since lowering my dose of meds from 20 to 10mg of citalopram (since new year) today I was a difficult difficult day.
i had a difficult customer on the phone, who was very rude and argumentative. towards the end of the call I was nearly crying, my manager was listening into the call when she heard things were getting heated. after the call she asked me what happened. she came over and i literally couldn't speak i was holding back a massive breakdown. i literally said a rude word in frustration and my manager said go take a break.
i ran to the staff toilets hoping no one would see the tears appearing from my eyes, and I was literally crying soo hard I was wretching over the toilet. thankfully knowone else was in the toilet. i couldn't breath and I started to get anxious. after 20 minutes i was able to wash my face and act like nothing had happened. but when I walked back in the office a few people asked if i was ok, my close colleague could see it in my eyes id been crying. i don't know why but i just didn't want people to see me in that way.
i started feeling 'low' again on Sunday at a family get together. Im just hoping i can keep things together cos I don't know how many more times ill be able to pull myself out. i could go back to therapy but really dont want to. if i get signed off work like before mum and dad just don't get it and will tell me to find somewhere else to live. i feel weak and havent washed since saturday. there were moments at work yestrday where i thought I'd be better off taking an overdose of my meds so i wouldn't have to suffer. Im just not sure how I can make life more bearable? maybe it's the meds maybe it was just a bad day. can anyone suggest how to ease the constant headache?