Feeling lost

Hi Everyone, I'm new to the site but have a really big problem. I've suffered from Depression from the age of 12 and anxiety from 16 which resulted in a telephone phobia (making calls more than receiving). Now at the age of 36 and still battling my own problems my son has developed problems, his dad died last year and one of his best friends committed suicide about a month ago, I know he's self harming which I have spoken to him about, however talking to him about his depression and suicidal thoughts is more difficult, I would like to tell him he's not alone and I too feel these things, I would like to share my experiences with him but a lot of my problems stem from his dads mental abuse towards me (he wont hear anything said against his dad) I've been advised to take him to our doctor, there are two problems with this 1. I hate doctors as they all seem to not give a monkeys and just want to give you tablets and send you away 2. last year after his dad died they suggested counselling which involved self referral, I said I'd rather they refer because of my phone problem, response from doctor was think about your child's suffering instead of yourself, nice way to encourage and not make you feel like a bigger piece of garbage, I did in fact self refer my son but he was put on a waiting list and were still waiting, now the school is hounding me to hurry them up, yeah cos my son is the only child with these problems and been waiting 12 months!!! I have an appointment for him next week at the GP and hopefully she will be able to do something. If anyone has any advice it would be wonderful to hear, don't worry about thinking your being harsh or to the point, to be fair the professionals I've seen have never been worried about it

Thanks in advance

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8 Replies

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  • Hi and welcome to the community. You've given us quite a lot of information, and I hope that you found a bit of relief in getting it off your chest.

    There are a couple of elements that need to be discussed here, but firstly I'll address things with your son.

    You haven't told us how old he is, but I am assuming that he is in high school. Have CAHMS gotten involved? If not then it sounds like they should be. It would be worth pushing back on the school and seeing what services they are able to provide or recommend.

    I don't have children, but I imagine that it is really painful for you that you are powerless to stop him from hurting himself. Are there any forums or web chats that you can find to get advice on this type of conversation? Have you checked out Mind to see if they have any suggestions.

    I work in a call centre and so am curious about your phone phobia, why? How?

    Are you getting counselling? It seems like you've accepted the limitation of your phobia and the abuse, but haven't been given the tools to overcome it.

    Lori

    Xxx

  • H Lori, Thanks for the reply, My son is 14 on Christmas day!! School have put a mentor in place and as of this morning CAHMS are involved, referral from Dr. my son will not talk to me about any of this he simply laughs it off which frustrates me more. My phone phobia, well a bit of back ground I was with my husband from age 14 we had a child when I was 16, I've never been a confident person even as a child. when our daughter was born my husband took it upon himself to do everything, phone calls, shopping, bill paying, I basically became mother and house wife literally, I only left the house to see my parents or his. friends drifted away, It wasn't until many years later after loosing a lot of weight that with more confidence I braved the world (local shop for bread and milk daily) My husband didn't like this and I realised he wasn't being considerate he was doing it on purpose to keep me down with in a couple of months my confidence was gone and I was back to square one. So I think because I never had to do it / encouraged not to, as I might say the wrong thing it terrifies me. If someone rings me I can answer the phone and have a normal conversation, making a call to unfamiliar people (can phone family) however is a panic attack waiting to happen and because I know that, it makes it worse, I have coping mechanisms that help but my routine can take that long ( cup of tea, list of everything I need to say, another cuppa, read through what I've written)that I don't ring until the next day and the panic starts again. I do apologise I tend to waffle on a bit

  • Hello kthryn

    Welcome to Action on Depression. I'm sure our members will respond to your post shortly.

    Best wishes

    Chloe

  • Hi everyone, something that might help a lot . 9yrs ago I was diagnosed with epilepsy and recently discovered I am b-polar , I can suddenly be wide awake in the middle of the night , read a book for 2 or 3 hours and still be awake then drop off for minutes in the day and be back to square one...... However recently whilst I was researching I saw a diet for epilepsy and decided to try it , it said milk at bedtime helps you sleep , I never liked milk and always used soya milk however I tried it and it works , recently my wife has had to waken me up once or twice ( milk has melatonin =sleep) , it also said black patchy bananas have dopamine the happiness hormone , peaches have a sedative for stress and anxiety ,B6 more energy from food , and importantly magnesium was important for regulating mood I hope this may help some of you

  • I have not tried any more of the diet yet but aim to give it a try after the deep depressions I have had recently

  • Thank you for that although when I mentioned peaches he said in true teenage style ewww them hairy things no way! He will however drink milk till it comes out of his ears. It's also helped in that we have a cup of warm milk together at night and talk, not so much about problems but more positive topics or he shows me funny videos he's found on line, hopefully this will show him I'm here if he need me.

  • Peaches :- peel them with a potato peeler

    58wilfred58

  • If you have a GP appointment next week go to that, You can however get advice by a different route by calling the NHS Information Line on Tel 111. They will triage your Son and advise on any help they can provide. You may be able to discuss both your needs in this way

    B.

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