Re-born 3rd Birthday!

Today is my unofficial birthday, as in birthday when I three years ago was given chance from God to be here, live human life in this world what we call earth. Despite of my actions- 3 years ago I was so done with everything, that best solution for me at that time seemed to be a jump from 4th floor window. I was so convinced it will be The EnD. Happy Days.

To my surprise, that wasn't my destiny and since then, I had to go through different pathway. Discover different things about me& surroundings. Had to think out of the box to adapt somehow to my new lifestyle, where at the beginning, I couldn't even use my legs at all.

I am not gonna lie, in last 3 years I had some breakdowns as well,

@ moments when I wanted to give up because I refused to accept how disabled (mobility wise) I have become,

@ moments when I couldn't see my future because of my physical state (being not capable to do a lot of day to day things),

@ moments when health specialists kept repeatedly saying- most likely it is permanent, due to severity of your injuries.

Positive side, is fact that after everything I have been through& future prognoses- I still have New Desire/ new mission- To Live

I am not sure how it will work out for me, what else is possible to do, to improve my health. But I do know, I want to live, and I am so grateful God gave me a chance, yet again. bless

This time, I don't want to let him down, let myself down and I want to learn live without that virus in my brain which spread bad cells named " end it, give up...etc"

I want to thank everyone who previously supported me and most importantly one of the best advice I heard on how to act when "suicide thoughts/ virus" is attacking my brain.

- " Keep saying that your brain is lying to you when you think about giving up"

I tried it out, in last 3 weeks and it works amazingly with me, thanks for advice! Hug

I just wish, reading my story could help someone out there who feels that giving up is the best solution, that maybe life has put you in the corner or your actions/ decisions has left you without any reasonable options that puts you in Virus mode your brain. Just so you know:

1st there is always an option to resolve any issue, if you couldn't find yourself an answer, it is ok to ask for help someone!

2nd when your brain is attacked by " virus- give up", please keep repeating to yourself- it is just a VIRUS, human shouldn't behave that way. Human always resolve issues.

3ly it is not worth to harm yourself, there is no guarantee to anything. Recovery later will be the biggest punishment ever if you did harm yourself, and you will regret you ever tried to "damage yourself".

Today at church I heard:

" Knock....and the door will Open, if you wont, all doors will be shut;

Ask...and you will get a help, if you will stay quite no one will know you need a help"

We are humans, we shouldn't feel ashamed or embarrassed. It is OK to tell even a stranger that you need some advise!

Please, be happy with me/ for me on my 3rd birthday

Hugs to everyone

whoop, whoop 3rd birthday already !!!!!

[PNIAuthor60]

Praising God, rejoicing with you for your 3rd birthday - His Word is full of promises to which He is faithful promising never to leave us or forsake us!!

[Dancingdave1624]

Hi. I’m Dave your story really touched me. One week ago I sat on the top of a mountain in Crete for an hour crying and trying to find the courage to jump. My wife of 40 years died 4 months ago quite suddenly. I have started to come to terms with losing her but the feelings of loneliness have become more intense. I decided I couldn’t live with this any longer, it just felt that life didn’t want me anymore. So I sat there on the edge of a cliff and cried for an hour and then thought what do I do now? Do I just jump? But then I thought of my 2 sons, I thought at least I owe them an explanation, an apology, and a goodbye. I wrote 3 or 4 different texts but when it came to pressing “send” I thought what are they doing right now and I am going to spoil their day by just touching send on my phone. I couldn’t do it.

I’m still here with my loneliness but I know that killing myself is not the answer cos sometimes it will cause so much pain that will sit with someone else for the rest of their lives.

[Hidden in reply to Dancingdave1624]

Hi Dave!

Thank you for sharing" a bit" of yourself.

First of all, I m sorry about your loss. It is never easy to get over when someone pass away

I can only imagine how it is to live with someone side by side for 40 years, probably amazing feeling! Maybe try to look at it from different side. You was lucky to be in marriage for 40 lovely years, you must have enjoyed it! In life we have many different chapters where something changes, surroundings changes, our principles might change. And now it turned out, that changes had to happen in your life. We know that we human beings one day will leave this world, when and how- we do not know that, but we realise one day it will happen. Our job is to cherish those moments when we had a or b person in our life. We have to be thankful that to life, I don't know destiny that we had that chance to be happy with person who passed away. Some people keep searching, waiting to meet that special person all their life, maybe they missed it or didn't learn how to keep that person, well there is many different outcomes. All I am saying

is, it sounds like you was in love for great 40 years and it is beautiful! Appreciate it and try to look at it as a blessing but now it is time to move on. Because it is not yet your time to go. God will take you away when it will be your time. God created us, God will decide when it is time to go!It might sound harsh from my side, but it is is just my believe, that those people who have kids, it doesn't matter how old are kids, but generally if person has a kid, they don't have option " Jump& disappear" (by that I don't mean that people without kids have that option) , because parents will have responsibility for rest of their life about they kids. Even look at yourself, you came to the conclusion that :" I know that killing myself is not the answer ….it will cause so much pain that will sit with someone else for the rest of their lives" You see, deep down you understand it yourself- you would of hurt them by your actions. Again, that's just how life is- if we decided we want to have a kid, before having a kid we should understand the consequences. Kid is like a lifelong contract where is no way you can end it!!!! That's the responsibility for life! Doesn't matter what, when happened in life parent must stay parent for rest of their life. Same as kids, they have responsibility for parents as well. It works both ways!

Please, don't take my words in a bad way, I just hope that my speech will make you look at same things just from different view. You must be one lucky person- you had marriage for 40 years, you are rich because you have kids!!!! Please be happy, cherish it and be proud that you are one Lucky Lucky person, as I said- other people live all life and A) never find a life long love B) never had a chance to be a parent.

Sadly, we human beings don't appreciate what we have while we have it. We live& Learn!

Please be kind to yourself, let yourself to grieve but in same time don't forget about your responsibilities being a dad!

Thanks for wishes, sending you hugs back!

[Dancingdave1624]

Hi it’s DAVE. I’m sorry I forgot to wish you happy birthday. I hope there is a god out there looking out for us but sometimes it feels pretty hard to believe. What I do know is that someone/something didn’t want me to take my life that day. I’m so glad XX