Mental health and Feeling that nobody cares

[Joeb17]

Hi am new to this forum i do post on the tinnitus forum.i suffer from some sorts of mental issues and take meds for this.but being in lock down I have had a long time to think.i am 60 and live in a sort of care home I pay for someone the check on me in the morning and evening to see how I am and to check I take my meds.i must admit that I have put my mum through hell with my drinking over the year’s I don’t drink now.the problem is when I ring my mum or she rings me she always find an excuse to end the conversation like oh there’s someone at the door or if in the morning oh I’m not dressed yet and the more I think about it.it happened before lockdown but when I lived there my sister would ring or someone else and the door would ring and she would take the phone to the door.i had not spoken to my mum since Thursday when today my sister who is staying with her rug to say thank you for her birthday flowers during the conversation she said better go I have to look at the meet and she put down the phone.i sat there thinking what my own mum does not want to speak to me.with the lockdown I am so lonely I have no friends which is my own fault because of my past and I need to speak to my mum every day as I love her and I know I do go on but I just want to stay on the line.this is not having a good effect on my health as I ha thought about ending it all but have stopped because of my family but now I sit and cry each time after speaking with my mum as I am speaking to her I’m waiting for the excuse for her to end the call.and it makes me think if my own mother does not want to hear what I have got to say what’s the point in going on she’d soon forget me.and if I say about how I feeling she will get upset.sorry for going on but I find putting my problems in writing it makes me feel a bit better

[Hidden]

Would it best if you did not telephone your Mam and just telephone your Sister. How does your Sister feel regards you being in some sort of nursing home, is there stress even there, Is this to do with you been in care ?

Does your Mother live in Her own Home, and what is the hidden dynamic between Her and You ??

It is no use that you are upsetting yourself especially if you have bad health problems, You need to consider your own needs and expectations.

Is the problem to do with you being in a Nursing home, Have you your own flat or is it your own room with a common room with other people ?

BOB

[Joeb17 in reply to Hidden]

Thanks for your reply.

I was put in the place I am 3 years ago as my mother could not cope with my mood changes it is a retirement home with care if needed.but also they have to take some people with mental illness or physical.we live in our own flats have an restaurant and we have entertainment.there are a lot of old people here with a lot of health issues.i think since being here there has been 7 deaths with a couple of them I had got to know them as friends.the thing with my mum I think possible she might not know she is doing it also I know she loves me so I can’t understand why she does it.the thing with my sister is that my mum lets her get away with thing that I would not get away with.

When I was living with my mother my sister would come around we would be watching tv my sisters phone would ring but instead of her leaving the room she would continue the conversation didn’t care that we were watching tv brought this matter up with my mother got told leave it it’s my house it is harder to say any thing at the moment as when lockdown came my sister was staying with my mother as she was recovering from breast cancer surgery.i am at the moment thinking that after lockdown that I might move from where I am even though it’s nice here but there are now people my own age and I think it is having a bad effect on my mental health as when I’m in my flat I see an ambulance arriving and think oh who’s died now.in will be interesting now as I have been locked out of my mobile and can not ring any body at the moment.also my tinnitus is so bad at the moment I just wish it wold stop I am trying everything to help with it but no luck even my sleeping meds are not helping have had four nights with out any sleep I have gone nearly two weeks without sleep it just drains me and I just think I can’t go on but I have to.

Keep safe.

[Hidden in reply to Joeb17]

How does your GP relate to this decision, did He recommend your movement out of your home or was this done under His and Mother direction ?

You sound very young, for a place like this and personally it would be only done under your direction and agreement.

What is your condition, and how is it presenting itself in family dynamics ?

It sounds like in many ways your Mother is possibly treating you as Scapegoat and Her Daughter a Golden Child

BOB

[Joeb17 in reply to Hidden]

My move was made through the mental health team who I was under it was my sister who pushed for it as she said it was killing my mother because of her ill health she’s 90 this year.i think it was right for this move the my mental health worker pulled ever stop to get me in here as it is not easy.a council place was talked about but that would have been bad for me because of my tinnitus that I have servily in both ears 24/7 I have had suicidal thoughts and being alone might act on them.i have an emergency wrist band that I can press and also each room has an emergency cord.i would find it hard to find a place like this but with all this time to think perhaps I should move but where.i find it hard to talk to people I do not know also I can not go out on my own as I suffer from agrophobia that is strange that with lockdown my brain is telling me to get out.i have made friends here and every one is so nice to me.it was 60 last year and my family through a party here we had a singer on the night and most of all the residents came I’ve never had so many cards and gifts it was so overwhelming that is why leaving here would be sad as it is so nice but on the over hand is it making me worse.what you said about my mother and sister i think you’re right she does see her as her golden child I can think back years when she was at school an grounded a school trip came up they let her go.but I can remember my brother doing something wrong but would not own up to it and we had to stand there till one of us confessed when they went to bed we had to stand at the bottom of the bed till my mum said go to bed can not remember what happened I think I owned up as I could not take it any more my brother is older than me we only see him occasionally as does not have much to do with the family even though he lives ne’er by it’s mostly his wife that rings in a year he probably rings mum about 6 times I know this hurts her but when you mention it she tells you to leave it she say that when she dies every thing will be split 3 ways I’ve said this is wrong expessily the work my sister has done for my mum she maybe the golden child but she would do any thing for people including me.this would not have happened if it was my sister.my mum rang me yesterday afternoon had not been on line long when she said have to go need the loo yes she does have to rush to the loo but when I’m around visiting and someone rings expressly my sister she takes the phone in with her and continues the conversation.i am now making a note of any conversation we have and putting down each excuses and will confront her it will be hard but I have to do it as it is making me ill and I promised that I would do nothing stupid but if I think I bore my mother I might think well what’s the point in going on.

Thanks for listening but theses forums help me a lot it’s good to get it of my chest.

Thanks.

[Hidden in reply to Joeb17]

Hello

I am glad you are content with were you are it is so important you are comfortable in your own skin. I have had problems with my family from very early on. circa 56 to present day and I know the tricks people and family play. I am soon 70 years old married, although through ill health have not worked since Jan 1989. Family not very understanding.

If you are lonely you can always come back for a chat, when you make friends you can always Private Message people for a chat. It can help. Of course you can come on these pages where most people are and they are quite a cheerful bunch

You look after yourself, stay well

Keep a Hold

BOB

[Joeb17 in reply to Hidden]

Thanks for your kind words have not replied sooner as my sister has not been well so I’m worried about her and my mum.but have expressed how I feel to the care staff here and they are keeping a eye on me.i will feel a lot better when I am able to sleep tinnitus so bad meds don’t work am awake all the time have been without sleep for nearly 2 weeks before because of my tinnitus it can be hell.

Stay safe and well.

John

[Hidden in reply to Joeb17]

What have they decided for the Tinnitus, has your Doctors discussed that with you ?

BOB

[Joeb17 in reply to Hidden]

No like most gps they don’t know much about tinnitus it’s only in the last few years in has been recognised as a health issue.a few years ago I was i hospital after an operation was in a room on on my own and had my sound device on that can help with the tinnitus.and a doctor asked what it was when I said it helps with tinnitus He replied what’s tinnitus.when I moved to where I am I have to explain to the care staff what tinnitus was so they knew that when I said it was bad they understood what I meant.have seen audiologist but as every tinnitus sufferers know there is no miracle cure.i have 2 tee shirts I had printed one says you don’t get it till you get it the other one tinnitus sufferers pray for silence.one poor person had been deaf since born now suffers from tinnitus.if you want to know more about tinnitus look it up it’s quite interesting.we are trying to get more people informed about tinnitus telling young people to wear musicians ear plugs when they go to music events as they we be the new generation with tinnitus as they get older.

Stay safe

[Joeb17 in reply to Hidden]

Update care staff have rung my mum on my behalf I wish I had said don’t.as the reply was not what I wanted to hear.my sister said I was very rude to my mother but I was only rude after my sister took the phone and started having a go at me and it seems that the care staff have come to the conclusion that I was in the wrong and have taken their side.now I don’t know who to trust it was the Samaritans who gave me the advice to not bottle up how I felt and talked it over with my mother.and even though the care staff here have said that they are here for me and call for help if I need help.but now I just see them as people who are here because I pay their salary.so where are go from here I don’t know.i wii just have to try to hang on till my gp replies the advice from over the phone assessment I had.thanks for listening.keep safe.