I don’t know how to deal with my narcissist basket case of a mother anymore.

[sadandlonelyinspain]

My aunt passed away in May, and now that she’s not around to keep her crazy in check my mother has been throwing my aunt’s stuff away, stuff from my grandparents, from my cousin and even some of my things. Not her own stuff though, it’s only everyone else’s things that are in the way and have “no use”. Like apparently I don’t have a say in whether I want to keep some of my aunt’s (who raised me) stuff. We got into an argument because of this yesterday, which I shouldn’t have done because the results were exactly as expected: she wouldn’t admit to doing anything wrong and implied I was imagining something that wasn’t true. And later I heard her on the phone telling someone how I’m crazy and mistreat HER.

Earlier today she was taking a nap and I went into the living room and saw these letters addressed to some of my aunt’s friends with handwriting that vaguely resembles my aunt’s… Wtf is she even trying to do now?! Like people are even going to believe that my aunt was writing anything after she went into cardiac arrest?!

I’m not even angry anymore, I’m just sad. I can’t argue with her all the time, it’s exhausting. The worst thing about this is that I can’t get away from her due to a variety of reasons, I’m an adult but I’m basically useless and can’t do anything by myself and I’m socially inept. I still haven’t gotten the psychological help I need and everything in my life just keeps getting progressively worse.

[Hidden]

Oh dear what a difficult situation. I can only suggest you have a look on Psyche Central as there is lots of info about narcassisic people (including parents) on there and it also advises you how to deal with them. It might help a bit.

You need to start learning to be independant of your mother and able to lead your own life. Are you tackling your issues? Seeing a counsellor etc. I think this is the way to go otherwise you will never escape her and be able to live your own life. x

[sadandlonelyinspain in reply to Hidden]

Thank you for your answer. Yeah I look at that site every now and then. I try to avoid my mother as much as possible, considering that we live together and I depend on her for a lot of things. I know I really need to see some kind of therapist, the problem is that I have some major issues with socialization and I tend to avoid responsibility, and I'm also really embarrassed about my whole situation. I'm REALLY trying to get past these things, even if it's just a little bit, so that I can start getting some help.

[Hidden in reply to sadandlonelyinspain]

Why not get help now? All you have to do is decide you need some therapy and arrange it. x

[sadandlonelyinspain in reply to Hidden]

It’s difficult to explain. I have looked up some therapists in my area but I haven’t really done anything about it yet. I have like zero self-discipline and motivation and it’s extremely difficult for me to do things that I need to do. Also like I mentioned before, I have some major issues with socialization. Only thinking about what to say when I first call the therapist makes me very anxious.

[Hidden]

The thing with depression is that there is no motivation until you do something first to get it. Think how good you will feel when you have booked your first session! I shouldn't think the therapist would judge you as s/he must be very used to people being very nervous when they ring. It's up to you of course though but things won't change until you make them. x

[Blackclouds-bluesky]

Where is psyche central, is it on this site? I totally get what you are saying sadandlonelyinspain - I have a mother like this too. They are so good at making you feel that it's you. If you are living with her then, from personal experience that's not good for your mental health and if you can....move away. Do you feel strong enough to confront her? Take care

[sadandlonelyinspain in reply to Blackclouds-bluesky]

psychcentral.com

Sorry that you also have to deal with this sort of thing, that really sucks. I do think that moving away could be very good for me, but I simply don't have the means to do that. Confronting her, in my experience, results in never ending repetitive arguments and I just don't have the energy to do that.

Thank you, you too.