Spoke with my doctor yesterday.

[Imaginator997]

So I spoke with my doctor yesterday on how I am feeling. Ultimately he said if I am not feeling better by next week he would send me back to the hospital/psych ward. He upped my medication. He told me I am suffering from chronic suicidal thoughts that come out of no where, and because of this I am frustrated with these thoughts of suicide, and ultimately it makes me want to act upon these suicidal thoughts. Has anybody had any experience like this, oh and also what is the adult psych ward like? I am turning 18 on March 18th. Hopefully I won't have to go but just in case is there anybody who is 18 and has been in the adult ward if so what was your experience like, I have been only to the adolescent.

[MAS_Nurse]

Hi there,

I can't answer your question about adult psychiatric ward experience. I presume you live in the States, as we have a slightly different system here in UK, where children and young people with mental health problems are supported by CAMHS (Children and Adolescent Mental Health Services), who would be involved in the transition to adult services. A person may be sectioned voluntarily or detained against their will into a psychiatric unit under the Mental Health Act, 1983, and it is a decision that is not taken lightly.

In regards to your suicidal ideation, here is a web link to Mind UK a mental health charity that has some really helpful information, which though UK based will be relevant to you, and you can be more informed about the choices of treatment you can ask your own mental health team about. As you scroll through, look at the information on helping yourself, creating a safety plan etc.

Mind UK- Suicidal feelings:mind.org.uk/information-sup...

Keep handy for emergencies our Crisis support helplines: shawmindfoundation.org/supp...

Hope this helps. Stay safe. Let us know how you are doing.

Best wishes,

MAS Nurse and Moderator

[Hidden]

I am so sorry that you are in this situation, Unfortunately I can’t give advice on the adult ward as I have never been in one, but you know you can pm me if you want to talk things through.

[Hidden]

What medication are you on

[Imaginator997 in reply to Hidden]

Lithium

[Hidden in reply to Imaginator997]

Did you have suicidal thoughts before starting it !?

[Imaginator997 in reply to Hidden]

Yes

[Hidden in reply to Imaginator997]

I've just read that lithium is the best thing to stop them thoughts, what is it that makes you think about suicide, do you know ? Is it a reason/reasons or is it a thought that you can't stop ?

[Imaginator997 in reply to Hidden]

It worked for a short while, and when it did it was wonderful, felt like I was in top of the world, but the moment I went back to school my thoughts came back, my doctor thinks the level needs readjustment.

[Hidden in reply to Imaginator997]

Is there anything that bothers you in your head apart from the suicidal thoughts ? Ie a fear of something ? Is the suicidal thought a solution to another thought that troubles you ? Tell me if I'm asking too many questions, I just know sometimes it's good to talk

[Imaginator997 in reply to Hidden]

No don’t worry, you are not asking to many questions, that is the frustrating piece the thoughts are coming abruptly from nowhere, the doctor says I am suffering from chronic suicidal thoughts. I am frustrated that I am having these thoughts so therefore it is making me want to act on these thoughts, as explained from him.

[Hidden in reply to Imaginator997]

Are you happy at school ? I hated school

[Imaginator997 in reply to Hidden]

No, at school I put constant pressure on myself with my grades, I was in small classes so that made me feel inferior to other kids, I was very hard on myself, all this while being a straight a student.

[Hidden in reply to Imaginator997]

I left school with no qualifications, in fact I got kicked out of school, so your doing way better than me. You see we don't have to be brilliant at everything, sometimes we just have to be content. There isn't anything in the world that is worth losing your mind over, let's say you flopped an exam or didn't get a straight A ?, what's the worst that's going to happen ? Let's say your putting yourself under that much pressure, it's making you I'll ? Regardless what marks you get, your mental health is so much more important. Some of the happiest people I know are people who do things like gardening, painting etc ...

[Imaginator997]

My parents think that as soon as I went back to school, the level of lithium went out of wack, something went wrong with the level.

[Hidden]

Is something bothering you at school ? That you don't like to tell anyone ? Struggling with the work, bullies, abuse, personal anxiety ? It would seem that lithium wouldn't know where you are, but your mind and emotions would

[Imaginator997 in reply to Hidden]

I was taken out of school, and am now on home instruction, but before that happened I was going to the actual school, I was going to the library and getting my work done there but because of the other kids in the library it gave me anxiety issues, then the same thing happened with the cafeteria, I think my thoughts of suicide are related to my anxiety. But then again I am just at home and I am still having thoughts of suicide. The best way I can explain it is my mind tells me constantly you have to kill yourself, and it even happens when I am having a good time. If it helps I have major depression and anxiety, especially socially.

[Hidden in reply to Imaginator997]

I understand you, do you have many friends or does your anxiety prevent you from interacting ?

[Imaginator997 in reply to Hidden]

No friends pretty much, the one that I had was a bad influence, the friends I have had were short lived and forgot about me, my anxiety definitely prevents me from interacting.

[Hidden in reply to Imaginator997]

I'm the same, so I know how loneliness feels, it gives way too much time to think. What do you think right now would help with your anxiety ?

[Imaginator997 in reply to Hidden]

One thing that I try to do is to distract myself.

[Hidden in reply to Imaginator997]

How's the distractions going ? Good ? Or not so good ? What distractions do you use ?

[Imaginator997 in reply to Hidden]

Unfortunately the distractions have not been so effective, I usually try to watch tv and use my computer but I am so absorbed in my feelings I end up watching triggering stuff.😔

[Hidden in reply to Imaginator997]

I understand that, what's the triggering stuff that you watch ?

[Imaginator997 in reply to Hidden]

Videos about suicide and depressing stuff, even when I watch good things they don’t distract my thoughts.

[Hidden]

Have you been reassured that you won't have to go back to school ?

[Imaginator997 in reply to Hidden]

Yes, I will most likely be going to sagamore hospital day program and I will get some credits there, when that is done I will be on home instruction to finish up the year.

[Hidden in reply to Imaginator997]

Well that's good, that's one anxiety that you can let go of, no more kids in the library or cafeteria. What do you plan on doing after you finished your studies, or are you not sure yet ?

[Imaginator997 in reply to Hidden]

Oh how I wish I was positive in that answer, I do plan on going to Nassau community college, but what to study is the question, honestly in my current state I can’t see myself persuing anything. I see no future for myself. I feel like my mind is holding me back, it has robbed me already of friends and my senior year of experience.

[Hidden in reply to Imaginator997]

You have got loads of time to sit and think about what you might want to do in the future, I wish I was your age again, I would do it all so different, what do you think would make you feel content ? Forget about high flying jobs, study and all the major accomplishments right now and think of something that you think would make you content with yourself, just one thing