Grief and daily anxiety sometimes panic attacks

[jjb1983]

Hello,

I've recently lost my sister on the 28th December only 28 years old she was.

She had leukemia and was diagnosed end of Sept 2018. I rushed her to hospital about 45 mins away from home, I also struggle to drive this distance normally but knew she needed to get to hospital. I was panicking the while time by the time we got to the hospital my panic attack was in full swing.

I got her to where she needed to be as fast as I could and I had to leave my panic attack lasted 5 hours or so, I broke down half way home so my partner came to pick me up. I got home and it wasn't nudging I ended up calling an ambulance they came an hour later done an ecg and oxygen levels and everything looked fine so I came back in the house, I eventually got to sleep but broken sleep all night for about 5 hours I woke up with panic so I took myself to hospital.

They done the tests ECG x ray bloods, came back fine.

Since this I have ended back up in a n e about 3/4 times with panic attacks.

Anxiety affects me daily. Panic attacks would say 1/2 maybe 3 tops a month.

Mainly before my period. I'm starting to keep a diary to see if my hormones are playing a part in this.

I have agoraphobia a little too which is new to me my home is sort of my safe zonebut this is where the panic attacks happen.

My mood has also lowered because the anxiety has stopped me from doing things i enjoyed.

I was given citalopram just before my sister died and valium to help with side effects as I've had this drug before 9 year ago I caused heightened anxiety really bad but kicked in 13 weeks later and I was fine with them for 2 year then decided I no longer needed them and weaned off.

As my sister passed the doc said it wasn't a great time to start them as I was feeling super anxious going to the hospital to be with her. Which I managed but checked my heart rate the whole time I was there. I was proud I stayed at the hospital all day this was tough for me. I wasn't there when she passed I came home. After she passed the days were like I was floating around numb I could not stop thinking of her and it just didn't feel real. The doc did recommend tak8ng the valium as needed but this doesn't help I've a tablet phobia.

Anyway since she went into hospital in Sept my anxiety and panic attacks have worsened, I'm normally in control of them and have coping strategies. But I'm trying to find myself again.

Any ideas what I can do to try lift this? I've started walking 30 mins outside but close to home. But with everything that's gone on with my sister and feeling so exhausted I've been doing 20 mins due to been tired.

Thank you

Jjb1983

[Hidden]

I read a good analogy about panic attacks last night, likening them to a paper tiger. The tiger may look/feel scary and life-threatening but it’s not, and it cannot physically harm you. It’s the same as a panic attack, although it feels like it could potentially kill you, it cannot physically harm you. A doctor even reiterates this in the same book. Just know that it is your body’s response to heightened stress. Almost accept it and if you have to, shout ‘bring it on!’ at it, it puts you in control.

[jjb1983 in reply to Hidden]

Thank you Karen,

That makes lots of sense. In the moment of a panic attack its difficult but will certainly try it.

That is a really good way to look at it thank you.

It's been so up in the air since September not knowing what was happening. And stress has played a part of why I feel like this.

Jjb1983

[Hidden]

You have been through a difficult, sad time. I understand you suffer from mental health concerns, here I feel the loss of your Sister comes to the fore, you need to talk to your family and those who knew Her. Talking about your feelings and memories will help you put to rest the problems you know you have.

If you are having problems opening out, talk to your GP and ask if you can have some CBT to attend to the loss of your Sister.

BOB

[jjb1983 in reply to Hidden]

Thank you bob,

It's been so hard since September, it's caused a load of emotions which are hard to handle sometimes.

My mam is so negative about everything and this drives me crazy as I'm trying to stay positive I'm trying to remember her and how we were when we were kids and things we got up to. But my mam is so focused on if doctors done everything they could, talks crap about nurses and my sister's partner. So I try and limit how much I get involved with things like that.

I've spoken to mental health matters today a drop in clinic. And they are shocked I've been on a waiting list for 30 ish weeks. Supposed to have an app with a cpn nurse Fri but had to cancel due to the funeral going ahead this day. So I'm hoping I get another soon.

Thank you

Jjb1983

[Hidden in reply to jjb1983]

I hope you get an appointment soon with a CPN. You also need to understand how your Mother must feel at the loss of a child who was entering a new exciting time in Her life and was stolen away so quickly. Your Mother is going through different periods of Her grief. There are various different stages She will pass through like above and in a way she will need to come to terms with Her feelings of loss, She should also discuss her feelings with He GP.so she could move on. Grief is personal to the family involved if you could open out to Her and Father you may be able to help each other

I know from experience having lost people around me how nasty the grieving process can be if not addressed properly and well.

It is sad to say we all go through various times in our lives where loss needs to be addressed, I hope you all will be able to move on

Keep a Hold

BOB

[jjb1983 in reply to Hidden]

Hi

Yeah I do understand that she's going through a lot, she will be feeling a lot of emotions.

This is not just now she's like this even when she's not.

She has an app to see the doc.

It's so hard and I almost thunk should I be feeling like this. I felt so guilty while she was in hospital and just seeing her go through what she did.

Thank you

Jjb1983

[Hidden in reply to jjb1983]

There is no-one who acts over a loss in the same way.

However the tools to move on may be somewhat the same

No-one gets over a loss however it is the memories of that person that help the most.

Everyone and their feelings are set bitter sweet, that is how the person will be remembered. A holistic memorie can be a great comfort, and that will move your family on. Be brave and move your Sisters memory on. She would expect that of you all

BOB

[jjb1983 in reply to Hidden]

Thank you bob.

Jjb1983