How do you manage feeling/thinking you're a failure?

[lafluvliv]

I don't know how to handle overwhelming thoughts and feelings about being a failure in the most important aspects of life, like with relationships, school, and work. I'm middle-aged without any close relationships, never been married, never had children and cannot any more because of menopause, dropped out of college, and have a sporadic employment history. I'm nearly 50 years old but haven't been able to get a handle on life.

[Tiggerakafidgity]

Hi there

I know how you are feeling and it’s not a very place to be in that’s for sure.

It’s all to do with ones self belief system.

You may find that CBT could help.

In that way CBT teaches you how to think and feel in a more positive way which may teach you and help you with your belief system.it can also help with confidence which in turn can help with a more positive outlook on life.

I hope this helps

Best of luck

[Hidden]

Inspiring thoughts from others say Pope - or if you do not believe in God Buddhism meditation try meditating on you getting better and good at something Guided mindful meditation YouTube just google

[Cephalopod]

Hello Lafluvliv,

Thank you for sharing. I also agree with CBT, I find it really useful because it’s a practical type of therapy, to help change thought patterns over time.

As a woman who also does not have any offspring, I can empathise with the very strong societal pressure that is linked to children and success. I have made the correct decision because I have a long term illness I’m still working on, so having a child would not be fair on them at all.

Again, the goal posts we are told to measure ourselves by are not right for many of us. I still continue to beat myself up for dropping out of uni, although that was 100% the right decision.

I truly believe that we can make friends at all ages, so that can start today with the people on here. Please feel free to send me a private message, it would be great to get to know you.

Post again if you wish, we are a welcoming community who want to support one another.

I hope to hear from you new friend

[hypercat54]

Snap. I could have written your post as I too have no partner or children. Life sure isn't easy when we are surrounded by people who have all conformed to the norms. Sometimes I feel less of a woman and a 'failure' too. But I recognise it's societal pressure and it doesn't mean anything as it's my life and normal for me.

I remember being a full time student at 30 and my dad saying to me education is all very well dear but when are you going to get married?

It doesn't mean we are a failure though, it's just life taking us down a different path, and we are very successful at being ourselves.