*Trigger warning* Horrible

[Anonymous9898]

I’ve had depression since I was 16 but it wasn’t as bad as now I’m 22 I feel like I’m in hell right now I been crying my eyes off because I feel like I’m not worthy enough everyone tells me I have low self esteem I mean everyone I meet because I’ve had past trauma. Anywho, I’m going through it everyday there’s a new story it’s either family problems, my son being in his terrible twos that’s not helping and me losing my job and trying to get back to school and having 12% and 30% due to distractions I don’t know what to do I just want to really end my life because my brain can’t take it anymore I’m having a lot of hypertension everything is just going downhill for me I just think it’s time ...

[Anonymous9898]

I’m like so ashamed of myself all I ever wanted was to graduate and walk the stage and tell my son I did it but I have so much on my mind that I feel like I’m not enough voices are saying I’m dirty and I won’t be shit in life I barely can’t sleep .. I feel like people are doing things to me in the middle of the I hear a tingling noise that wakes me up I don’t fucking know it’s probably because I’m going nuts ... My depression is so bad that my grandma had to put me in psych and they put in a case because my son was in the same household as me it hurts because my family is so ignorant and they don’t know how to listen to people’s problems and make me feel even more suicidal

[Lucylooloo in reply to Anonymous9898]

Hi I am so sorry your feeling so bad 😢😢 I am a lot older then you but I remember in my late teens early twenties I was very depressed, I just wanted to die... all I can say is I am glad I did not. I also had a son remember he was only two, to cut a very long story short I went on to struggle in my personal life not many people knew. I was also very shy 😞😞 Anyway due to leaving school very young (15). I ended up going back to collage 😉😉 YES a struggle but I ended up loving it. Went on to work in a good (but tough) job. I did a really good job on my two children (adults now) every now and again depression comes back (it depends on what’s happening) but the difference now in how I Feel, and how I handle it is 😉 amazing. I have found a deep meaning and how I look after myself they are all very simple things in life. Unfortunately family are the worst they judge to easy, and really don’t understand. All I can wish for you is to see where your going in your life your stronger then you give yourself credit !!!! Already you have started college that says a lot 💕 here’s wishing you all in your life every day is a new day and new start. Take it a day at a time 🙏🙏🙏💕

[sweetiepye in reply to Lucylooloo]

I also had the same experience. Going back to college gave me a lot of self esteem, it was hard but it was so worth it. I also went through therapy and my therapist was a very caring woman who understood me and wanted to see me succeed I had someone on my side, my family didn't get it. Pam

[Lucylooloo in reply to sweetiepye]

Hi Pam it is so hard when family is or don’t understand 😔😢 I am talking about my siblings as from a big family. But it is so good that you find good therapist. At moment I am tapering on steroids and walking around full of emotions 😢😞 taking day at time. Life can be so good 😊 but by God it can be hard at times . So here’s to upwards and onwards 💕💕

Mo

[sweetiepye in reply to Lucylooloo]

You bet, you have to move forward even if it's only an inch a day, and if you do slide back , which can happen, you just start again.. Before you know it you are free again. Pam

[Lucylooloo in reply to sweetiepye]

💕🙏😘💕

[MAS_Nurse]

Hi there,

Welcome to our Community. Folks here are very supportive and are only too willing to share from their experiences. As Lucylooloo has said, it is possible to find the strength to fight this for your sake and your son's. Do ask your doctor for help, as there is a range of therapies that can help you address your unhelpful thinking and behaviour patterns, as well as a medication review.

Do check out our Pinned Posts section at our free mental health guides. Also keep handy our International Crisis Support Helplines: healthunlocked.com/mental-h...

Your life is worth living and valuable. Your son needs you, as do many others. There is light at the end of this tunnel. You have taken great steps to reach out for support here, but also, the fact that you have returned to College and want to pursue your studies to improve your situation shows that you are strong. Being a mature student (and I have been one) and bringing up a family alone does take guts, determination, and self-discipline, but the end result really is worth it. Does the college have student counsellors available or personal tutors that you can talk to? Also, some UK colleges (I don't know where you live) have hardship grants available to students in need.

As you have mentioned that you feeling suicidal I will edit your post title to add a *Trigger warning*, which is what we ask folks to do when they feel like this. This is in order to allow vulnerable members to avoid your post if it may trigger a negative reaction for them.

Keep in touch and let us know how you are getting along.

Take care and stay safe!

Best wishes,

MAS Nurses

[Ehsanbey]

No it is not the time for doing such a thing, stay strong and you can pass this period of your life, I pray for ya 🙏