Internal Scream

[I_Hate_Me_2]

I have a internal scream

Always try to quieten it

Yet there’s no mute button

No volume dial

Nothing.

Because of this

I don’t know what to do.

Please internal scream

Just stop and leave me be

I can’t rise above it

It’s scream is too loud

It consumes me

I’m not strong to fight it.

It takes ahold

Smothering me with

All it’s might.

I don’t want the

Internal scream anymore

It’s persistence won’t be missed

What more can I do

The screams are winning

Which leaves me

Loosing and out of control.

[Hidden]

Things you can’t change make me want to scream and things you wish you did but didn’t also makes me want to scream

[Dolphin14]

Internalized pain.... let it out.

❤️🐬

[I_Hate_Me_2 in reply to Dolphin14]

Mixture of both keeping it in and letting it out is hard.

💜💜

[Dolphin14 in reply to I_Hate_Me_2]

I know. I'm here to listen

❤️🐬

[I_Hate_Me_2 in reply to Dolphin14]

Aww. You always do. I know I’m to message you which I will do. 💜💜

[JW621]

I feel the same

[I_Hate_Me_2 in reply to JW621]

Sorry you feel the same way JW621. Have you any outlets that help? Mine is usually through writings.

[JW621 in reply to I_Hate_Me_2]

I haven’t yet tried writing.

[Hidden]

When the radio keeps playing the same tune, sometime it helps to retune to a different channel.

What is the matter dear scream

would you like to change the scene?

Could you imagine a walk in the park

Or how it feels to be a flower

Shall we stroll along the beach

and smell the ocean air

and feel its breeze.

Lets be friends and walk together

in discovering mutually agreeable weather.

Fill each of us up with tears of joy

let sadness roll on by

For everything must come to pass

and so will I

So in the meantime dear friend

of mine

Let us be friends and kind

💕

[I_Hate_Me_2 in reply to Hidden]

Did you write that Bkin? Can I copy this into my journal where I write my poems?It’s a lovely poem. Setting such a lovely scene. The beach, park, ocean breeze. Tears of joy and allowing sadness to pass by. Awesome words. Thank you 💚

[Hidden in reply to I_Hate_Me_2]

Yes it was a spontaneous response to your internal scream, basically the communication is to make friends with each other and not keep hurting each other, your scream internal and your awareness of it. By all means copy for your journal. Best wishes for your new found friendships with yourself 🌺🌺💖🌺🌺

[JW621 in reply to Hidden]

Love the way you write.

[I_Hate_Me_2]

I am in the UK. Not far from central London.

[Tiggerakafidgity]

Can I just say,I don’t think any one would help them selves get better from such negative words that are being read day in day out !!

[I_Hate_Me_2 in reply to Tiggerakafidgity]

I don’t usually re read them. The most recent ones have put on here have only been written a couple of days ago. Yet I don’t think I could ever throw them away. But have had many times of not writing at all and keeping feelings and thoughts inside. When talking was too hard (very often) writing them in a book had been the only way I knew how.

[Tiggerakafidgity in reply to I_Hate_Me_2]

Good idea to write feelings down.

When I go to bed I have an internal crying.I don’t know why.I can just feel it but not feel it if you get me.

It’s crying about anything that has happened.

I don’t even know if it’s even my brain telling me to much pain to live on this planet.

I’m speaking to my excellent psychiatrist in two weeks and I’m gonna pick his brains.

Along time ago I found a lovely place to just fxxing shout my socks of.like crying,it helps remove the stuck unwanted feelings that no one likes hey.

So tell me ?

Your scared of going to high ?

Because what goes up must come down.I’ve got adult adhd and by Christ it’s just not a level place to be.

I try to be sad all the time as then ppl wouldn’t see me smiling all the time but that didn’t work.

I’m used to flying by the seat of my pants.that’s what happens when your diagnosed with adhd at 40.to many lived experiences for 40 yrs that didn’t know if I was feeling correctly or not.

Take a kid of say 7 that kid hasn’t really learned the bad habits so he probably won’t know the difference.

Ok here is a weird one to try.

Ever heard of binaural beats ?

Nope.

Get yer phone get some headphones and Make sure the left and right are on your head correctly.

Now type in gods healing binaural frequency.

It’s weird to listen to at first.

I tried it for half hour before my dentist as I leave hand prints in the chair I’m that bad.

I went in smiling last time.the dentist did loads of horrible work to my teeth and yup I just sat there all happy got up smiled said thank you as if I didn’t have a care in the world

Have a nice weekend

[I_Hate_Me_2]

And know you love reading my poems. Thank you for always having my back and belief in me 💜

[I_Hate_Me_2]

Please be kind to D14.

It’s the way I have coped for a long time. Writing poems. Finding my voice throughout life has been hard. So writing it down seemed at first the only way to get it out. I’m working on talking and not keep reverting back. Sometimes I can’t even write or give words to the feelings as it’s more stronger than just a word eg angry, hurt etc. It’s deeper than that.

Dolphin14 has been a true friend to me for years now and has done a lot for me and am glad to call her a true friend who means a lot to me 💜. A confidant who knows more than others on here what my words mean and the reasons behind them.

[I_Hate_Me_2]

In no way am I wanting this reply to bring out anything more and saying this nicely.

I just think your wording came across as being unkind.

When saying ‘calm down’ for me it suggested D14 wasn’t calm and you was trying to start something.

Yes D14 is a lovely person and dear friend who I have been talking to since I joined.

I write and not physically speak them. There’s always been a part of me where I don’t voice anything. Write it down in a journal. Sometimes not even in writing do I get it all out.

If screaming aloud helps you I’m glad you’ve a outlet.