Need to vent, feeling very low recently, I don't know what to do anymore

[AmyW95]

Recently I've been feeling very very down, I've had depression and anxiety for about 4 years now and have tried various treatments such as CBT, counselling and antidepressants but they don't work. Recently I just can't stop crying, I'm terrified that my partner of 3 and a half years will leave me because he has his own problems to stress over (uni and work). He's my whole life, I couldn't live without him, which is why I really need to sort myself out. I've not felt this depressed in a long time, usually my moods are okay but often fluctuate a lot. I just don't know what to do anymore, I feel utterly hopeless and such a burden

[sdkf]

what exactly happens to u

[gardengnome]

sometimes thinking about how awful something will be really winds you up, and can even end up making ,it happen.

Having a childhood sweetheart to grow old together with would be wonderful. As you say your partner has problems himself, which might mean that that does not happen. Your depression might not even be a cause of a break up..

If you really do see a split happening try visualising HOW WELL you will cope. All the things you will do to recover. Of course you might be together for a long time yet-- but just imagining how you will survive and thrive if the worst happens will make the fear of it happening less horrible.

Yes sorting out your depression and anxiety is still something you need to do for yourself anyway. if there are other ideas that act as triggers maybe it is time to book a review with the nurse/doc, esp as you are starting to label yourself as a 'burden' . Are there other things that trigger your fluctuating mood, any hormonal or work connections?

I' m sure it's just the way love works,,, but I am a little worried that you describe your partner as your whole life, but perhaps I've just forgotten what love is...

[Holly101]

Hi Amy,

You've just done the best thing you could do, talked about it! I know you feel horrible right now, but things will get

better again..

Of course your boyfriend has got his own stuff going on, but he won't leave you because your feeling down!

Three and a half years is a long time to be together, so if he was gonna leave you because he can't handle it

when you're feeling really bad, he would've done it by now..

Try and do something to make yourself feel better, have a nice hot bubble-bath, put your favourite cd on and get

in your pyjama's, get a big bag of sweeties or icecream or something else you really love and watch your favourite

film. Keep your chin up, it will pass, even if it seems it won't right now..

And there's nothing wrong with crying, it's part of the depression, being tearful, and just bursting into tears over nothing all the time.. Don't worry about it and just run with it.

Tomorrow is another day, hopefully you'll feel a bit better!

Good luck Amy,

Lotsa luv and a big hug, Holly Xxx

[gardengnome]

as holly says might be a case of worrying about something that might not happen as you already had the anxiety etc when you two got together. Things like c.b.t. need refreshing in your mind just like revising for exams, so might be time to dig out any notes you made. You might be of an age now when you can make sense of the texts on c.b.t. which did not make sense earlier. and if you find things do turn out ok with your relationship you have nothing to loose, it will at least make any other stress easier to manage.

Be good to yourself and please don't call yourself a burden

[AmyW95]

My boyfriend is very supportive, he often reassures me that he wont leave me and that he loves me but I find it really hard to believe that he doesn't want to leave me. I know that it's my own insecurities causing me to worry, i'm trying not to get so worked up but its hard. Nothing really causes the changes in my mood it just seems to change very suddenly :/ I dont really have anything stressful that causes the mood changes as I'm not working at the moment. I don't have any notes from previous cbt because my therapist kept them. Trying to cheer myself up with some TV

Thankyou both for your comments/advice xx

[astrogirl7]

Hi Amy

Your fella sounds like a great guy! And believe me I do understand exactly what your going through when you say you feel he may leave you. I have had this with mine and we've been together for 23yrs, hes listened, been supportive and been there for me throughout and he just gets me (well most of the time) hes not perfect but who is?

I have had depression all and I mean all, of my life but there have been many times when I have felt great and on top of the world. Like you I dont currently work and have other health issues which are not helping my depression at the moment.

I just wanted to say to you that ..... and I may be wrong so please tell me so if that's the case but when you have depression, irrespective of the reason, you have low self esteem, feel ugly and are so sure that your lows make you unattractive and dour to your partner that you almost convince yourself with ....how on earth could they love you and want to be with you when you are this way!

That's how I have been but I am learning slowly that if you dont love yourself then how can you expect others to.

Learn to love yourself again Amy, revisit in your mind all the things that made you happy, not just with your boyfriend but your family, friends or colleagues....what was it that you did or said to your boyfriend to make him laugh so much, or remember those funny occasions at work, school or on holidays, see if you can confirm some of those memories with photos or mementos. Try to bring some of that Amy back to the future, to give her some much needed comfort and attention and who knows your boyfriend may notice a glimpse of why he loves you still.

Like Holly says chin up Amy and you can talk to us anytime

Take care and enjoy reminiscing hunni xx

[AmyW95 in reply to astrogirl7]

Thankyou for such a positive response It's lovely and encouraging to hear that your partner has been there for you for all those years. I think I just need to realise that my boyfriend does love me and that it's my own insecurities that make me feel like i'm losing him, I really need to start working on building some self confidence thankyou for the kind words xxx