*Trigger Warning* My Fault?

[Iluvhorses]

Hi all! So I had an abusive relationship a few years back. My boyfriend at the time would touch my private parts without my permission. We would be cuddling and laying on a couch, a floor, sitting on a chair or something and he would touch my private parts after I specifically told him not to. I was talking about this with my boss at work with whom I am very close and she told me I am at fault for this situation too because I had led him on by laying down and/or cuddling with him. She said I am as much at fault as my ex-boyfriend is. Is this true? I understand that I put myself in bad positions, but does that mean I am partially at fault for the abuse itself?

[hypercat54]

Your boss is talking through her hat! If you told him specifically not to touch you then he shouldn't have. It might have been a good idea to get up though once he disobeyed you but that doesn't mean it was your fault. It was his. x

[Stilltrying_]

I think it was his fault as you told him not to touch you there. Gx I have been told something similar though not the same. There is the "fact" I have been told that heterosexual men find it very hard to cuddle a woman without it going further ( I have been told by friends ) . I was sitting on the same couch as a man and he repeatedly on several occasions when I told him I wasn't interested lent in to kiss me. I was told by my friends that I should not sit on the same couch as a heterosexual man and expect them not to act in that way but I still think it was his fault. I told him I didn't want a relationship. Now I always sit on a seperate chair and never move any closer to him. Some people still think you can't expect a man to just be friends with you in this way but I think it is down to choice. He knows I don't want more. I hardly ever see him and he chooses to see me so my view is if he continually chooses to try and transgress the boundaries then he is at fault. I asked him once why he tried to do it when it was clear I didn't want it. His reply was "just to see what you would do" or something like that, which I still think is wrong. Just for safety though maybe don't get in those "cuddle" situations if you don't want more. I think it's their problem but maybe I've been told it's the way they are made. This is probably why I am lesbian as I find all of this really stupid. Apparently it is the worst insult to a man to reject him physically. I think that is silly. I've been told I should never reject a man because they can't cope with it. Stupid stuff..... Women don't behave in that way (and I am a lesbian) I have many lesbian women friends who would never dream of making a move on me just because we are sitting close. I really think this is people making excuses for men to sort of imply that they have no control and it is cruel of us to "tempt" them in any way. What do others think? Any men prepared to answer?

To sum up though Ilove horses. NOT YOUR FAULT; HIS .

Gx

[slightlyjaded]

Your boss is an idiot. Sorry but that’s bullshit. If you said no that means NO! Regardless of who it is.

I was in a relationship for a few years with a drug/sex addict and it was extremely difficult, it took me a while but I eventually moved out and have been solo for 3+ years by choice.

[Iluvhorses in reply to slightlyjaded]

I am so proud of you even though I don't know you! I know that took a lot of courage.

[slightlyjaded in reply to Iluvhorses]

I had help from a counselor but I was very codependent so it was really hard. It took me hitting rock bottom to “see the light” if you will.

If you are with someone who doesn’t treat you with respect they do not deserve you or your energy ❤️