Hopeless

[Irritabl3]

So, this is my first time ever doing anything like this and was wondering if anyone could tell me if talking about it works, well to strangers because the people I know I’ve talked to have gotten me irritated at this point.

[goldapril]

Hi, this is my first time ever posting somewhere like this too. And I believe it’s best to talk to a stranger, you can open up to them because they don’t know you, they can’t judge you based on your past, unlike people in your life right now. Talking really does help. All the best.

[Irritabl3 in reply to goldapril]

It’s crazy because a friend of mine doesn’t judge me but her advice or concern just gets me angry and i don’t know why I feel that way towards her adviceand concern.

[Hidden]

It's not only because you talk to strangers on here that helps, you are talking to people who going through similar things to you.

[Irritabl3 in reply to Hidden]

Why is it that we go through this or feel this way though? I feel like I’m crazy and there’s no hope, that I won’t get better. I try not to think about my issues or whatever it is that’s wrong with me but it’s pointless because in the end all these bottled up emotions get me irritated and angry towards the ones I love

[fauxartist]

yes...it's cathartic, anonymous, and we all have our own similar issues that we can relate with each other. Family and friends may mean well but unless they have what you have, they don't understand. And often they feel because they can't help you, or want to deal with your stuff, then we get hurt and feel worse. What's been going on with you and how your feeling? You can also read others posts and comments and find a lot of useful info as well.

[Irritabl3 in reply to fauxartist]

I just feel hopeless, worthless, I just don’t want to exist, I wish I never existed. I can’t keep a job because once I’m in this mood I don’t care about anything I don’t want to see or talk to anyone I can’t focus on my job or school assignments and it sucks because who’s going to provide for me if it isn’t me?! This is annoying to me. I’m annoying to me! I make no sense when I talk sometimes and that’s frustrating big time. I’m 25 and I thought I’d have it together by now especially having a child already. I’m so irritated with myself, with life but then I’m a coward when it comes to suicide because i can’t hurt myself. When I was like 9 i would cut myself but now especially since I have my daughter I want to die but then i don’t because i know she wouldn’t be in good hands. Why am i such a selfish B****!!?!??! Cause that’s what i feel I am, selfish as hell!

[homemaker46 in reply to Irritabl3]

Awareness is half the battle. I hope writing this helped you see yourself a bit. I don’t know you so I’m not agreeing or disagreeing with what you wrote but rather validating your feelings. You’re frustrated with yourself. I understand that and have been there too. I encourage you to not compare yourself regarding ‘should have it together’. Many of us don’t have it together or didn’t get it together until much older. What is ‘together’ anyway? That is mostly determined by the individual as you know whether you’re content or not. As frustrating as past choices may be can you talk to yourself about how unchangeable they are but then look for positives that may have ultimately come from them? I’ve made foolish choices that actually have turned about some growth and maturity in areas I would’ve never thought possible had I not ever made the ‘mistake’. I think we don’t give our ‘mistakes’ enough credit sometimes. We mess up, we learn and grow or we die grasping onto ‘what should’ve been’ with white knuckled, lifeless fingers that scream ‘I wanna be in control and have it my way!’ I mean...who ever wants to admit that that is the attitude? But look...you admitted some stuff. Right here in this group. I hope you’ve felt some release after sharing and reading it back. I bet the little girl in you had amazing ideas and dreams. She’s still in there. And whoever contributed in your young life to dashing those or bringing about anxiety or insecurity you had no control over, on behalf of them to you I say ‘I’m so sorry. You needed me to be there for you and I didn’t know how. Imperfect people love imperfectly and I’m sorry. You are beautiful, you are worthy and today is always the best day because it’s yours, to live in yourself and share with others. Don’t doubt yourself’ 25....so much to live for and so many possibilities that only you and your creative self can bring about. Do one thing you enjoy today. Then do another tomorrow. You’ve got this. You’re better than this and deep down you know it I bet.

[Irritabl3 in reply to homemaker46]

Sometimes I feel detached from everything and everyone. The only time I even try to do anything is when my daughter is around. I wish I could do something I enjoy everyday but I just don’t get the energy, the thrill to want to do it. It’s annoying. I had and have so many ideas so many options and yet I can’t do anything when I have the chance. I don’t get it.

[Hidden]

There's interests to keep you going, even music sometimes helps. Visiting a holy person, they will change your outlook on life.

[Irritabl3 in reply to Hidden]

Music sometimes does help, lately it hasn’t and it’s scary. I can’t do holy, I have a horrible experience in holy, at one point I loved church and the people in it and then I hated it and everyone in it not really hate but not care for it, not interested anymore. Too many people have hurt us and I don’t know how we can even be helped