I contemplated suicide for years. I even had a plan. It wasn't until my ex-husband, the father of my adult daughter, shot himself in the temple with a pistol, that I never thought of suicide as the answer again. He didn't die immediately. The hospital staff kept him breathing until my daughter got there. He passed away in her arms. My daughter believed she wasn't enough for him to live for. My daughter suffers from PTSD from what she saw. She is, was, a licensed nurse. Since this tragedy, her life has gone to hell. She got on drugs, left her family, two young boys, husband and has been a vagabond living from couch to couch in friends homes. She is also a convicted felon now for some bad choices she made and was caught. She has no job, no money, no car and is now running out of friends. The aftermath of suicide lives on forever with the loved ones left behind.
When I was thinking of suicide, in my mind everyone would be better off without me. Oh, that is so not true. My sweet grandsons don't understand where Papa is or why their mother left them. I have a mental illness, my daughter does, and so on. The meds I take are not always enough to quell the anxiety and sadness and hopelessness that rears up almost every day inside me. Knowing it will pass helps, if only for a few hours. I do know what it feels like not to want to die, but to be happy. I don't think anyone wants to die. All they want is peace. That's just my thoughts on how I feel for myself.
My daughter threatens suicide often. I do know if someone wants to commit suicide, there is nothing you can do to stop them. Maybe for a while, but they will find a way eventually. But, I hope my story will give you pause before making that choice. God bless you and love and prayers to all.