I'm 19 and attending college, I also have a part-time job at a local supermarket. Just over a year ago at work, a new girl started, she's 21 and is also working part-time while attending the local university. After about 2 months, I started to feel attracted to her, so i asked her out but she said that i was "a nice guy", but that she just didn't like me that way about me.
So moving on, about 3 months later me asking her out is in the past and we are just being friends. However as time goes on we start to have these moments together where we both start being really personal with one and other. After a while this started to make me think that maybe there was a chance at being more than friends. However, on the day that i was planning to pop the question, i overhear her talking to another female colleague. They are talking about how a few nights ago one of her housemates had a conversation with her about being his girlfriend and she says that she said yes. At this moment my heart drops. As she finishes the conversation, she walks past me and asks me if i am okay? This is what makes me think she knew i overheard the conversation. When i answered her my usual deep voice was replaced by what must have been something between a whisper and my normal voice. Obviously it is because i'm upset at the time, so i think nothing of it because i feel i will get past it.
Its been around 10 months now since then and the whole situation feels like its taken a toll on my life. The girl and her housemate where only together a month or so i think, so she is now single. I've never been in a relationship before and i'm not confident in starting one, it took a lot for me to ask her out in the first place. Now i don't have the confidence to do it again.
We still talk at work, but mattering on how the day goes with her, effects the way i feel for the entire week. Once i heard her talking with someone about a guy she was meeting in London the following week, and about how she had been having all of these cute conversations with him. When i heard this i had to hide myself in toilets while i cried. Throughout the week i also had thoughts about it which ruined my motivation to do anything but sit (sometimes cry) and wait for the next week to come around where i could have a nice conversation with her and hopefully at some time during the day i would overhear how her date in London went when she speaks to someone else. I say when she speaks with someone else because we now feel awkward about talking about that subject with one and other.
Right now i'm in a position where she basically dictates my feelings for the rest of the week depending on if i can have a nice conversation with her or not. If we do have one, i don't have as much trouble getting through the rest of the week apart form the every other day i randomly need to cry at my desk. However if i had a bad day at work with her and she blanks me for example when i try to talk to her, i don't have motivation to do just about anything throughout the rest of the week, the crying becomes more frequent, and often my college work will suffer.
I feel like i'm trapped! I don't know what to! I cant talk to my family anymore as a result and i haven't told anyone else i know. I don't know how long i can deal with this, and i don't know how to solve it. What can i do?