ONLY ME....CHECKIN IN!!... :-)

[En1234]

Just wanted to come on and say a big "HI" to all my Health Unlocked friends. Been a few days now since I have put anything on here.

I start my new job tomorrow and I am really looking forward to it. My confidence has been so low and so has my mood and for some reason I have been jangling with nerves. I have not been able to speak to anyone without bursting into tears for a long time. I went into a local Chemist on Thursday and spoke with a really nice woman (I got into about 3 or 4 words and the tears came). She first of all asked me what my age was and I told her. I said to her I feel like I dont know what is wrong with me. Its like some alien force has taken over my mind and body and I dont know who I am any more. I cannot control my emotions and that I was starting a new job in the next few days and I can feel it getting nearer and nearer and the closer it is coming the "fear" is starting to crawl back under my skin. I told her about my previous experiences in the jobs I have had recently which have not worked out. She was very understanding and said she did not think there was anything wrong with me other than I am "at that stage in my life" and that all I needed was something to calm me down until I got into the swing of things in my new job. I told her that in the last 7 months or so I have been all over the place and to an extent have isolated myself. I really have spent quite a lot of time on my own, which is never a good thing anyway, with only my walking on my own, my books and my TV for company (as well as my good friends on here to have a chat with).

Anyway, she gave me something called "Rhodiola" Stress Relief Tablets. OMG!! They are herbal, non-drowsy, non-addictive and already I can feel the difference. I only need 2 every day and they have actually stopped the shaky feeling in my stomach. I dont feel ecstatically happy or anything but I can go about my business and am actually getting on with things and not thinking about it - just getting on with it.!! I do have nerves about tomorrow but not the same as before.

I met a girl I know in town yesterday and like a lot of you on here she now knows I am starting yet another job tomorrow, but her reaction was not what I expected. She started shouting at me that I "really needed to stick with this one or accept that the only jobs I will be good at will be jobs where I dont need to think ie. supermarket checkouts!! (not saying a lot for the people who do these jobs!!) and that "why on earth do I want to start travelling back and forth for half an hour every day - at YOUR age (51.??). Apparently I am going BACK the way and if I leave THIS job I will be making "even MORE of a laughing stock of myself"!!!?? How charming. I thought I LIKED this character!!. I will tell her nothing again and next time I see her I will politely smile and keep on walking. Not that it is any of her concern WHAT I do (I could have taken this from my mother but not from her!!) but I thought if this had been this time last week I would have been full of shame and went home and cried into my pillow thinking I was the lowest of the low and everything else I have been feeling in the last 2 or 3 weeks. But you know, I couldnt care less. (Dont know if its these tablets that is giving me this feeling). Its MY life. If I like or loathe this job that will be my choice. If I stay or leave (hoping I will be staying) then that is my choice too. What gives people the right to be so judgemental. I can understand people's concern about me not being able to settle in one place but to be so nasty???

Anyway, typing this message has given me some typing practice as I will be doing a lot of this by all accounts!!

I hope all of my friends on here are good today and lots of love to you all!!

Theresa XXXXXXXX

[clovislorry]

Crikey Theresa, some people!!!! How dare that woman speak to you like that? Try not to dwell on anything she said and you will be doing the right thing to avoid any conversation with her in the future. Cheeky mare.

As usual I've been thinking about you this weekend and I wish you every happiness and success when you start your new job tomorrow. Tomorrow gives you the opportunity to start afresh and be the person you really are again, and who has been stifled for most of this year. This job is in an area where you have loads of experience, knowledge and skills, unlike the previous ones which were just "fillers", killing time until this perfect opportunity came along, and I just know you will feel right back at home where you belong instead of being a round peg in a square hole.

The pharmacist you spoke to sounds lovely and it obviously did you some good to have that conversation. Well done for seeking some help and finding it.

You are a lovely, intelligent and strong woman, and you deserve some happiness again. Enjoy the moment and hold your head up high tomorrow morning!

Lorraine xxxxx

[En1234 in reply to clovislorry]

Lorraine, thank you so much. I wish it was this time tomorrow night and at least that would be my first day over and done with LOL!!. I will send you a wee message tomorrow night if thats OK and let you know how it goes.

Once again, thank you for your messages, support and friendship!! Hope you are well today.

Speak soon...

Theresa...XXXX

[MAS_Nurse]

Hello En1234, Good for you landing a job in this day and age is an achievement, well done.

Also I think you were so right to seek help from the Pharmacist and so pleased they are working for you. Also I think you would be doing the absolutely correct thing in smiling and walking straight on by this person, she has the problem not you. If she try's to engage you in conversation smile politely and say you must rush as you are late. People with negativity you don't need.

Good luck tomorrow, I am sure you will be fine. A few nerves is good because it gets the adrenalin pumping around your body and keeps you on your toes, don't forget to smile, that goes a long way too. Let us know how you get on won't you?

MAS Nurse.

[En1234 in reply to MAS_Nurse]

Thank you again for your support (as always)...

I will certainly keep you posted and yes you are right, I dont need someone else's negativity or "bad vibes". I am going to try and take things in my stride and not over-think things this time. Here's hoping this really is my new start.

Thanks again.

Theresa XXXX

[Stilltrying_ in reply to En1234]

Theresa, all the best for tomorrow. Love and hugs, Gemma xxxx