I've been brought up in a loving family, had brilliant friends, done well at school, got in to the uni I wanted and just graduated with a good grade, but this just isn't enough!! I'm constantly sad! I've been having therapy session and taking medication since January and although it's helped a bit, I feel myself slipping further and further in to depression! I feel worthless and a waste of space, I don't believe anyone likes me as a person and I just can't shake it off! On top of this I feel selfish and guilty because I have no "right" to be depressed when other people face far worse situations than I do!
Someone please tell me they feel the same! I can't cope like this much longer!!
Pleasee
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Mid-Night1991
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Yeah I had a similar situation.. It happens and although you said you have brilliant friends what I found was my friends were the ones dragging me down.. without me realising they were causing me more stress than i wanted to have on board.. i was going threw some family stuff at home and i felt like i was stuck in the middle been the one to blame always... until one night .. i had a 4 hour long bath. .2 drinks and sad music on shuffle.. and I just sat and thought about everything. . You need time to think .. your mind has been busy with exams & with college that you haven't had any "me" time.. so as I'm sitting in the bath I'm thinking what is the point been here I'm better off not. . I was subconsciously comparing myself to all my friends - they all either have boyfriends or babies, and that's what I wanted.. I alienated myself for a few weeks and took everything as it came one by one.. I needed the time to think & be myself .. I later found a guy that lovesmme for me.. and here we are two years later still going strong.. The guy is now my shoulder to cry on & when I need him he's there..my point in all this.. is don't give up! Although I felt alone and upset I couldn't give up I have a beautiful sister that I adore and I couldn't imagine my mam sitting her down telling her that something had happened to me..
Today when something triggers your depression feeling.
Think back 5 minutes and what happened and why it happened..One by one.. eliminate them .. its a slow process but it's worth it.
Hi
I am sorry you are feeling so sad. It sounds as though you have not grown up with positive self esteem and as that comes from experiences in early life you may have had a good life but in certain ways it seems not to have met your need for love and positive affirmation.
If you are still attached to the Uni you may be able to see the counsellor there who can help support you and enable you to begin to understand what has been missing in your life.
from what you say it sound as thought its the depression talking , telling you you're worthless ,a waste of space and that no one likes you . unfortunately depression is so powerful you end up believing it . . I've been there so know what it feels like . ITS NOT TRUE . there is no rhyme nor reason to who has depression or why , it does not discriminate .You don't need to justify how you're feeling at the moment , if you feel sad , then you feel sad . I know its not easy however remind yourself what things you have done and have got . something a therapist told me to do is tell your depression f**k off .. . is there a helpline you could ring for support to help you through this difficult time . if you are in Britain you could ring Samaritans ( not just for people who are suicidal ) Sane or Mind .
one thing you're not alone although it may feel like it at the moment . we're all here for /for you to talk whenever you want to . take care x
Hi there as this appears to be your first post, it is hard for me to know if this is how
You feel today or for the last 3 months. Yes on the surface things appear to be great in your life, but that alone. Does not preclude you from Depression. I would suggest you
See a GP and get referred for therapy to see what is going on.
Obviously something is not right and you don't say what age you are , or if your working, so it's hard to get a picture of how you are. Did you graduate? And are you
Working? All these would help me to get a clearer picture.
Yes actually I know exactly how that feels. I could have written your post except I did not in my immediate family grow up in a healthy environment so when I think of the origin that will always be most likely for me. As an adult depression/anxiety has cycled around about 5-6 times, the latest one being now. It carries debilitating power with it and over and over I have questioned my ability to ever get past it or just what needs to be done. On the whole over the years I've made a lot of progress and in the last 5 years even had some periods of time where I was calm and relatively happy. This state of being is my greatest fear and I am seriously questioning do I have a choice in how this goes? Is it that I'm just not destined to be here content and happy? Even though my intellect knows that a lot of what the depression puts in my head is bulls*it, and that I'm very fortunate, and have a lot to offer obviously my heart just does not quite believe it. I'm worried because it is really starting to affect my 10 year old son who is just such a shiny bright light! I fear sometimes that by fearing I'm going to screw him up that is exactly what is happening. How stupid I know. Like you the guilt for even feeling bad is heaped on top adding insult to injury. I feel a lot of potential wasted in me and enjoyment of life as well. I am overanalytical and I know my habit of seeing things worse than they really are. I have been told that perhaps the only thing wrong with me is that I think there is something wrong with me, learned as a child. Deep down I know I do not want to live like this, I want to get past this huge block so I can finally move on with life. My fear of living kills the possibility of living itself!! Obviously there is a part of me ego I guess that really really wants me to down in flames. Not sure for you but this whole thing I've come to believe has a strong spiritual component. I was gradually led more and more to a spiritual (not religious) explanation. I have always been curious and questioning for as long as I can remember as to the whys of everything. Part of me thinks that the "real" me is really yelling to get let out. Another part is deathly afraid of this. Why? well good f'ing question I have a couple of ideas, One the ego puts huge resistance against this because I have begun to "de-identify" with it the only identity I have ever consciously known. This is major fear and anxiety for me, and so prevents moving forward. Also despite all evidence to the contrary I obviously feel unable to run or create my own life, even though it's what I want to do. Ironic because I'm feeling crappy already. I know I am unmercifully hard on myself and it's twisted to think that I would prefer predictable misery over facing the unknown and putting some trust in myself, life!!! I know to ever get out or past this again I need to let go of a lot of old beliefs and the way I think things "should" or should have been to make room/space for something new. My values and motives have changed and continue to. I have always resisted change favoring familiar but to the extent I feel I am missing my life. Not living, not creating the new. I know this is long but I wanted to let you know I understand and I know how it is to feel alone with it. Probably there are many but we don't talk about it which is part of the problem, keeps it alive. I did not realize the extent to which I judged myself and my feelings and need to feel in control, however illusory. I'm gonna go for now really really hope you're feeling better.
i'm not sure how often you are reviewed by the g.p. My reviews are set far too far apart, so i just end up going back at random times when i hit a crisis. Maybe ask the receptionist which g.p, at your practice has more knowledge in depression, to get the best result from the next visit.
I don't think depression is about having major life events happen. There is certainly something in our biology that makes us more prone, Ironically i think my own childhood was too good, by that i mean i never had to meet any major challenges when i was young, so that teenage years and beyond were quite a shock, because i had never had to learn ways of coping with stress, and my parents had never made a conscious effort to really teach me about life.
----- as surf-tan says, those bad thoughts about yourself are the depression talking, it has a way of spiralling the process down and down. It can be a heck of a challenge to question those thoughts, not sure if you use any techniques already, but yes when really down, it is difficult to even remember them let alone put them into practice.
Hey Mid-Night1991 I'm taking a stab in the dark here, but do you know what you'd love to do for a living?..Do you have a main hobby or passion in your life at the moment, or something you really love doing that you do often?..The only reason i mention that, is because for 20 years i traveled the world through work..I had a well paid job & many great times along the way, & had many great friends & a few girlfriends..None of that was ever enough, & i was depressed on & off for most of my life..What i realized fairly recently around a year ago was that i was actually searching for contentment, & none of the things i did we're ever going to lead me to contentment..Now i look for things i love doing, & helping people is just one of those things..I'm a lot poorer financially as i quit my well paid job traveling around the world, but it gives me the time to do the things i love doing..Alan Watts who was considered one of the 20th centuries greatest philosophers, when asked by his graduating students what they should do next, he replied: "Do what you would do if money we're no object", "forget about the money, & find what it is that you love doing", "then go, & do that"..So i just thought I'd mention it & see if that sadness you feel is linked, to you not doing what you really want to be doing deep down inside.
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am I depressed? Help
Am I depressed?
Am I depressed?
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