Relationship anxiety

[Helpme96]

Hello I'm not sure what we are and aren't allowed to post here but here it goes .. I was cheated on my ex who I didn't really even love and at the time it hurt me and I thought I moved on very fast, fast forward to like 5 months later and I met the most amazing girl , the girl of my dreams , who is everything I want in a girl .. and has never given me any reason not to trust her. She doesn't have a phone password , doesn't text other men , doesn't like other boys pictures or talk to them on social media , always post pictures about me and how much she loves me , tells me if a boy tries to flirt with her .. does all the amazing things a girl could do to make me feel loved , and everything was perfect for the first 8 months when we were together everyday no arguing , all trust , just pure perfection ... now to the bad part , for the past month I've been away and will be away for the following 4 months for work and I've been freaking out .. every little thing makes me freak out .. I don't know what's wrong with me , she can not reply for like 1-2 hours cus she said she's gonna take a nap and I picture her in my head with another man , she says goodnight I miss u etc and I picture her not really going to bed , but cuddling another man or going out and doing things of the sort .. I even found myself looking at the last time she was active on fb and comparing it to when she said she's going to bed and freaking out and making a huge deal over that not matching .. the worst part is I know I'm overreacting sometimes but CANT STOP. She'll be busy and can't Skype or FaceTime and I'll instantly get put in a bad mood like " ok have fun with whatever man your with .. " I found myself telling her rude , insulting things basically saying she's sleeping around and shortly after the argument realize how disrespectful it was because she was crying .. but the damages done at that point , I'm slowly ruining our relationship , she tells me she loves me so much but I'm being controlling and not giving her trust when she's done nothing to me ... but I can't stop.. I love her so much and she sticks around and doesn't leave me no matter how crazy I get .. but then that makes me think " how long until some normal boy messages her and she thinks about the times I acted like this and cheats on me for him ? " I feel like i have to say what I'm thinking .. sometimes I don't and I'll hold it in and explode and make a huge argument , I've found we rarely have conversations anymore about normal stuff just me asking her if she's alone , who if she has plans on the weekends and when she says her answer instead of saying ok I say something stupid like " I hope so " or " ahhhhhh right " like being sarcastic .. I need help I don't know why I can't stop or what I can do to get better but I can't lose her .. please help

[LorriHeart]

Good morning,

Being cheated on can have lasting damage, even if you felt you didn’t love your ex. Insecurity’s can develop and if you allow them to they will follow you to your next relationship, it may be worth finding a councillor whilst your away to vocalise your doubts and worries to, so you don’t put them on your girlfriend.

Personally I feel you are on a path to being possessive, that isn’t a criticism but I noticed you say she does all the things a good girlfriend does, then mentioned things to do with her social media habits. I’m not sure you should no who’s photos she likes etc. If you love someone, it’s an equal situation when it becomes possessive it isn’t love. What makes someone a good partner shouldn’t be based on their phone not having a passcode etc.

I really do feel where your coming from but act now, go talk to a professional who will be able to help you with obsessive thoughts. Don’t let yourself ruin a relationship because of your past. There are lots of hypnosis apps available, I’m sure you could find one relevant to you, which may help too.

Lastly, you said you felt as though you had moved on fast from your ex. Maybe you need to really deal with what happened before.

Wish you all the best x

[hypercat54]

Hi I have to agree with LorriHeart. You are going the best way to lose her so you must start controlling your jealousy. She doesn't deserve this from you and soon she will be off - driven away by your controlling manner.

I understand this is from your previous relationship but do think you need to consider going to counselling to work through it. x

[ladeda]

Oh sweetpea, you really answered yourself there and I'm so sorry your letting your own insecurities spoil the happiness you have found. Love is a very fickle thing and while you have it you want to enjoy every minute. Having a niggling voice in your head is ok but you have to work on telling it to clear off! and replace it with of course she's going to stick around what's not to love! and just continue to always be a better you and you can't go wrong. you wouldn't believe how many people thing they want a divorce when they have a bad day, luckily their spouses have no idea as its only a fleeting thought, we all have faults , and love is learning to accept someone for who they are and not who you want them to be, do that and your future will grow together. Take care xx

[minnie26]

I can relate to everything you’re saying. I live hundreds of miles away from my bf and it’s so hard. I can’t stop my self from thinking the worst. I try to keep everything to myself but that only makes things worse as I just explode. The distance really doesn’t help it just makes your mind go into overdraft and you really can’t help it sometimes no matter how hard you try.

[Angel533]

I agree with the other comments that you need to get help for your issues instead of putting them onto your girlfriend,it sounds to me that she deserves better so if I was you I'd make yourself the best you can be be coz that's what she deserves