Is being selfish ok

[Shilpa08]

Hii I am really into deep depression and I want to leave the in laws house because I am not able to love them and take care of them I am good for nothing but I am thinking about just myself and think everyday that I want to go from here anyhow is this bad??

[Shilpa08]

Guys I just have this platform to express myself and to talk

[Hidden]

Feelings for independence is strong and may be the only thing you want from them. To achieve this you can do it by yourself or use your own family to do this with/from

[JustSo]

Depends... but think about the impact you are having on everyone around you. Seek treatment not confrontation it helps no one in the long run.

[JustSo in reply to JustSo]

What I found is just finding my own time and enjoying life ... kind of a balancing in life.

[Dolphin14 in reply to JustSo]

You come first. Try to do something for yourself every day. You deserve it.

[Shilpa08 in reply to JustSo]

For treatment also I need to tell them and how will they feel or I just can’t live with this everyday and get more worse

[Hidden]

Depends...what do you do for them that you ‘take care of them’? Leaving them to what if you leave?

Getting help for your depression will help you cope better in life. If your leaving to get treatment, then working this out with other family... Not sure if the circumstances. So hard to say what you should do.

[Shilpa08 in reply to Hidden]

Thnx for replying but I am just lying in bed all day and I don’t do anything for them and blame myself but I just don’t feel like but I need to get treatment otherwise I will go mad

[Hidden in reply to Shilpa08]

Then treatment is your number one priority. You are not good for anyone including yourself.

If your in bed all day your probably not taking care of your basic needs, eating, showering, getting a little activity/exercise, etc. You owe it yourself to get the help you need.

[Shilpa08 in reply to Hidden]

But at same time I am scared as these people will be devastated already there has been a divorce in the house of my brother in law

[Hidden in reply to Shilpa08]

You can’t stay in the current condition you are in, you said it yourself you might get worse? I assume much less functional than you are. If you don’t care for yourself you don’t care for others. So you can look at it that way.

It’s a choice you make, everything is about choices. Chose to stay and endure or choose to get help. You decide. Wishing you the best. 🌺

[c-mac in reply to Hidden]

I haven't heard anything that would mean you can't both stay AND get help. I know they drive you crazy, but they might also be supporting you in ways it's hard to see right now. If you can lay in bed all day, then you can spend half of that time out taking care of yourself, doing fun things for yourself. Maybe the wall you'd have to break through to say, "I'm going out this morning" seems too hard to bear?

[Hidden in reply to c-mac]

I think you meant to quote Shilpa08 instead?

I’ll add she said she is quite depressed, lacks any motivation, lacks the desire to take care of her basic needs and needs of others, so yes her condition isn’t as easy as just making a plan and committing to it.

[Shilpa08]

It’s so messed up

[CanuckAnon]

I think it depends on why you are being selfish.. depression causes us to be self centred and isolating already but if u stay there you are not isolating yourself and have to look beyond yourself which can be good for helping breaking a depressive episode.

I think that if you leave a support network of sorts that you could end up more depressed. How much care do your in-laws require? They are your spouses parents so you providing support makes your spouse happy eh? Is that important to you? What things make you in a more positive mood?

It may be good for you to help a bit so u get a sense of accomplishment which could help you with your feelings or insecurities... just try it at least.

[Shilpa08 in reply to CanuckAnon]

Honestly I am so self centred and depressed that I don’t take care of anyone I have become so negative that all day I think negative and I am stubborn but I am not able to change it and I don’t even care about my husband even if he is hungry in my mind I am like what d hell like I don’t have care for anyone which makes me so bad I don’t know what to do

[CanuckAnon in reply to Shilpa08]

I’ve been there and was for 4 years... I just started doing 1 thing/day to start so I could feel like I was accomplishing something. Things can be do dishes, brush hair, make a cup of coffee, get dressed, get mail from mailbox, take dogs for walk... clean floors... start dinner.. anything! Thinking beyond yourself is key though to getting out of the fog.... the more u stay isolated in bed, the more in your head you remain the harder it will be!

[Kkimm]

Hi Shilpa.

You are not selfish at all, you are ill and need treatment. Depression is an illness. Get treatment, you probably need antidepressants. These can make you feel worse for a while before you start to feel better but stick with them and they will help you.

In my case it took about 4 months of taking antidepressants to feel normal again.

Others are right also in that you have to work with the antidepressants and try to take a little step forward every day. When you have just done one small thing you can then feel you have achieved something.

Can you get treatment while still living with your in laws?

My thoughts and very best wishes are with you.

Kim

[Shilpa08 in reply to Kkimm]

No I can’t get treatment with living with them I hate them all including my husband now they have no manners to speak

[monkeybutter]

It's not only OK, it's mandatory when in a depression. I'd reframe it as self care rather than selfishness as it's vital that you make sure you're OK first. I've just come out of a particularly bad depression myself and have really had to introduce self care into my life for everybody's sake but mostly my own. Self care can mean many things, sometimes just saying no to things that will exhaust you or take you away from your recovery comes under that umbrella. Take good care of yourself love, you truly do deserve it.

[Shilpa08 in reply to monkeybutter]

But I feel I am bad person as I think bas for everyone including my loved ones

[monkeybutter in reply to Shilpa08]

That's part of the depression not yourself. It can make you resentful, angry and irritable. I've felt the same when I've been in a depressive episode and had unpleasant thoughts about others. If you were a genuinely bad person you wouldn't be feeling the concern for others that you are now. You seem like a kind person who even in poor health is considering the needs of others.

The depressive symptoms are not who you are and will pass, don't feel bad about making yourself a priority to help aid your recovery. Do what you need to do to restore your health and if possible let people close to you know how you're feeling. Let them know you need some support and rest.

[c-mac in reply to monkeybutter]

Big like!

[Tikirob]

Yes. Because a selfish person does not ask if it’s ok.

[Russty]

Obviously professional councilling always best if experiencing deep depression, infact councilling is great even if not in depression , professional athletes always have mental coaches , no difference. Yourself is the most important priority .have spent many days laying in bed like you , but ultimately for me to change my life I need to get out of bed , as laying there is a form of life avoidance . I find writing thoughts down and what's worrying or depressing me can be very useful , helps me clear and calm the mind , writing down simple tasks to do , even if just one takask day to get going makes a difference . Really important to be Kind to yourself don't let your thoughts think you are not deserving , that's just you being really harsh on yourself , let those particular thoughts pass they are just literally harmless thoughts nothing more , you are definitely worth it