Well, I've been considering telling my doctor i want to talk to a therapist, and finally get the help I've always wanted. With the thoughts of seeing a therapist i begin to wonder what i might tell him the problem even is. One of my biggest issues being that I'm terrible at socializing or connecting with anyone on an emotional level. Well i know that I've always acted out in attempt for people to notice i needed help, because I've always been too afraid to ask anyone. But when i started thinking about all the times i acted out for that attention, i realized something. I was always copying someone who had gotten help before. I realized this because at 8pm after just getting home from work and taking a shower i decided to go to bed. Normally i wouldn't go to bed till 10 or 11. But i started to wonder why i was even going to bed so early. Well a friend of mine was just recently in partial in-patient treatment for anorexia and when she told me she was depressed she said she had been sleeping alot. Well basically only sleeping. I realized thats why i wanted to go to bed so early. I just was doing it so people would think im depressed. Am I? To be honest im not sure. I often feel emotionless or that i lack the capacity to understand my own emotions and i shut them out. This also isnt the only instance ive done this type of thing. What i also realized is that in social situations i copy parts of the personality of the person im with. I feel like that may be why i feel like i dont know what to do around groups of people or strangers. But, at work i can talk to customers no problem. I think thats because i can just take on a professional persona, non reflective of the person i am and just of the work im doing.