I don't mean to be like this.but i just can't stop it..

I know i've only said negative things and not writing once about when i feel good.i even get away from the community here because i feel like i only complain..but i really am struggling with mtself.and about the appointment with the psychologist.i already had went to her although i had to pay big amount for only 20 minutes for first time but at first i felt ok that she heard me and kinda managed to analyse the things i said even though i wanted to talk more..i thought at first that one visit will be enough for me because i thought if i only lnow what i really have.maybe i can try and change myself and deal with myself more properly.but then i thought after a while that actually nobody will understand me except myself as written in quote . Since nobody will really give their time to understand me or help me or coach me.so after that i thought whenever i feel tired,down,or lazy.i try talking to myself as a stranger since sometimes i tend to help others more than i do for myself.it was good for a while but then i couldn't keep it up and whenever i try to do it i just answer myself roughly like i am fed up from hearing compensations and cheerful words to do something like studying or housework..not to mention that i feel absolutely not ready for this second term of my diploma.i really felt it was too much on me.and how the teachers are making it sound even more difficult.also i have to make a specific system or program interface to do something like booking flights or so.and i have to do self study about java since i studied it's basics in the 1st term.and i really hate self study.well ofcourse we will be into groups but i don't know if they are going to be cooperative with me..since there are times where they are absent.i know i should depend only in myself.but realky this time it's kinda harder.i was just awhile ago trying to review and summarize a lesson prsparing from now for next week's quiz and i tried writing it and linking some words with other words or draw them and i put music in my earphones hoping to get into studying mood but couldn't focus after 10 minutes and i tend to doze away by drawing rendomly or thinking of how hard the subjects are and i just can't stop thinking and getting nervous but at same time not working hard for it..and whenever my dad sees me like that he thinks what's with me and when i tell him he just thinks i am making it big and i know it's in my hand to change but i can't please understand TT_TT..i fully don't have the power and passion to do it..i just hope god will remove my mood swings,low self esteem, laziness and negativity..sorry i said alot as usual

[Krazie]

It's okay, LemoDana, this website is for people who are feeling down, for whatever reason. Talking is great therapy. So it's also okay to say a lot.

So many of us have felt, even still feel the way you do. It is the reason we can understand how you feel. It is the reason we are here to listen.

I hope you have another appointment with the psychologist. It usually takes many visits to get things worked through. But the end result is worth it.

Many hugs to you, dear. Hang in there. Things get better after a while.

[AppsFun]

I’m lazy at times. I hate coursework and put it off. Then I have to sit down and stress for a while getting it done after having a extension. I done it a few times and you’d think I’d learn from my mistakes. Well in the future I don’t want to go through that again so I have learnt from my mistakes. Maybe you will do this, it might take time and maybe right now you can’t consider this happening. You might be looking back in a few years wonder what was all the fuss about. Self esteem grows, just give it time and practice, without doing things that give us confidence it won’t grow as quickly. Worrying about groups and how they will be is adding to all the things you are worrying about and hasn’t happened yet. It’s easier said than done but try not to focus on things that haven’t happened. If it does happen then that is the time to sort it out, get help, het advice and work to sort that problem out.

Find a nice teacher, that relatable teacher you can talk to and be honest. They can help, even the outwardly appearing horrible teacher will help. If they don’t listen to you, go to a teacher that will. Half my problem was not feeling in the mood to study then rushing. Going to a teacher with this problem might feel silly but if you explain your problem they will have resources that will help. You may see other students not needing help and feel you must do it on your own like they are doing. You might not have seen them freaking out at home or getting help your not aware of.

I hope this helps. Best of luck with everything.