Hello every one please before I write this story.
Need to say it does deal with the theme of suicide.
I hope this does not distress those reading but need to get this out there.
Anniversary of my friends death.
Offer a helping hand and all the time get used abused .
If only he could have done the right thing and listened learning.
Instead took the final step the one we all know should not do.
I first met this friend at a disabled club, ignored sidelined by others.
Got talkin sat listening.
All I ever did sat listening as a volunteer in a charity.
One day he asked me for my number I said no but thought discuss those in charge.
Some times those in charge charities can be encompassing open to ideas suggestions so they agreed.
Did they know all about his actions previous ones I did think so maybe thought could just help.
At the time no one ever told me, think now maybe should have done so.
Also looking back then all different not the procedures and rules now then was flexiable and lot of the staff had enough in my view.
Stressful beyond belief.
Dealing with men with children minds used to come in seeing tears, tantrums and much more.
Me calm serene understanding patient tolerent a number of fine qualities I always proud of.
So he gave me his number, then it started the late night phone calls wanting to die, going to kill my self he hollered.
I am suddenly in the car jim jams under my clothes and he is prostrate lying in the front room.
Bottles every where and windows wide open all of them upstairs cold nights, meeting this encounter.
In the home inside door open and me trying to get him into recovery position.
Not easy ambulance called and the crew arrived followed by next door neighbours.
My friend in the ambulance found out more than I wished to know.
Threats and much more self harm abuse for years.
I found out neighbours others had left because called on them, one elderly couple left lived next door to endure this constantly.
Became friends and we swapped numbers but also saw still the pain the anguish this friend of mine causing.
As days went on in hospital he was inside for a few days enquired about mental health support.
Problem was him he did not want to go even asked we speak to GP. Had not considered he would refuse.
Even out of hospital I just thought GP ring nothing he ever told was in my opinion true he lied to me or made fun of me... Poking critical my disabilty every day and then the attitudes....
Never a straight answer avoiding my questions not probing just some one with a heart and care, concern.
I had to sit and think what do I do. Do I leave simply let him rot or can he be helped.
Not easy decisions besides my own alcoholism was flourishing made worse by this.
Proper direction solution would have been refered to mental health hospital. evaluation seeking answers.
I also found out been long term residents of homes and places of safety but moved about tossed about to so many.
Eventually council home where he was put in to.
I found had no support for majority of his life. Council set the him up in this home.
Yet could not fathom out why no one helping him.
Then it started again and again the threats suicide continious me trying my best.
There were answers I tried to give reassurance comfort some words of meaning.
Ended up me being on my own in the car again and again ambulance in hospital and again discharged.
One night frustration anger could not handle this any more.
Rang me one night late tired and had enough shouting down the phone and then massive guilts.
Hit the bottle in anger frustration .
Had enough no reply no phone calls for a few days.
Weekend conference thought shall I ring no point start saying the threats again.
So went to conference this mental health one lovely time.
Came back to my home answer phone loads of calls from my friend.
Then the final message from the Police ring them, so I did.
He had done the deed found him over dosed and dead.
Angry upset emotional what a waste of life .
Poignant bit was while at conference discussed this friend with some support workers from another charity.
Who were willing to help.
Please if some one says offers to help be supportive .
Please consider this always say yes never no .
Given time there are always answers solutions to every one who has an illness.
We can be all helped if we just listen think and remember to stay focused positive.
I have down days but get uplifted by the support I can give to any one.
Just a poignant tale as prayers said on the anniversary of my friends death.
Thank you all for reading.
My boyfriend stabbed him self 
I want to leave and I have a way out, but im scared
What to do when family members are toxic.... please help
