How Can I Let Go And Forgive?

My aunt and I get into these fights(see the previous posts to understand that my aunt is my guardian) where things are said and people get hurt. So she has said some hurtful things to me and has worked on making up for them but the hurtful things she said cloud all my mind of everything else she does o make up for it. How can I forgive and see what she is doing differently? I always have the hardest time forgiving people. So how can I be more forgiving in general?

[hypercat54]

Hi I know you have had a bad start in life and things happened to you which shouldn't and I am sorry about that.

Now about your aunt. I remember you saying she took you in when she was 22. Wow I think that's amazing and I couldn't imagine a young girl like that willing to take on the responsibility for a small child. She is amazing to do that as she could have let you carry on suffering with either another relative or even in care or a foster home. She has been a good mother to you so maybe think about that.

I'm sure she wouldn't want you to be 'grateful' for it or be beholden to her but it's obvious she cares about you very much. Ok I am sure she isn't perfect but parenting doesn't come with a handbook and everyone makes mistakes as that's human. But it sounds like she has done her best for you.

Many people in their teens go through teenage rebellion but things settle down as they get more mature and I am sure one day you will see how amazing she is. Does it make it easier to forgive when you look at it that way? Oh and you only hurt the ones you love - that's a fact.

[Marshall64]

You can forgive a person without telling them if you want. Just forgive them in your heart. That is more for you then them. It sucks carrying around negative feelings and that has helped me. If you are a spiritual person you can also pray for them. It is a freeing experience. That was the only way for me to get past the vile hate and contemp that I had for the mother of my daughter.

[Chase888 in reply to Marshall64]

Hello Marshall

If you forgive then do you get more of the same?

I will not forgive my brother because of the torture he put me through and milking my mother of thousands and he said she had nothing in the brain department and his dad could have done better.

I forgave my friends killer because I went to the trial and heard about his childhood.

[Marshall64 in reply to Chase888]

I was just throwing that out there as something to think about. It worked for my situation because the person is no longer on our life.

Your situation is different. It would be hard to forgive on that case. I agree.

[Chase888 in reply to Marshall64]

Thank you Marshall.

[Hidden]

You need to know how to say sorry. It can be difficult I know and I know the need to be adult and know when we are wrong. I can suffer unreasonable behaviour and even with my Depression I can be impulsive with my mood.Sorry to say I have no excuse so being an Adult with mental health issues does not prevent me learning from my errors . I am adult enough to know when to say sorry

BOB

[Hidden]

If your Gaurdian says something you disagree with, tell her. The same applies you you need to know when you have been unreasonable. No hissey Fits

BOB

[Delzek]

Sometimes Sorry is the hardest thing to say, admitting you were wrong is for me the hardest thing! Saying Sorry and not meaning it is easy , yet it can cause bitterness and harm your own mental health! I try to forgive and I try to apologise when I feel I have been in the wrong! I will only apologise if I mean it though. Your Aunt did something not many 22 year old would do nowadays! Taking in a child when she could have had Dreams of her own she had to forget ? It's difficult and I'm sure you understand that she didn't choose to enjoy her life like many of her peers ! No nightclubbing Romantic nights with her Beau ,She Chose to care for You! Of Course hurtful things can be said in the heat of the moment I'm sure I said hurtful things to my Mother that I didn't mean! The thing is to Forgive those who hurt you verbally (at least it wasn't a beating,although words hurt they can be fixed) and Hope that those who You hurt forgive you! I'm doing my best just now at not hurting those who hurt me,I'm trying to forgive. It's very difficult to forgive sometimes but try! It makes you feel better mostly ,as well as that Remember What could of happened if she wasn't there for you! She was now it's your turn to reciprocate! Show Her you love her and care as much for her as she obviously does for you. Remember we usually only hurt the ones we love! I don't know why? But that's what they say! Good luck and take care. Derek