I'm not ok

[RedPanda76875]

Hello, I'm a 6th form student from Kent, I still not sure I should have joined this site as many people are a lot worse of than me. I have an identical twin sister and we are victims of child sexual abuse, it all happened 10 years ago and I recently in November 2016 I told the police we are still waiting for the CPS to accept our case, I haven't heard from them since December 2017. Anyway, I'm happy I came forward but I don't know what to do anymore I'm tired all the time, I'm always crying and I can't seem to say anything right in conversation, people I think have been starting to get mad at me now. I feel empty and hopeless and people constantly ask if I'm ok, I have to act like I'm fine just so they will stop.

[hypercat54]

Hi nice to meet you and welcome to the site. Please never think you shouldn't be here because others are 'worse' than you. This site is equally welcoming to everyone regardless.

Now are you getting any help at all dealing with your feelings? it sounds to me like you could do with speaking to a counsellor so why not see your doctor and ask to be referred?

You are dealing with a lot of painful feelings and emotions so it is hardly surprising you are having a hard time coping. You did brilliantly reporting your abuser so pat yourself on the back.

Just a thought - as you are still at school is there a counsellor you can see there? Good luck and let us know what happens. x

[RedPanda76875 in reply to hypercat54]

Hey, thx for commenting I didn't think anyone would. I am not currently getting any help but have tried, at school there is a long waiting list for councillors, because I'm at no risk to myself and others I'm at the bottom of the list, because I leave in May there's not enough time, I'm scared to go to the doctor's because I'm worried they'll put me on some sort of medication and my friends have told me on those you feel worse before it gets better and with my exam around the corner i can't risk felling worse. My friends told me that I should go but, I can't see me getting any councelling if I'm not a danger to myself.

[hypercat54 in reply to RedPanda76875]

Hi counselling isn't reserved only for those who are a danger to themselves or others you know so you can certainly ask your doctor to be put on the counselling list. There can be a long wait though.

As for meds it is true that you can feel worse for a while until they fully kick in in around 4-6 weeks. Your doctor might not recommend those anyway because of your age. Maybe you can rethink those after your exams?

Do you have any family you can talk to? Or any good friends who will understand? How about your twin sister?

Things you can do at the moment include maybe looking into using St. Johns Wort? Google it. Also look at mindfullness, meditation and yoga etc. There is also online counselling but you might have to pay. A good site to look at is '7 Cups of Tea' where there are volunteer counsellors and it is free. You can talk to your hearts content there and it certainly helps me. Take care and remember you did the right things for you and for others. x

[hypercat54 in reply to hypercat54]

Oh just thought you can also ring your local rape crisis centre and they will be happy to talk to you. x

[RedPanda76875 in reply to hypercat54]

My friends are great and so is my family but I hate crying in front of people, it makes me feel weak and like I'm complaining. I will look into '7 Cups of Tea' thx for all your help.

[RedPanda76875]

I think I should clear this up, I was not raped only touched, I refuse to make it sound more than is was. Therefore, I don't think this is something rape crisis deals with, sorry if I wasn't clear on that.

[hypercat54]

The rape crisis centre help all victims of either rape or sexual assault if you need to talk to them. It is not for rape victims only. x

[MAS_Nurse]

Hello RedPanda76875 and sorry to hear about all that you are coping with in your life right now. hypercat54 is giving you good support and advice and I agree with her that a visit to your GP would be a good idea. The GP may know of services available in your area and at least get you on a waiting list.

I know the Rape Crisis charity despite it's name does offer support for victims of child sexual abuse other than rape. The link is rapecrisis.org.uk/

Also it must be very frustrating waiting to hear from the police, I wonder do you have a contact who you could speak to for an update.

It is good you have supportive family and friends and don't feel you are weak and complaining. There is help out there and please keep in touch with this supportive community.

[RedPanda76875 in reply to MAS_Nurse]

I'm scared, I don't know what else to say, but I'm scared

[KrierandRosie]

Are you at Kent State? This is a place for everyone so go ahead and reveal. We do not judge.