Feeling Sorry for my Home!!... - Mental Health Sup...

Mental Health Support

28,934 members16,215 posts

Feeling Sorry for my Home!!...

En1234 profile image

I dont know what anyone thinks of this post but I would be interested.

I live in a building which was erected in 1900, so it is one hundred and eighteen years old. It is a Listed Building and home to four families. There are only four flats within the building but we dont have a factor for the building so any works need to be paid by the tenants. We, many years ago, used to have a savings pot but once we realised the person who was in charge of the savings pot was actual very dishonest and most of us asked for our money back, the savings stopped. There is a lot of work needing to be done to both outside and inside the flats.

Anyway, a lot of people may not like my flat. It might not be posh enough or modern enough but for over 20 years now it has been my home even with all of its flaws. (I tend to look upon my building as an old lady who is just in need of some TLC).

Last week an old friend of mine who was "just passing" popped up to say Hello and when this person came in, starting commenting on the cracks in the ceiling in the living room and various other things. I thought he was being a bit rude but didnt say anything other than I was about to go out and he said he would leave.

I became very upset later that evening as he telephone me to say it was lovely to meet up but that I need to see someone about moving out of that "cesspit" that I was living in and how could I have lived there for so long in such poor conditions. My home is always clean, neat and tidy. Smells lovely (I have a thing about smells) but the close and the building needs some attention. We dont have the amount of money it would take to make it "well" again!!

I would never dream of commenting on anyone's living conditions or home, even if I did think they needed some attention. I have come through a lot in that wee flat and managed to bring up a baby (who is now 19) by myself when his useless father decided he couldnt "do this"... To me it feels like "home" and I feel safe there!!

I just felt really embarrassed, ashamed and confused all at the same time. I dont know if I am being "snobby" about this by feeling this way..?? But how dare he!!

I pass people on the streets of Glasgow on my way to work every morning who are living in cardboard boxes and all they have is a sleeping bag and a dog to keep them warm. Yes, my flat might be small and in need of some repair but compared to these poor souls at least I have a roof over my head!!

Sorry for prattling on but has anyone else ever felt, or been made to feel, ashamed of where they live or the house they live in???.

I forgot to add also that I dont invite just anyone into my home so this person will not be coming back!!!

Lots of love to you all..

Theresa... XXXX

11 Replies

Hi Teresa,

Your home is where your heart is, and your home sounds lovely and cosy, reflecting your personality. I personally think too, that your friend was very rude to say what he did. I agree with you, to have a roof over your head, your own personal safe space, is luxury compared to the many poor and homeless folks. I love your analogy of your dear home being like an old lady needing some TLC. It is good to be grateful for what we have. As often I remember, if I'm having an attack of the POMs (poor old me), I remind myself of just what I do have and I say out loud 'Thank you', it helps to put things in perspective for me. Don't you mind what folks say, you love your home and enjoy it!

MAS Nurse

En1234 profile image
En1234 in reply to MAS_Nurse

Thank you for that. Over the course of the day this has niggled at me but to be honest I do look forward to coming home to my own space. I think if I did have a big house I would be lost in it. I mean how much space do 2 people need and there is another bonus too...it literally takes minutes to clean. Even after all this time, Im not ready to leave (if I ever will be). I am not the only person living in our building and if it is good enough for them then it is certainly good enough for me. (I will remember the saying "Thank You" next time I feel down about it..

Thanks again.

Theresa.. XXX

Theresa, ditto with MAS_Nurse; it was very rude of him to describe your home in this way. Knowing that you are a warm and friendly and well organised person I am sure your home is the same and I expect it is spotless unlike mine which can get a little untidy (though not very much as I don't really "live" in it that much). As you say you've brought up your son there and it is a real home. The building has it's own history and clearly has character even if repairs aren't quite up to date. Take no notice and be proud of who you are and where you live. xxx

En1234 profile image
En1234 in reply to Stilltrying_

Thanks Gemma!!.. Your message means a lot. I know I have mentioned this to you in the past and I had a conversation with my mum too. She said I need to stop justifying myself to other people about what I have or have not got where it comes to my flat. There is no denying that there are a few issues that need to be addressed but this comes at an expense and right now I would rather spend on other things. It is warm and cosy and its mine.. I forgot to add that when I was speaking to this person I said "If someone only wants to speak to me or have anything to do with me because of the condition of my flat then I would rather not know them" I said that not everyone judges you on what you have or have not got and he said that was a "load of rubbish" as they do...??

Clearly, he does and he had the bare-faced cheek to sit (on my sofa) and drink (my coffee).. Well, he is no longer welcome.

I certainly feel better today than I did last night after having shared this.

Thank you so much... (I hope you are feeling OK and remember you know where I am..??..).

Lots of love to you!!

Theresa XXXXX

Stilltrying_ profile image
Stilltrying_ in reply to En1234

Thanks Theresa. Glad you're feeling a bit better. That's the spirit that I like in you!!! xxx PS I don't like "bothering "you when I know you are working and probably time at home is "rest " time , but will PM you in a few days xxx

En1234 profile image
En1234 in reply to Stilltrying_

Listen, you would never be a bother. You (and lots of others) on here always made the time for me whenever I needed someone, so even though things are better now I wont forget any of my HU friends and would always make myself available. I dont get home until 6pm, so any time after that would be ideal but even if a message is left during the day, I would still respond later that night.

Would be nice to catch up over the weekend if you are free. I dont want you (or anyone else) to think that because I am working again that I will just lose touch. I want to keep in touch, even if its just to say "Hi" but please dont think you would be a bother.

Bother me anytime Mrs!! :-) :-) :-)

Theresa... XXXX

Your "friend" sounds like a right twat.

En1234 profile image
En1234 in reply to

No longer my friend. Deleted all contact....you know what they say "you live and learn". I get that your "friends" are the people you turn to when you need someone and its only your true "friends" who will tell you the truth. But there's telling the truth and there's brutal inconsideration...

Have you looked into possible grants for your building? I live in the states so I'm not sure how that works in the UK.

Maybe I'm looking for the good in everyone, but, I wonder if your friend might have been trying to push you into getting repairs, worried about your health. I speak from experience, no amount of cleaning and surface care can keep you safe if the structure needs repair??? Just a suggestion.

En1234 profile image
En1234 in reply to VIkka

Thank you very much for your suggestion but as I said to my friend also, there is structural damage to the whole building. But its easy to say just get the repairs done, and if I had the money available in order to do this, then I would. Those kind of funds I just dont have, and my friend knows this. Maybe I am a bit sensitive when it comes to my place but Its me who has to stay there, its me who has to try and keep it together and its me who has to pay the bills etc. Having someone point out to me what needs to be done is like someone rubbing my nose in it... do they think I am blind?? Talk about kicking a dog when its down!!

You may also like...