Bad fight

[Shilpa08]

Guys yesterday me and my husband had a very bad fight i said bad things about his family then he held my hands and in reaction I slapped him then he slapped me again and said bad things and asked to leave I apologised also but he didn’t listen and saying to leave what should I do

[Hidden]

It was bubbling, you were reaching your exhaustion point - you got it all out in the wrong way but you might have got the reaction you wanted

[Shilpa08 in reply to Hidden]

It’s a an abusive fight and things have got worse now I will leave the house if he doesn’t want me to be here

[Dolphin14 in reply to Shilpa08]

No one should hit anyone. Just my opinion.

[Shilpa08 in reply to Dolphin14]

Yes but then how to overcome it

[Dolphin14 in reply to Shilpa08]

Are you able to sit in a calm manner and talk?

[Shilpa08 in reply to Dolphin14]

Yeah I am calm but lot of anxiety I am confused what to do

[Dolphin14 in reply to Shilpa08]

I'm sorry for all that anxiety. I know how bad it feels

I would just say can we please sit down and discuss what happened. It's really bothering me.

[Shilpa08 in reply to Dolphin14]

Do you want to discuss with me??

[Dolphin14 in reply to Shilpa08]

That's what you should say, yes. I've never been in that situation before. Honestly if someone hit me I would be out the door.

[Shilpa08 in reply to Dolphin14]

But I had hit first

[Shilpa08 in reply to Dolphin14]

I am messed up what should I do I hate myself

[Dolphin14 in reply to Shilpa08]

You have to talk it out. There's no other way. Apologize.

[Shilpa08 in reply to Dolphin14]

I did apologise but I hate myself and everyone now I am so so depressed I am a bad person I don’t know how to amend things

[LilyAnnepuppy in reply to Shilpa08]

Amend means change. Just don't hit him again.

[Hidden in reply to Shilpa08]

LilyAnnePuppy and Dolphin14 are right. Just apologize (like you already did) and just don’t hit him again, use this as a reminder next time you’re in a situation where your anger may get out control.

[Sillysausage234 in reply to Dolphin14]

There’s always a way without resorting to violence...like make sure there’s nowhere to sit as an example.

[Dolphin14 in reply to Sillysausage234]

That's funny. I know exactly what you mean. I've made the couch an uncomfortable spot to sit when I'm mad. I take the cushions off it haha.

I think I've mentioned it here before. Someone made a comment about it being mean or something like that. I stayed away from that person after that. No sense of humor at all.

[Sillysausage234 in reply to Dolphin14]

Yes you blocked me.....I’ve changed my name ....you said you like my poetry ....I can pm you some stuff if you want...I’ve wrote a song too ...it’s called...no bitchin in the kitchen 🎶🎵

[Dolphin14 in reply to Sillysausage234]

I thought it was you back then.

That valentines poem? Yes it was nice. Until I saw it posted for other people.

You can just post your poems to everyone at once that will be easier for you I think.

I don't have time for poems today. I'm doing my housework. I'm polishing my counter top on kitchen island.

Enjoy your day💕

[Sillysausage234 in reply to Dolphin14]

Thanks for replying this time 😊

[Dolphin14 in reply to Sillysausage234]

NP

[LilyAnnepuppy in reply to Sillysausage234]

Yes, I'm glad I didn't have to play cyrano de bergerac

[Sillysausage234]

Shocking behaviour ...hope no pets got involved

[LilyAnnepuppy in reply to Sillysausage234]

You're Silly.

[Sillysausage234 in reply to LilyAnnepuppy]

I don’t have to take abuse from you I got enough from my ex .....I’ve reported your comment

[LilyAnnepuppy in reply to Sillysausage234]

It's a dirty, thankless job, but somebody's got to do it.

[Hidden in reply to Sillysausage234]

This made me chuckle.

Silly season is here...it’s all around me, not sure about anyone else, but chuckles are a welcome prescription. 👍😂

[Sillysausage234 in reply to Hidden]

We have to raise awareness to domestic violence

[Hidden in reply to Sillysausage234]

I’m aware and a past victim. I should have done more to make my situation better. So Sorry if it appears I’m not sympathetic.

[Sillysausage234 in reply to Hidden]

Should’ve punched him

[Hidden in reply to Sillysausage234]

Well... yes and no. Punches provoke others anger, then you have a punching and shoving match that needs a referee to interfere. There isn't one behind closed doors sadly.

...I do wish to this day that all those that raised their hands to me in my vulnerability and weakness to have something bad happen to them, kind of like what comes around rolls around.

[Sillysausage234 in reply to Hidden]

My ex hit me with her hair straighteners once .....got mad when they broke....must admit there’s many times I’ve wished ide of punched her .would of probably felt good

[LilyAnnepuppy in reply to Sillysausage234]

I threw a wooden hairbrush at my husband on a couple's spiritual retreat.

[Sillysausage234 in reply to LilyAnnepuppy]

Would you like to share the reason..?

[LilyAnnepuppy in reply to Sillysausage234]

No. Actually I can't remember

[Sillysausage234 in reply to LilyAnnepuppy]

Did you get to finish your hair??my ex never the wire come loose ...I was glad

[LilyAnnepuppy in reply to Sillysausage234]

Of course. Or I never would have thrown it. 😎

[Hidden in reply to Sillysausage234]

I threw a bottle of Tylenol at my husband with the top off, pills went every where...

he picked up the pills and threw them back at me... they stung like crap. We were so mature back then. 😂😂

[Sillysausage234 in reply to Hidden]

Pill fight 😂

[Hidden in reply to Sillysausage234]

Exactly. 😂😂😂😂

[Shilpa08]

I slapped my husband and he slapped me back 3 times then I apologised to him but he is not talking to me as he said it’s on his ego and we said bad things to each other’s family

[Hidden in reply to Shilpa08]

It is your chance to get out of the relationship - it is your decision

[Shilpa08 in reply to Hidden]

I am confused about it coz I started it

[Hidden in reply to Shilpa08]

Deep down, you must have wanted this - unless you lost control completely of your emotions and subconsciously you did it

[Shilpa08 in reply to Hidden]

Yeah I don’t know shit I am so bad I just want to b like everyone else and nice

[Hidden in reply to Shilpa08]

Ahh, most people have a good relationship and go through a few arguments but others have bad relationship all the time - but if you trust and feel deeply, love and then you should try to iron/fix it - it might take time - which you have plenty of and can take it slow and rebuild your trust and faith in the relationshiop

[Shilpa08 in reply to Hidden]

Yeah that’s what my parents explain me but I am so self centred and stubborn that it doesn’t get into my head...I feel no love for anyone but I can’t leave also

[Hidden in reply to Shilpa08]

Take the rough ride with smooth ride - yours is probably a complex case - because you have complex feelings, comfortable and somehow managing to exist within the relationship and mind telling you not to be concerned or take things deeply

[Shilpa08 in reply to Hidden]

Yeah sometimes I want to stay and mostly I want to go

[c-mac in reply to Shilpa08]

When I feel no love for anyone it usually means I'm not doing nice things for myself. When I'm happy then I become more happy about them.

[Bonkersy]

It doesn't really matter whether you hit / slapped your partner first, or they hit / slapped you, you are both being abusive. Unfortunately once violence enters into a relationship, it's extremely rare that it does anything but escalate. Perhaps now is the time for you both to accept that your relationship is toxic for you both and that you are better calling it a day.

You can both get support from voluntary sector organisations but you need to walk away both of you

[Shilpa08 in reply to Bonkersy]

Yeah but it’s not easy as there are families involved

[Bonkersy in reply to Shilpa08]

It's never easy, and there are no excuses you are both being violent, it is a domestic violence situation. You are both abusers whether you want to admit it or not.

No family situation can justify violence.

If you can both be grown up so that you can agree on some practicalities it will make life easier for you both, but if not, you may need to walk away.

[Shilpa08 in reply to Bonkersy]

My mental health is not fine still they are keeping me I am always sad and I don’t do anything for them I am way to too selfish I want to get better but not able to

[c-mac]

I don't agree that this means the end. It sounds like something that might just happen once, especially since you both feel so bad and shocked about it.

[Hidden]

Shilpa

Depending on where you live, could you get to see Marriage Guidance Council, they may be able to help you both, reading above reminds me it takes two to Tango, you are feeding on each others negative feelings and actions.

The problem is when couples start fighting the negativity begins to feed on its self and it becomes easy to blame each other when both of you are so very wrong, you need to control your angers, you are both to close to each other to work out a way of controlling both feelings.

Generally something in the past must have started this problem, and you need to understand why you feel the way you do, sometimes it is a battle of control and no-one will back down to make the relationship work. You are in partnership to live your life together, sad to to say you are still fighting about who washes or dries the dishes.

One thing if possible do not leave the home, in the UK that can cause problems in Separation. Both belongings need to be separated for you to move on

BOB

[Shilpa08 in reply to Hidden]

I am In India and here isn’t not like this here we try to resolve problem is my mentalhealth

[Hidden]

Can your families not help, I understand things can be hard in India and Society is at a different level than the UK.

Can your Doctor not help ? I have heard the male seems to control life in the household is that the problem

BOB

[Shilpa08 in reply to Hidden]

Yeah it’s male dominating my family is ready to help but I have not decided yet

[Hidden in reply to Shilpa08]

You need to gain back your confidence, it may be over time that has been depleted especially if your Husband is dictating and controlling your needs and expectations.

It must be sad and unfulfilling when you cannot make decisions for yourself especially you are placed under His Thumb. My Wife runs the home in the UK, I am unable to do much, so I need to allow Her to make decisions. Marriage is like a Partnership, everyone needs to understand that, She is not just a pretty face

You have your own life to lead and that is been removed from you, If your Parents can help you, go for it. Hopefully the situation will ease given time

Keep a hold

BOB