Connecting with others

[Mamatired]

I am having a difficult time connecting with others in person. I haven’t made a friend in a really long time and feel alone. What strategies help with connecting with others in a more meaningful way?

[Joeyman]

Hello friend, when you say you have difficulty connecting with others, does that include family members or is it with friends or both?

[Mamatired in reply to Joeyman]

I think both. I never truly feel connected or like I “belong”. It feels like I can see someone over and over again and it always feels like we’re strangers.

[Joeyman in reply to Mamatired]

Ok. That could be due to a lot of reasons. Was it always like this for you? People who are more introverted can feel the same. Introverted people value meaningful connections more than ones that are superficial. Another reason is because of suffering from anxiety and depression in which case the brain is overwhelmed and cannot manage to process connecting with others.

[Hidden]

Be attentive, listen Remember not to take over the conversation. Small talk can and will help, Expend your interest in them rememdering to explain your Hobbies and interests

BOB

[Mamatired in reply to Hidden]

I struggle with listening. I always take over the conversation resulting in squandering the connection. I feel like I never connect with a person and don’t know how to work to maintain the relationship. I see so many people who maintain connections from childhood and different workplaces and it makes me so sad because I don’t know how to make the effort to work to keep the relationship. I used to have people reach out to me but i let depression and anxiety get in the way of reciprocating and connecting. I forget things people tell me and get self conscious about my limitations although I maintain a sense of confidence. I also do not like revealing my vulnerabilities or struggles with mental health. I hate appearing weak even though I’m so tired and shattered inside. How do you become a better listener?

[Mamatired in reply to Mamatired]

Also I fee so uncomfortable when people are over sharing sometimes or gossip or ask for advice, I feel like the walls get smaller and I need to run away. I don’t feel comfortable with peoples openness and being nice. I feel like there’s always a motive behind it.

[Opportunity in reply to Mamatired]

In my world, you not remembering my personal s$)* is no big deal. In fact, it makes you more approachable. 😀 Have you ever heard of the Swedish pause?

[Mamatired in reply to Opportunity]

No I haven’t. What is the Swedish pause?

[hypercat54 in reply to Mamatired]

By not having your head full of your perceived inadequacies you feel or ill at ease and by thinking about how the person feels talking to you instead. If your head is full of negatives you can't concentrate on what someone is saying.

You need to learn some social tricks on how to steer the conversation away from anything you feel uncomfortable with such as gossip or oversharing. These include a smile and saying oh and nothing else. Or moving on to talk to someone else.

One I learnt if someone hacked me off is to say nothing but immediately start talking to someone else instead. It's very effective especially if the person asks if they upset you. I always say no of course not (even if it's not true) and smile. Things like that are how you teach someone your boundaries.

A sure sign someone is bored is if their eyes look glazed or they keep looking away from you then it's time to end the conversation or say something humerous like 'I talk too much' and smile. Then ask them about themselves or just start some casual conversation or small talk such as 'Did you watch so and so on telly the other day - what did you think about it?'

You are best off practising these in small informal groups where the conversation is light and constantly changes. I hope this has given you some ideas.

[Hidden]

Have you any Hobbies or interests you enjoy. I found it difficult knowing when to jump into a conversation. I found letting others make the first move then possibly jump in with what has been said to you, try note to gush, just listen there will be pauses, know when you can intervene, and show interest, explain yourself etc in small bites

BOB