I'm 23 and frustrated

[Blacksheep123]

Hey guys...

I just signed up here. I feel kinda weird for doing so. But lately I've been feeling wired about everything. I think I've hit a rock bottom. Nothing makes me happy except the idea of being in a relationship. I've broken up with my boyfriend and I'm still not over him. No luck in the love department even though I'm a great catch and I have a lot of love to give.

I feel so alone in everything that I do. From going to school and to just doing basic things. I really hate being so anxious all the time. I take medication lexapro for my depression and anxiety and it helped for a bit and now it's like hit the plateu where it like just stays stagnant and doesnt really help. My sister is moving out and she has a boyfriend of 3 or 4 years now. But she's older than me so it's okay.

I'm so happy I decided to be here. I feel so messed up in my head. All alone. I can't find anyone who feels the way I do at school or at home. Everyone seems to be living this motivational perfect life. And here I am not being able to even get out of bed some mornings. I'm so depressed. I feel mentally fucked up. Excuse the language. But I have no filter. Some days I really want to just let everything out. Like go crazy. Call people fat. And just say how I really feel in my head.

I don't have friends. And I'm not sure why. I really try to be a good person. I've always had this problem growing up. Before like In high school I did have friends but now it's like everyone is working and too busy for a social life. It's disgusting. I hate how there's no time for fun. I hate adulting.

I was riding my bike today and that was nice. I had a really fun time. I almost fell off when I tried doing no hands. Kinda wish I did. So I can feel some pain. And not have all this crap bullshit in my head. My mind has been so numb lately. I can't think clearly. I really can't. I can't learn at school. I can't function normally. I feel like a ghost

I am signed up for this cosmetology program but my social anxiety plus my mood swings and my depression have not helped me get up and out of bed. My parents hate me because j can't decide on anything in my life. I used to have good grades. I had a 4.0 in high school. I liked school. It was Interesting. Now it's like I hate going. There's something wrong...

I feel like I have so much more left to write. My brain never shuts off. It's like a computer. I have so many memories stored. Every time my mom or anyone makes me feel sad. I remember that feeling. I remember every feeling. I have a good long term memory. But the short term is bad. I feel so sad. Hopefully someone responds. Sorry if this is scattered. I wish I can solve this problem. I just want to be happy. But my brain. Won't let me. My mom says it's because I swear too much. Btw my parents are polish immigrants. My dad has ocd but he says it's not a problem. My parents never get along. And my dad just got out of the hospital. He had surgery done. I've been one big emotional wreck and everythi g gets to me.

[DisneyJL]

Hi Blacksheep,

You’re very brave for offloading your feelings like this - it’s good for the mind & soul to let it out. ☺️ I have been in a deep depression a few times before, & can relate to how you’re feeling, as I felt the same when I was at rock bottom. It’s the most awful feeling, because absolutely nothing that you do helps you to feel any better.

If you don’t mind me asking, when did you & your boyfriend break up? And when did you last see your GP for a review of the medication?

4 years ago I was on one kind of medication, but had been taking it for many years, & slowly over time it stopped having the effect that it once did. Without realising I was gradually getting more & more depressed, until I eventually realised & went back to the GP. They changed my medication, & it made a huge difference! Since starting it, they have had to titrate the dose a couple of times, depending on how I am coping. It might be worth you going back to your GP & discussing increasing your dose (if it can be), or maybe changing medication altogether.

I would also recommend that you discuss counselling/therapy, as I can see from reading your post that you have a lot of thoughts & feelings to share & discuss, which you may find beneficial to do so with a professional.

& of course, in the meantime, you have this site to support you. ☺️

[dougal2 in reply to DisneyJL]

Hi disneyjl.

I would deffo go back to your g.p, life is so precious your under dark cloud, in time with correct help you can overcome this.