I’m trying everything but not have enough courage to start anything…

I thought lot about it, and the reason is I’m being so badly fed with an idea that whatever I chose to do is not the right and intelligent idea…… here is the CRUX ….im not fed as I’m not capable of doing anything but with the idea / belief that whatever I’ll chose is not right option, not a feasible one, I’m chosing it just because I want to be different or stand out…. so I must chose by discussing with my partner, I tried this too but mostly its telling and re-telling me that what I did and what I not and now one is more added that I’m listening him because I’ve no option n this realisation is not out of learning like I think I’m changed but that because I’m not capable anymore and I’m the LAZIEST person on this earth… huh… Oh I took wrong turn😬😬🙈 …. so his this idea/ belief or fear of losing if I chose to walk my way…… but still I want to walk my way . But this fear is so much deeply engraved in me that I dont, can’t take that first step whenever I try to This fear stands in front of me and I get anxious and more fearful. … I know only I’ve to decide : do I like to live the life he think I should or do I want to live the life I want to? Its clear to me….but still this question ,actually biggest question is in front of me: What and how to come out of this fear??…… Pratyaya….. # coletral damage, # fear # confusion, #life #self damage # needs courage #suffocating #need freedom