What a FOOL I am....

[En1234]

I dont know, I go through life trying to please and always seem to get a kick in the teeth for it. I can remember this time last year I was unemployed and little did I know then that life was going to be very rocky for me for at least 7 months but like the trooper I am, I came out of my dark tunnel and managed to get back on track. I now have a great job, earning really good money and finally my mental health also is "healthy", so why do I always revert to type and allow people to walk all over me and my feelings. ?? When I started my new job I met a really nice girl who decided she was going to be my friend. At first I thought it was a bit much but was glad I knew someone as my office is massive and although I know everyone now, I didnt know anyone at the begining and having a friend was good. We would go for lunch, have coffee and a laugh at my desk with the rest of our group and everything was great. I started to have my doubts when she would make arrangements with me for weekends and then let me down at the last minute. Telling me she had to cancel because she had a headache or she couldnt afford it after all?? But then I would find out that she had gone out with other people and I wasnt invited..??

I started getting fed up with her because she then started avoiding me, hardly looking at me never mind speaking to me at work but would send lots of text messages at night..??.. We got a new girl in the office a couple of months ago, who sits across from me an we get along great. We have gone for walks at lunchtime and have had the odd wee lunch as well. This other girl lives along the road from the new girl. The new girl now gives her a lift to and from work. She now comes down at lunch time and sits beside the new girl, not me, and they are now doing things like going for lunch and at Christmas they went for cocktails and I was not invited.?? They have arranged an afternoon out this Saturday for cocktails etc and again I have not been invited but the new girl said "its a shame you live so far away or you could have come as well", so I now feel as though even she is giving me the cold shoulder to go with this other one!!

I know what you are all probably thinking but it does hurt. I am trying to just concentrate on my job now. I have my own friends outside of work but I always thought it would have been good to have different friends at work. I confided in this girl and she did me too, so I just feel as though I have been "had". Sorry I know compared to a lot of people on here, this just seems petty and it seems petty to me to but I know how I feel and that is what matters!!. I know I am lucky but I just keep thinking I must have the word MUG on my forehead somewhere where I cant see it. I fell better for getting this off my chest so please dont feel you have to reply!!

Many thanks!!

Lots of Love

Theresa.. XXXXXX...

[Stilltrying_]

OOoh Mrs, I don't know what to say!! You are such a nice soul and yes sometimes people do take advantage. I don't think there's any point in pushing the "Can I come too" angle which would be one suggestion I could think of but personally I think one gets the hunch when one isn't wanted and it's just sort of embarassing to push them into inviting you too when they've already made up their minds.

Hold you head high sister and mutter to yourself "there's nowt so queer as folks! " I've had quite a few let downs like this myself although I never got to know the people too well , but they dropped out of meetings and so on. Now I just let them. I know who my real friends are. You are one of them as we think alike; we have standards. Be proud of yourself for being the person you are and let them do whatever they are going to do I'm afraid. I know it hurts, but try not to take it personally. It sounds like they don't have great manners.

Gemma xxxx

[En1234 in reply to Stilltrying_]

Your right Gemma.. Im just raging with myself for allowing her to suck me in!!..I didnt have anything to offer except friendship but this other girl can offer her a lift to and from work every day in her car, thereby saving her a fortune every month in rail fares..??? Makes one wonder..??

I would hate to think that anyone would type something about me the way I have about those 2, and I dont particularly like myself for doing it. After everything I went through last year, my job, and being good at it, is what matters. I will be nice and I will smile every time they speak to me and if I get invited somewhere (because at sometime they will want to know what I am up to because thats what nosey people do), I will politely say "No thank you...I've made plans".. :-)..

Gemma, I hope you are OK and thanks for posting. Speak soon Mrs!! XXXX

[Stilltrying_ in reply to En1234]

Yes, speak soon xxx

[Hidden]

Forewarned is forearmed.

I never used to go out with work associates, never really mixed work with pleasure it could lead to complications. I once had a relationship with someone who worked in a none connected department and even that was to close.

The next time was when out dancing, I met a girl who turned out to be the Sister of a person I worked with, I eventually received a Dear John with that one, (not my Name) and by then I started to plough a different field

Keep work at work and look for someone who knows nothing of your Work. Work and pleasure really do not mix.

BOB

[En1234 in reply to Hidden]

Hi Bob!! Lovely to hear from you. Very wise words Bob and thank you. I had a great day today as I went in, got my head down and just got on with it and I really enjoyed it. In the grand scheme of things, 6 months is not really a long time so it is not too late to take your good advice. Maybe it is better that I found out this early one.... being mates with someone just because they can offer you something is really quite shallow... and I dont need people like that in my life!!.

Thanks again Bob and you keep well! XXX

[kenster1]

hi your not a fool just down to earth offering friendship as you do.yeah it must feel like a kick in the teeth just now.your better than that though and as you say you have many good friends in the real world.

[En1234 in reply to kenster1]

I know Kenster but you know the sad thing is that I dont want to become the type of person who wont now become friends with someone else (who may be a lovely person) because of a bad experience with this woman. I tend to trust very easily and I know that is not always a good thing. There is a fine line between someone who is niave and someone who is just a bit thick. Im certainly not the latter usually but this time I was left feeling like a stupid lump..LOL!! She has totally sucked this other girl in but time will tell whether she gets the same treatment. I will always be nice and polite. I will nod and smile as I say hello but into myself I will be glad she is no longer in my life. Fairweather friends are not the kind of friends I need.

Kenster I have not spoken with you on here for ages and I hope that you are OK and life is being good to you!.

XXXX

[Alex79]

This resonates with me greatly. It's so hard to strike a balance between kindness and naivety just stay true to yourself don't let it get you down because your twice the person any of them will ever be x

Alex

[En1234 in reply to Alex79]

Thank you Alex. Never a truer word said!! XX

[hypercat54]

Hi I know how hurtful this can be but to be honest at least you have found out early rather than when you are very good friends.

If this happened to me and someone hurt my feelings I would ignore them completely and if I had to deal with them would be scrupulously polite. They soon got the message and to my surprise seemed keen to talk to me again. But I would ignore this attempt. x

[En1234 in reply to hypercat54]

Hi hyper!! Hope you are good!! My goodness, I have spoken with so many of my old friends on here from last year and it is so good to hear from you all again!

I hope you are OK and that things are working out for you. I have every intention of making it my business to say hello, ever so politely with a smile on my face and I will look her square in the eye when I do it. She knows she has done the dirty on me but at least I will be able to look her in they eye.....I wonder if she will be able to do the same but for conversation or anything else..??? aint gonna happen!!

Lots of love to you!! XXXX

[hypercat54 in reply to En1234]

Thank you my friend and nice to see you. x

[Sharon201]

Hi Theresa,

You have written so well the situation at work, I can understand from your description how hurtful this can be. I also see that you value a good friendship and maybe that true friend at work has not appeared yet. Difficult at work not to show how hurt you feel but stay strong. Some people are so selfish and not even aware that they are people users, sad really as they can not see the true value of true people like yourself. They will always be moving on from person to person. Stay strong and value yourself as your friends do.

[En1234 in reply to Sharon201]

What a lovely reply Sharon. Thanks for taking the time. To be honest since I have posted this and read and replied to my old friends on here, I feel a lot better. I know in my heart that if I had read this post from someone else I know what sort of reply I would have made. I have got a really good friend outside of work but I thought it would be good to have a work "mate" too but maybe Bob from earlier on is right and its best to keep your work and your personal separate. It is nice to have friends at work but lets face it, we are all at work not to make friends but to make money to pay the bills but if you meet people you can become friends with, it is always a bonus. XXX I feel very lucky to have what I do and I worked hard to get this job, so that is what I will be concentrating on...doing a good job! XX

[Hidden]

Good to get things off tour chest. I too have been good to people in past just to later get kicked in teeth. Demoralising feeling, worst is I am a sucker I think because it’s happened a few times. Doesn’t help when your feeling low in the first place. Tell myself I’m not doing that again but still do. Glad you have a job you now enjoy. Keep smiling. Xxx

[En1234 in reply to Hidden]

Thanks for your lovely message. So true, nice people tend to get trampled on if they are too nice but if that is in your DNA and you are simply made that way, then you cant help how you are can you? I know I wont change for anyone but I also know that I dont trust as much as I used to. Sometimes this is a good thing but then again, I dont like being wary of people and after this experience I know I will be in the future..

I will keep smiling..... (as long as you do too). XXX

[clovislorry]

Hello Theresa, it's been ages since I was on here but that's good in a way, I suppose. I'm so sorry you have been let down like this. You are such a kind and giving person and unfortunately there are always people who will use and abuse that side of you. But really, you know they are not worth worrying about. Certainly not worth letting them spoil your otherwise happy working life, which I am so pleased to hear is going so well for you. Karma will come back to bite them on their bums, you can be sure of that, so try to put them out of your mind, continue to enjoy your job and focus your emotional energies on those friends who have proved themselves to be genuine and lasting. As for the other two, well they deserve each other!

love from your friend Lorraine xxxx

[En1234 in reply to clovislorry]

Awe Lorraine, Its great to hear from you!! I am so sorry as well, I did say I would keep in touch and working full-time is no excuse, I should have been in touch with you (in touch with a lot of my friends on here) before now. I hope you are good and are managing to get out and about. I love my job and feel settled now. This thing was the only blip for me but it is early days and I will chalk this one up to experience. To be honest, just thinking about it, Im used to being on my own. Reading, walking, and I live only with my son. I have one good friend whom I see once a month if I am lucky but at least I know she is there!! I dont need negativity in my life and I wont allow anyone to bring me or my spirits down. I went through much in order to get to the place I am at now and nobody is going to spoil that for me. Im am glad I posted my message now because I feel a lot better.

I will keep in touch and let me know how you are getting on as well. Remember, Im still here if you every fancy a chat as well ok!!

Send you a big hug Mrs!! XXX

[En1234]

I found my confidence getting back into the work force and I had a really good day today because I just concentrated on getting my work done. I love reading and because the weather is really rotten at the moment I am more than happy to stay in at lunch time and read my book. Everyone else in the office is lovely but in a nice sort of "Hi" "How are you today" sort of way. Not "Hi, how are you and I'm going to be your best friend in here from now on" as was the case with this person. She will be getting a wide berth from now on and she doesnt work on the same floor as me so its not as if I have to see her every day. I am a lot stronger than I was this time last year and I will just work hard every day, and concentrate on the things and people who really matter to me.

Thank you Indervir for taking the time to reply to my post. Most kind of you and I hope you are OK today!

Theresa XXX

[Annieosb]

I have a little mantra:

Those that matter dont mind

And those that mind dont matter.

Kindness is often perceived as weakness, but it is not!

That keeps me straight!

[En1234]

That's really nice of you to respond. I posted this a few days ago but since posting things have got worse. I was sitting with my group (4 of us), at lunch one day when this person came down and sat with us. She made it really obvious she was laughing and joking talking with everyone except me. It was horrible and awkward but if the rest of them noticed they didn't say but I think they must have. The horrible thing was that I didn't really care whether or not this person spoke to me.......but the rest of my group didn't say anything either. It was as though they sensed they weren't supposed to??? because when she went back upstairs to her own job, they were only to happy to speak to me again..?

On this particular day I was not feeling very strong and by the end of the day I was in bits. One of the girls who sits beside me noticed and asked if I was OK and I confided in her. She said she did notice that the atmosphere was not very pleasant and after listening to me and seeing how upset I was, she was overheard discussing me with this person and now she is making even more of a show when she comes onto our floor. Its as though the idea of me being upset by this is pleasing to her...I could never treat a person like the way she has treated me. I took me the best part of a year to get this job and I do like the work but I know I need to get over this and find a way of dealing with it, because if I don't I will find myself jobless again and I don't want to go through this again. Problem is everyone knows this girl and everyone seems to really like her. She is very popular amongst the staff and I would find it very hard to convince others of how horrible she has been!! I know I am not imagining this and I have already spoken with her in private and asked her if I had done or said something to offend her and she gave me a hug and said no, everything was fine... but she is still behaving like this towards me,.??

I am beginning to wonder if the problem is actually ME and maybe there is just something about me that makes me unlikeable!!