So I went too far the other day and just thought enough is enough...Wakening up in hospital was so not what I wanted to do. The hospital asked me to leave at 5.30am and I was not asked to speak to someone. I actually hoped they would let me speak to someone about how I am feeling. I was given a piece of paper as I literally staggered out to a taxi the hospital had called for me. The piece of paper had the word "Samaritans" written on it and the telephone number beside it. That was the HELP I received from the hospital!! I went to my GP yesterday (who is a new doctor) and I felt as though she couldnt have care less. She told me I "would be fine" and that she did not see the need for even a mild anti-depressant. (I dont even want to go down that road but even I can see I am not really well at the moment). I wanted sleep so badly that the only way I could get this was to drink as much alcohol as I could and then pass out. My poor boy had to get me to the hospital and I am so sorry he had to do this. The afternoon before it I had spoken to the person who interviewed me for a job on Monday, who said my interview went really well but I failed an Online Test!!!...I told my GP ALL of this and still she did not think there was anything wrong with me. She gave me a box of sleeping pills and told me they were highly addictive and should only take no more than 2 per day. I cannot imagine why she would give me such medication when she has just sat and heard me saying I dont want to be here any more. She didnt want to give me a mild anti-depressant but she WILL give me highly addictive sleeping pills!!
I feel like such a failure and this is coming to the end of the 7th months of hell I have been feeling, I just wanted it to all go away!! And it doesnt help that my mother tells me that I brought all of this on myself and that I was nothing but a "Drama Queen" who needs to sort her life out...What does she think I have been TRYING to do!!?? I am so tired right now and going to bed to sleep some more. I have got to the point that I just dont care anymore. My only friends have been my son, buddies on here and my 2 friends are still abroad and they know nothing of this!! But for the rest of them...."so called" friends and family that you are always supposed be there for. I hope I will bounce back and I hope I do have the power to forgive those who turned their backs on me, (especially my family!!) and maybe someday soon my life will get better!!
Love to you all and now I am off to bed!!