I am currently in a process of filtering out people in my life who I don’t have reciprocated relationships with. Sadly this is leaving me with very few people. I no longer speak to my mother. My Dad and I have very little contact. My brother is estranged. My good friends growing up seem to speak to me less often now that I do not reach out to them. And my partner and I split because of my mental health but also because I felt she did not immediately help me when I was first diagnosed with it and I often had to plead with her to help when I was at my worst expecting she would not need to be asked. So I know I am being critical and perhaps overreacting to my expectations of friendship and live but part of me also thinks all of my relationships are based on a very insecure me who did not have a lot of self worth. I am seeing the loneliness grow in my life but want to make new friends and get support for my mental health. I don’t know how and I am not sure it will be anything different than what I already have. Has anyone experienced this sort of thing?
Has anyone changed their whole suppor... - Mental Health Sup...
Thank you. I probably sounded like that because in some way my outlook is distorted. I don’t expect a one sided relationship where I give nothing but I also don’t want to be the one to initiate all the correspondences between I and my family and friends. My girlfriend worked in a emergency psychiatric facility with mental health patients. When I was diagnosed with severe OCD I was showing multiple symptoms poor mental health. I worked hard to get care for it but was turned down by many places because my disorder did not fit well with the teaching clinics for OCD. About a year into struggling with trying to get treatment my mom asked me what the people where my girlfriend worked had to say about it. I never even thought to ask her. So I finally did at dinner, “What have the professionals at your job sad to you about getting help for my condition, have you talked to them about it?”, she just replied, “no” and kept quiet till I asked why not. I thought about it from my perspective. I worked in College administration. If she was having a problem with admission into a university and struggling to eat and keep up with hygiene because of it would I never ask my coworkers about how to make it happen? No, I would be on the phone once I saw the first sign of a serious problem. Not a year later and only after she pleaded with me to do so. My friends mostly yelled at me for my symptoms as if I was intentionally trying to hurt them by repeating my questions or exhibiting fears. I was definitely being needy and annoying. I was also not realizing that people have there own problems to concentrate on. In the end we are here on our own journey and relationships are complicated.
Thank you. That means a lot to me. It was a real shocker. I had a hard time gauging if I was right about being upset with her. I think she was shy, in denial, and did not want to leave her comfort zone by asking for help. OCD is also not common in that setting but I believe she should have put all that aside to help me get treatment. Now I feel more confident about my decision to be upset with her.
I can relate to what you are saying. My feelings of self worth have increased lately and I am seeing some people I have known in the past in their "true colours" now and they ain't that good ( the colours) .
Some friends I have kept and some I have let go. The new you will find the right people for where you are in life. xxx
Thanks so much , right now I was thinking of how I used to fantasize of being rich and having a beautiful wife. Now I fantasize that someone I remotely know calls me and asks if I want to go have coffee. I cherish good conversations with strangers as much more now that I am lonely. I look forward to making new friends.
I can relate to this so much!
I did this roughly year ago more so because I needed to focus on myself and getting better and stronger and I couldn’t do that with extra people x something that helped me was not to blame others x Dealing with someone who has mental illnesses is very hard and frustrating for people... we suddenly become very different and not what they originally ‘signed up for’
Also depression didn’t let me think positively of people ! I always thought the worst of everybody.
So I decided I need a fresh new start with only very close understanding and empathetic people x that left me with close family and one close friend... and my Husband . This gave me the space and positivity around me (this i when I found this site too) to really put my energy into managing my moods and depression x
People on here have helped me a lot!
Im in a much better position now and have been able to reconnect with SOME of the friends I had to let go of . Now we are friends who meet up a couple times a year and have phone catch ups here and there... this is much better for me and much less pressure on both sides x
I hope my story helps x
You’re not alone and thanks for sharing xx
Thanks Hope, I appreciate you sharing this with me. It’s been a bitter pill trying to understand how I make other people feel. I think what is making it harder is that I came from a disfunctional family and never felt love from my parents (at least not a love tainted with fear). I also came from a violent household, my mother was physically and mentally abusive and my brother got involved in gang violence and was physically abusive to me too. My father just watched it all happen with a quiet eye. I am really lucky to have had helpful friends. My cousin has stepped up to help me too. I still dream to this day of having a loving home but it’s unrealistic and maybe like another member alluded too it’s a bit selfish to expect other people live up to my ideals. I just pray there is a moment in the process of getting support there is a moment where I feel at home with the people in my life. I will try to be more understanding of others as I make friends.
Oh I definitely don’t blame you for expecting people to be kind and empathetic towards you during your struggles! That’s not you being selfish at all it’s just normal . But it’s hard to learn that people won’t always be there and not everyone can x so filter that all out and you’ll end up with people who actually love and care for you . Even if it’s one person ... quality over quantity x
I’m so sorry to hear about what you’ve been through 😞 I really do hope you’re able to find real friends and connections in life xx you deserve good people in your life who are supportive x
You know I like to think life gets better for us all and that we only go through hard times to learn things and to know how strong we are an to also know how much we can handle in life. It's pretty hard to lose people we once cared for in life especially losing them while their still alive just knowing their still there and that they don't have a care in the world towards you sucks. It hurts to know that someone you may have once loved could hurt you so much cause I guess we feel that people we love wouldn't hurt us but they tend to do it anyway. I guess it's because not many people can live up to our expectations and despite we might feel to give up or to just disappear from this world we can't we just have to take it one day at a time and have the faith that things would get better I don't know how but there is a God and his name is Jesus Christ not meaning to be preachy or anything but put him first and he'd work wonders in your life. Despite my situation or even yours we all face trails in life but eventually we'd learn that everyone may leave us but God never would he's always gonna be there waiting for us to find our way back to him but it's always him finding us anyway. I'm so sorry if I wasn't helpful but be blessed and I really do hope you get through your problems but try Jesus Christ for a change. Be blessed
I'm going through the same thing. I drifted away from my group of friends. I only talk to a few people. I've disowned my mom's side of the family. I can't deal with the heartache and drama these people incite. I need a good and loving support group around me. I need supportive people. I need people who I can trust and who push me positively, not negatively. It's hard but it's the right thing to do.