Tread/sink

[I_Hate_Me_2]

The feeling when you’re surrounded by water which has a strong currant. Feeling like I can’t tread water any longer. Gasping for air. Fighting something stronger than me. Now I’m sinking.

[Imblue11]

Again I say I feel exactly the same way. I don't know what to do anymore. Right now I'm holding onto a prayer cloth that Prophet Tracy Cooke sent me. I wrote him a desperate letter asking for help. I can't hold on much longer. I don't want to lose control of my mind

[I_Hate_Me_2 in reply to Imblue11]

Sorry you know and feel this as well. Somehow we’ve got to get through the bad times. Right now I don’t know how. I wish it was as simple as being thrown a aid to keep us above water. Fighting the current is hard and depleting. I get that. No matter how tired we are we need to keep going. I’m scared too and ‘loosing my mind’ is something I’m scared about. Might have done already. Panic has been bad tonight and had to take a Valium (diazepam) alongside other medication I take daily. I feel bad that I’m on tablets to manage my mood, anxiety and sleep. I never wanted things to get so messy. But they have and it’s scary.

[Dolphin14 in reply to I_Hate_Me_2]

Hi

Look

to the ocean as a healer. Give your problems to the sea. They will go out with each wave.

Grab on to something and hold yourself up. Don't let yourself go down. Hold on by a finger if that's all you've got at the moment. Just don't let go. Your friend needs you❤️

Do not feel bad about taking medication. Your Dr recognized the need for it. It's an assist device right now to help you through the tough times.

❤️🐬

Give your problems to the waves

[I_Hate_Me_2 in reply to Dolphin14]

I have a poem somewhere called ripples. Will find it and send it to you. Not sure if I have or not.

You literally spoke the meaning behind it. Thank you for reminding me of it. You really are a special friend.

I had to double up on the Valium yesterday. It got that bad. Never thought it was going to stop. Yesterday the anxiety got the better of me. The GP is already saying I need to cut back on them. The quantity she prescribed has been cut and wants to make them last me longer.

I’m just finding this dip really hard to come up from.

💜💜

[Dolphin14 in reply to I_Hate_Me_2]

I used to find when I was at turning points I struggled more. Are you beginning to accept things from your past? I know you are aware and letting some emotions out. That is very draining.

Unfortunately you will have to make those pills last. I hope the anxiety is a bit better today

❤️❤️🐬

[I_Hate_Me_2 in reply to Dolphin14]

I’m scared to let my past go. I worry if I let it go it means I accept it and I don’t know how to do that. I can’t figure out how to make peace with what people done to me and thought and still think to this day it was ok. How do I let go off deep hurt? That lost little girl is still there and I know holding on to the past is damaging.

I’m trying to not have to take any Valium today. The anxiety isn’t as bad as it was yesterday. Still feel a bit spaced out but calmer than I was.

I’m scared the doctor won’t give them anymore. I booked a telephone consultation online to talk. Hoping she’ll slot me in for a face to face appointment. 💜💜

[Dolphin14 in reply to I_Hate_Me_2]

You don't have to forgive them and you will never forget. What you need to do is take your life back from them. Your little girl has carried heavy burdens. She needs you to take over. She's tired, she's been hurt too long. Show her your adult self. Let her see that you can be strong and fix things for the both of you.

I hope you get your appointment.

❤️❤️

[I_Hate_Me_2 in reply to Dolphin14]

I don’t want that little girl inside to hurt anymore. I don’t want to hurt anymore. Holding on to it all is hard work. Somehow I have to lay it to rest and move further along the rope and not stay on the fray bits like I have done and you read in my rope post.

The call back is on Oct 14th.

💜💜

[Dolphin14 in reply to I_Hate_Me_2]

Yes I remember the rope post. I hope your therapy helps guide you with this. So much of our pain and our adult choices stem from what happened to our little girl. I've spent hours going over this in therapy. It's not easy. But I know you can do it.

❤️🐬

[Imblue11 in reply to I_Hate_Me_2]

May God Bless us and Help us

[Dolphin14]

In IFS therapy I take my past traumas to the ocean to let them go. You can take the emotions anywhere but I've always believed in the ocean.

Hope you are well

❤️🐬

[I_Hate_Me_2]

I love the ocean. The sound of the waves hitting the shoreline. How the waves come back to shore even when pushed back.

[Roxylox in reply to I_Hate_Me_2]

Now that's a great incentive for us, the waves come back to shore . We get pushed back many times in life. We need to build determination to stand our ground.

I think I've built some determination during this past year since I first joined HU feeling shaky and beaten down. People on here helped so much.

I think sometimes we get according to what we put into this site. l think your username does not suit you. I think you should change it to something more positive. You have too much insight tohave such a negative name.

[Hidden]

When I was younger I used to go to the baths, and swim the length over and over again, the water cleaned away all negative responsis of the day, it freshened me and the cool water freshened my thinking. Now in my seventies I no longer swim although I use a spar bath and that also helps me wash away my feelings and negative experiences. Many Public baths, although not all have wave machines swimming or walking or swimming into the wave helped me as well. It can lift and freshen

BOB

[I_Hate_Me_2 in reply to Hidden]

Being in/by water really does help. Miss being by the ocean. I once stared into the Thames for ages. Stopping every so often walking near Southbank.

[Roxylox]

I'm at the ocean most days, less than 5 mins drive - that's one bit of luck I have. Would not have the courage to walk without my dog and my earphones now, used to be braver.

[Dolphin14]

Ty Luna

❤️🐬

[Roxylox]

It really is.

[Hidden]

you turn and swim with the current. Heard the term trying to swim upstream? Stop going against, and at least try being part of the flow.