I'm in a hole

[Doneanddusted]

Hi all I haven't been on here in a long while. But at this very moment I have fallen back in that hole. I am desperate to get out but it seems impossible. My uncle died 2 weeks ago I feel like my dad has died not just my uncle! The lock down is terrifying. My son is being bullied and I'm pretty sure he hates me. I'm scared about work. I scared my husband is going leave me Im just handy for a shag. I'm not sure if I'm going to survive this time

[Cb1963]

It seems many things are getting on top of you,the lockdown is for our best interests, I was in a real strange situation myself a few years ago, my uncle died, and it was quite a shock as he was still mentally alert, but unfortunately cancer had destroyed his body, and then two weeks later I lost my father, but he had Parkinson's disease and diabetes, and dementia,and I ended up in hospital myself with a stomach bleed, and just managed to get out for my father's funeral, and then back into hospital, I didn't know how to grieve properly,there's no book on how to do any of this, I'm sure that your son loves the bones of you,and maybe use another word to say that your husband isn't there for the long haul with you,you have children, and that shows a commitment,sometimes everything can build up to a negative feeling,I don't know if tablets always work,but if you can sit down with your husband and talk,well isn't that a start,life can ebb and flow, maybe things have just gotten a bit to much,and you have taken all this in your shoulders, sometimes sharing your problems will help ease your worries. 🤗

[Doneanddusted in reply to Cb1963]

Thank you x I'm a lot calmer now but feel so sad inside. Very kind of you to reply 🤗

[SoporRose]

Dear D&D,

You are carrying a heavy and complicated load. When we are holed up together for so much of the time, it can be immensely difficult to find time to grieve, especially if those with whom we are isolating don't seem to care.

And you know, sometimes our kids do hate us, but they can hate us and love us and need us all at the same time. It's extremely hurtful, but it's also normal, and part of growing up. How old is your son?

Can you find time to talk with your doctor? She or he might be able to find you some help. Many couples are struggling and therapists are doing a lot of couples' counseling by phone or Skype or Zoom.

Don't give up. I don't know about your spouse, but your son does need you. He needs to know you love him no matter how beastly he may be right now and he needs to see you finding ways to cope and endure. Who is bullying him? Is he at school? Is the bullying over social media?

What is scaring you about work? Are you afraid that you'll lose your job or afraid of getting COVID-19 while you're there?

What resources are in your community? Do you have a branch of the United Way? A local NAMI chapter? If you attend some sort of house of worship, your clergy person might be able to provide some guidance and support.

I am so sorry life has dragged you down so painfully. I wish I could promise that everything will get better, but I have no idea what the future holds for any one of us. But your son needs you. That will always be true.

Ruth

[Doneanddusted in reply to SoporRose]

Thank you Ruth xSorry it took me so long to reply but two years later and I'm in the same hole. My son is now a gym goer I'm still my husbands hole when he wants it and my youngest reminds me who I am but I don't want to be here.

I do everything I pay all the bills organise school and meets male doctors appointments struggle every day to find enough money to put food on the table.

I have often thought of ending myself but I see it as selfish and I know that it would destroy my youngest.

I love my family so much but feel like I'm just a convence.

It's alright mum will do. Who will help me?

I've asked for help and nothing no one understands NO ONE 😭💔

[Hidden]

When we loose someone close the best way of getting over the loss is to talk out your Grief with family members or friends who know Him, This in many ways is a celebration of His life and you have the chance to move on. However we all go through similar problems it does take time to get over a loss, this is normal, try and move on in your own time

If you find this is not possible there are Grief Councillors out there who may be able to help.

Ask your GP Surgery if He can help.

You mention concerns regard LOCK-DOWN, we have been out of circulation now for I think ten weeks, I have been out no more than three times mostly due to a car Service last week and an injection at the GP Surgery, we made good use of that time and shopped for things we needed that deliveries could not supply.

I know the situation is not ideal, the only thing I can suggest is consider diversions and look towards any hobbies you may have to keep you and your family busy. To be able to take your mind of this seemingly irrational situation.

Monday will see shops etc opening up in a restricted form on Monday, so I suppose that will help you get out and allow for some none food shopping. Life is beginning to open up once more.

You mention your Son being bullied since the restrictions have been set down now for two and a half months is this happening at home or is the problem related to His Schooling ?

If this is the case you will need to discuss the problem with the Head Teacher. and discuss the problem. Why do you feel He hates you, You seem to have been used by your Husband just for Leg overs, Talk to Him and find out what is wrong, it may be like your household is all in the same boat. Try and get out in to the Sunshine or go for that standard one hour walk ???

BOB

[Doneanddusted]

Thanks but no one is interested 💔💔💔💔

[Bkposa]

oh no. I am so sorry you’re going through so much at once