Feeling lost

[Burgersmuch2021]

First time on this platform. So here goes nothing. I just got out of an unhealthy relationship. It was toxic and controlling. I'm trying my best to get over my ex. She has already moved on and that hurt when I found out. Now she recently started to come into my work and I'm afraid if I see her I'm going to have to start all over. It's been easier getting over her since I haven't seen her in 6 months. I work right across from her might I add. I've been keeping my distance and doing my best to distract myself. But the pain does not go away. I just want to move on and end the way I feel.

[Hidden]

You are entitled to as much happiness and try to pray. God will help you. You can make it and be successful and have a better life

[Opportunity]

Ugh. That’s no fun. Why is she coming back into your work? For meetings and stuff? Or is she hoping to run into you?

[Burgersmuch2021 in reply to Opportunity]

I have no idea. Back when we were together she would never come into my work. It's just a game she is trying to play. Maybe she is I don't know. As far as I know she already moved on. So I don't know why she would even want to see me.

[Burgersmuch2021 in reply to Opportunity]

All its doing is hurting me. I'm always anxious she is gonna come in. I haven't seen her in 6 months and I don't know what will happen when I do. I'm still healing and trying to get my mental health back. It's not fair or right of her to do that in my opinion.

[SoporRose]

Can you talk to your employer about the way the way your ex seems to be stalking you? What kind of business is it? Is it something like a coffee shop or pub where the public is welcome or is it more like an agency where it might be easier to keep her out? Might I suggest that. you keep a log of when you see her? you might even talk to the police about what would constitute criminal stalking. A therapist might help you to move on and have some useful suggestions about how to handle her presence.

But I would start with your boss, if you feel you can confide in her or him or them.

[Burgersmuch2021 in reply to SoporRose]

Yeah I have been thinking about that. I'm a manager at a restaurant and she works at a coffee shop in the same plaza. My co workers have been asking me if we are getting back together because she keeps coming in. Thats what really got my mental health low. We are definitely not getting back together and everything people ask me it's so annoying. Apparently she comes in to bring donuts to my coworkers that are left over after she closes her store. Again she only started doing this after we broke up.... so I don't know what else to call it but a game she is playing. She plays with my emotions yet again. That's why I had to leave her. It was always a game and her playing with me. It's hard though because the relationship with toxic but I still loved her. After 3 years I guess I just got used to the toxicity😔

[Hidden]

When I was young I made a rule for myself, Never Go Out With Someone I Worked With. I never did and listening to friends I had, I was right with bells on. If and when they broke up with that Partner Life became so miserable and sometimes it seemed to add to the harm of breaking up.

I do not know what to suggest you could ask to change your desk position with some other person explaining the past relationship or look for a new job.

You could actually try and be Adult and tolerate the discomfort.

Sorry it is a discomfort you may need to get used to. You could talk about it with your ex and come to an agreement some how ?

BOB

[Chase888]

Is it possible you could disappear when she makes her entrance?

When I was working before lockdown I would say to my colleague "I'm going to send these emails" and walk off.

One colleague said "what emails?".

It worked. Plus keep calm and don't react. But I expect you know this and I agree with the answer that is it possible you could confide in your boss.

[Smudge2522]

Can I first of say you’ve done the right thing taking yourself out of the situation you are in. The relationship with my ex ended about 2 years ago and I would go through waves of emotional turmoil every few months and then it would get better and start again (I had to see her regularly as we have a son together which made it harder) but time is a great healer - there is no timescales as to when you will “get over” her but each day you will find it a little easier and it’s understandable for you to be anxious about seeing her due to the journey you’ve already been going through for the last 6 months but believe me when I say that you are stronger now than you were 6 months ago and in another 6 months you will be even stronger - you will get dips it’s a rollercoaster (I’m going through my own dip at the moment) and that’s to be expected but don’t give up on the hard work you’ve done so far keep going and you’ll get there. Good luck with everything