I am so angry with myself for feeling like this all the time

[McCartas]

I've been feeling like this for all my adult life. Every time I start to get my life together, make strides to improve my health, excercise, diet, organise my work etc. the asshole inside me takes a hold and drags me back to zero. I'm there again.

I had a week, running regularly, starting back into the gym, lifting weights, trying hard at work and generally seeing how I could get my confidence back. It was a hard struggle, but I pushed through.

Then today, for no reason whatsoever than that my mind doesn't work right, I'm back in the pit of darkness that I worked so hard to claw myself out of. I hate myself, I have zero hope for the future and I have worked out that there is zero point in bothering to even try and fight this nature. It's who I am. I'm destined to live miserable or not live at all. No point in fighting it, because it always wins.

[MAS_Nurse]

Hi McCartas, welcome to this community and well done for being brave enough to reach out for help. It sounds like you've been really trying hard to manage your mental and physical health on your own. Hopefully you find this a supportive and empathic forum, and that other users will come alongside you, who have experienced similar feelings to you. Feeling angry is a natural emotion when we're frustrated. Maybe channel that anger in a positive way rather, than turn it in on yourself, by having a chat to your GP about how you feel? Do you have access to local mental health services that you can either self-refer or be referred to? It may be that short term medications alongside psychological therapies such as CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) or mindfulness training, may be helpful in exploring your thought processes and negative behaviours that may perpetuate repeating thought patterns that can hold you back from moving forward. Take a look at the pinned posts on the right side of this screen at links to the free mental health guides and the crisis helplines. Keep in touch. Best wishes

[McCartas in reply to MAS_Nurse]

Hi MAS_nurse,

I've been through and spat out of the MH system. Been on countless different drugs, had CBT and ultimately, because I have not killed myself yet, I'm not considered a priority. Catch 22.

I've no positive outputs for my anger and no energy left to keep knocking on doors that are closed to me.

I've essentially been told that as my condition is so long standing and difficult to treat that I'm on my own.

There isn't the help for people that there needs to be and if and when it does get too much for me, I'm sure I'll prove a helpful statistic in a spending review.

[MAS_Nurse in reply to McCartas]

Hi McCartas,

I'm sorry you feel the MH system has failed you. Have you looked at any voluntary and local MH support groups e.g. 'Mind' the mental health charity have local groups and online help.

mind.org.uk/

If you feel you are in a crisis do call the Samaritans: Tel. 116 123

Eating healthily, exercising and keeping up a daily routine is important and beneficial for men Hopefully others on here may have some good ideas too.

Stay safe. Keep in touch

[McCartas]

Mind did what they could and the worker I met with was the most relatable and understanding of any I'd met, but their support was limited to a certain number of sessions and ultimately my support worker had to admit that my condition was too deep routed and long standing for their resources.

It's been suggested that I look at psychotherapy or psycho analysis, which I did, but after a few sessions I concluded that it's pure quackery. An hour talking about my feelings made me feel worse and never had any positive impact, or resulted in any suggestions for improvement.

What i have is real. I can physically feel it in my skull, eating me away. Talking to someone in a comfy chair will not help me any more than it would help someone with cancer, or flu or diabetes.

[McCartas]

Also the Samaritans are well intentioned, but I have a rational handle on my situation. I'm quite clear about how miserable I am and that living with it for the rest of my natural life is not an option. If it can't be treated then it leaves no option but suicide. That's a rational conclusion based on decades of experience and not a panicked and hurried decision.

[Hidden]

Hello McCartas, welcome to this site I really hope We can help you fight through your condition.

My mental health condition started in infant school and from that point at various times of my life I have suffered mental health problems. I became Chronically Disabled in 1983 and that made matters even worse for me as they Pensioned me off from the job I had been doing for over twenty six years. The only work I have been able to do is Mental Health Voluntary Work.

I do not know what your past problems are, although all I can suggest is that you come to terms with the cause and effect. The cause needs to be addressed and hopefully you will be able to move on through into a more positive outlook in your Life in general. We can never put the clocks back to those bad times, we can with help move on with some help and understanding.

What I suggest is that you take each problem and break up all the salient points into small bites, do the same with each problem and concern. Deal with each bite and problem solve that, then move onto the next bite. If you get stuck move on to your next negative memory and do the same. Eventually you will get through what has distressed you in the past.

You need to possibly accept what has caused your problems when young, this is very hard and it will take time.

If you feel Suicidal call the NHS Helpline on Tel 111 and explain you are frightened. They will help you and arrange some support,

If you need to talk you will meet people here like our Nurse. If you need to PM someone use their site name and send an internal Private Message. Look under your site name you will find a title Message. Press the button and that will take you to a page where you can correspond.

BOB

[Zolabud2901]

Hi I'm exactly the same as you, I keep thinking what's the point !! Xzoe

[eeeeeeee]

ur just doing ur best maybe u need a minute chill bro dont even trip xoxo gossip girl0