Job anxiety

[Ziggy188]

Hello all, where do I begin... I had a full time job I really liked but was laid off a few months ago. So I thought I would enjoy my time off and job search when I felt ready. Well, I got a job offer and accepted, but absolutely hated it and quit after a week due to workload, unfamiliar setting, long hours. So I gathered myself and applied for another job that was in my field, but prior to accepting it I started having very bad panic attacks (sleeplessness, no appetite, nausea to the point of throwing up, sweating, fear, everything). I went back on my medication I had prior and talked to my therapist. I felt a little better and took the job bc the hours were better and it was a closer commute, but it happened all over again. I quit that job also. I feel like the trigger is new employment, but now I have more depression because I don’t have a job. It’s a cycle, I have a great support system but I feel so lost and don’t know what to do. I want to break out of this but I feel like I’ve lost the ambition for my career field, which is disheartening because I enjoyed it so much and now I don’t at all.... I feel like I can’t get out of this no matter how hard I try.

[sweetiepye]

Perhaps a less demanding job while you address your anxiety and panic attacks. When you are feeling better you can always go back to your career field. Try not to pressure yourself you have plenty of time. Pam

[Ziggy188 in reply to sweetiepye]

Thank you, I have the support of my family and girlfriend which is great. But right now I’m not healthy and I feel like the job I had was the reason, I just feel ashamed.

[En1234]

Ziggy I really feel for you. If you read some of my posts you will see there are a few similarities between us. I left a job in December of 2017 and this was due to people I worked with (I wont go into the full details here but if you go back and read some of my posts you can see why I left) but I was left in a similar position as you.

I got another job before I quit my last job but in the month that I was working out my notice, I started panicking then. I started my new job and after 11 days, I went for lunch one day and really intended to go back but somehow found myself on the train going home. This job would have been fantastic had I stayed. Great benefits, great pay (wages like I have never had before) and I just walked out because I felt I wasnt "good enough". This led to a downward spiral for me. I applied for 3 other jobs and got every single one of them although after 2 or 3 weeks, decided they were not for me!! I am a Legal Secretary and decided I no longer wanted to work in that field so I took jobs in Call Centres. I couldnt cope with the computer systems and the work was totally different to what I have always done, I didnt like the environment and just didnt feel like it was for me (although it took 3 different call centre jobs for me to realise this.. )

Two months ago I decided to go back to doing what I think I am good at and applied for a job to work as Secretary to a Partner in a Coporate Lawyers Firm. Even then I was challenging myself and thought " I need to do this now becuase I dont know how I am going to cope if I fail" And I am still trying hard every day I am there because, for me, failing is just not an option. I still feel panicky from time to time (and I am not on medication).. I think what you (we) are feeling is pretty normal. I think you should get back into the job you have the most experience in and just "get back on the horse"...Someone told me the other day that she admired that fact that I am very new to this big office but I breeze about as though I have been there for ages and that I am (apparently) very confident in my new role. I told her that what you see on the outside is not always what is going on in the inside. So you can fool people into believing there is nothing wrong. Please try and believe in yourself and the panicking WILL stop. I know, I have been there too!!!

Thinking about you!! Lots of Love Theresa.. XXXX

[Ziggy188 in reply to En1234]

Thank you for your reply.

I am at the point now where my meds are not working, and I dread the idea of going to work at all. I don’t even enjoy the idea of doing what I did at work anymore, or any other job for that matter. I have myself convinced that I will hate anything I do now and that will lead to more panic attacks. I asked to go back to my old job that I enjoyed while I was in school, but it’s less pay. If I can’t get hired back there I really don’t know what I’ll do...

[En1234 in reply to Ziggy188]

I went to Holland and Barrett Chemist and spoke to a really nice lady who advised me to take something called Rhodeola. Its non addictive and if you had told me a few months ago I would have said "I dont believe this will work for me" but I tried it and I couldnt beleive the difference in me. I didnt notice that I was not feeling "stressy" and it didnt leave me feeling ecstatic or anything like that. It just enabled me to get on with my day without thinking about the bad stuff if you know what I mean. I was just ABLE to get on with my day. I am no longer needing it but I always keep a blister pack in my bag just incase. To me, its like a safety net. If I feel panicky (which I have not done in a while), then I know they are there.

I have "allowed" myself to make my mistakes in my new job. I have only been there for 2 months but they say you really need to be in a job for at least a year before you can finally say you really know what you are doing and fit. I started talking and opening up to my work mates and told them about my feelings of insecurity and about the stress that sometimes creeps up on me and they all have their own stories to tell. There are girls who have been there for months and say they are still asking questions and still finding their feet, which makes me feel I am not alone then.

I think once you get a new job and once you get passed the awkward stage of being new and fitting in then you will be fine. Since I started my new job, there have been a couple of new people joined the firm so I dont feel like the new person anymore, I actually feel "established" now next to them. I have try to train my own mind into being more positive. Once any negative thoughts come in to to my head, I automatically push them to one side and try and replace these thoughts with something positive. It is not always easy but what is the alternative??

I hope this post doesnt sound preachy. I have been exactly where you are and ended up in hosptial at one point too and never wish that upon anyone. I dont know if any of this has helped you but if you want to chat you know where I am...

Good luck to you.

Theresa.. XXXX

[En1234 in reply to En1234]

PS. Sorry, I did mean to say to you that if there was one other piece of advice I could offer you it would be, dont go back the way. Try and move forward. A complete fresh start might just do you the world of good!!.. XXXX

[Ziggy188 in reply to En1234]

Thank you for your support. Right now I want to get healthy, and I just may work part time in my field and try and go to my old job. I feel like having something familiar will help me right now. I’m not sure what’s in store for me but I’m hopeful things get better

[En1234 in reply to Ziggy188]

You need to do what feels right for you. You will get lots of advice and support on here but you, and only you, know whats right for you.

There will always be someone to speak to on here, so if you have a good day, come on and talk and if you have a rotten day, you can still come on and talk.

I wish you all the best and hope things work out for you.

Theresa.. XXXX